To not alter booked holiday dates to fit the ashes for ds1

[justfoundout2014]

H and I separated after infidelity. My parents gave me enough money for me to take the dc abroad for the first time since ds1 was a toddler. After a lot of thought I booked to go to Valencia. Could have booked any time during the 6 week holiday as I am a teacher. I chose dates that were the cheapest to fly - the next cheapest option would have been approx. £200 more.

Now ds has tearfully informed me that h's family had bought him tickets to go to the Ashes while we are away and he now can't go. I had to sit with him while he cried at bedtime - before he realised there was a clash, he was very, very excited to be going away. The Ashes tickets were booked weeks ago, bit no one told me. H initially was angry with me for 'not checking', but when I got upset (this wasn't in front of ds) backed down and said it's no one's fault, one of those things.

I could not have checked as I had no idea about the ashes whatsoever. We have no formal access arrangement in place and h visits the children at mine as his place is too small. We have vaguely discussed holidays but no dates were mentioned. No mention of the sodding ashes. I admit I had not mentioned to h I was considering a holiday abroad as I wanted to present it as a sort of 'up yours, look what I am doing without you' gesture.

He has suggested that I alter the dates, but I'm not even sure I can with Ryanair, and, anyway, I don't want to. It took me hours to sort out, I am ridiculously behind at work, and I don't want to spend the time or money involved. I am annoyed that when ds told sil and fil about his holiday, the first thought was about the bloody cricket. I am struggling to provide my dc with a happy life with stuff to enjoy in the light of what wanker h has done, and I feel they should encourage ds to be happy about going abroad, not mentioning sodding cricket, which is what they are all into.

AIBU?

Yanbu there will be other games they could attend. It may not be cheap to go but they could easily resell the ticket.

YANBU, but it would be an amazing treat for your ds if he could do both. Is it possible for you to rebook your holiday if your xh paid the difference/change fees?

Yanbu, it's not a one off cricket match and it goes on for quiet a while, apart from that it would probably rain anyway!

Actually I think YABU purely because you admit you didn't mention booking a holiday to your ex so you could stick 2 fingers up to your him.

Lesson learned at the expense of your son that you both need to communicate better and not let the ex's past bad behaviour carry on colouring things now.

When does the match fall in the holiday, could your son be flown out a day or 2 later with the costs split between you and your ex?

How old is ds? I say that because cricket can be a long dull day, or rained off - impossible to predict.

Any chance of H paying for whatever they charge to change the booking? Maybe even helping sort it?

In principal YANBU, but it's hard on your DS who is torn in between both of you and tbh it would have been better to let XH know before booking.

I'd check if it's possible to change the flights ( a quick google reveals it's like to be 40 pp per leg so not cheap, plus the price of the flight increase) and if so see if xh will pay the difference or at least go halves.

At £40 per person, per flight it's costing £240 plus about the same again to make up the difference for the new flights. That's without any costs/hassle re the apartment. It's just not happening. H is about to give up his job as he doesn't like it and the hours (not discussed before he started) do not allow him to do after school childcare, so no way he could contribute to these costs.

Great. Something I had planned to look forward to now leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. I know it is partly my own fault for not telling him. I wish I had never bothered at all. Pisses me off that his whole family are cricket mad - caused a lot of rows in the early days of our relationship as they would buy xh a season ticket for a club in a city we didn't live in and it caused rows about when he could go. No equivalent treat is ever planned for non-cricket-loving dd.

You're both being unreasonable in not communicating enough - he for not telling you not to plan anything on that date, and you for not checking that he hadn't planned anything.

It's astoundingly unreasonable to plan these things as "up yours" gestures. It's so infantile that I admire your honesty in posting it. You (both, perhaps) need to stop using your son in any game of one-upmanship.