To be a bit miffed about this again!

[babyiwantabump]

Had a thread a while back about how PIL had decided to withdraw childcare that they had agreed on because they were helping SIL out with her baby.

Fair enough , all sorted . Moved on .

Well I do night shifts now as easier on childcare but If I happen to do a Saturday night shift OH works every other Sunday so I may have to stay up after my shift till he gets home at 4.
Again this is not a problem really as DS naps still in the day so I nap when he naps then go to bed for a few hours when OH gets home.

Well basically I have just found out that the PIL are looking after step DD on these Sunday's for OH ex!
She is not at work (she doesn't work) .
She hasn't just done a 12 hour nightshift (see above) .
She just likes to go to the pub on a Sunday!

I'm just a bit miffed about it all! It feels like they have something against DS !
I just don't understand what!

It's not just this though. It's lots of things .

On step DD birthday the whole day is devoted to her . Millions of presents , cake , while house decorated family meal etc etc .
DS birthday they came round for five minutes and brought a card . Didn't come to the meal I had arranged as they were going to SILs.

At Christmas step DD had a second Xmas day on Boxing Day at their house . They actually said they didn't want DS to go round until lunch time as she had lots of presents and he had clothes . They didn't want him "getting in the way" and "spoiling her fun" buy trying to help her with opening the presents (like a 1 year old would) .
He would have just been happy with the paper to be honest.
I just feel it's unfair on him and I don't like it! My side of the family treat DD and DS the same as they are both grand children and great grandchildren . I don't see why ILs seem to have this need to treat him completely differently !

I don't resent them for looking after SIL it was the way in which they brushed DS aside as soon as the new granddaughter arrived .

Where does dh sit in all this ? Could he be brushing off tentative suggestions of help or involvement to the point that they feel you don't want or need them , whereas the others do?

I don't want them! I just feel that my DS deserves to be treated no differently to the other grandkids !

They sound like they definitely play favourites, yanbu to be feeling this way at all.

Don't ever out yourselves out for them.

Yanbu, sounds like they don't like boys/you/dh. I think you should be direct and ask rather than go nc, at least that why you might feel better and less resentful, or they may have a decent explanation

How old are the children? I can understand treating a 5 year old differently than a 1 year old and why they would not want to spend more time looking after a baby.

DS is 13 nearly 14 months Step DD is 8 DNeice is coming up to 5 months .

They had DNeice over night last night and today aswell as having step DD so I don't think the whole age thing is an issue as DNeice is more work than DS as she has colic and so is constantly held upright .

This is MN, so you'll get told (and you have been) to put up and shut up. That they owe you nothing. Well, that's true but family is supposed to help each other and in RL people talk about things and have it out.

So, why don't you ask them if they could help by looking after DS for a short few hours on Sundays so that you could get a few hours sleep. If they refuse with whatever excuse, tell them. Tell them how hurtful their behaviour is and how it feels like favouritism. You already resent them and have negative feelings towards them, you're not going to lose anything. I say, at least put it out in the open.