no idea how to break cycle with DS1

[newrecruit]

Every weekend it's the same.

So much time is wasted with him sulking, stropping and digging his heels in over everything.

I don't know what to do. The weeks are busy but the weekends are fairly free.

I want to spend time with him but it's so hard.

45 minutes of him refusing to get dressed. Refusing to do anything.

Today I asked him what he wanted to do and he wanted to go to a local museum.

We went, had a lovely time and then an ice cream afterwards.

He complained that he didn't like the ice cream and wished he hadn't bothered.

Then threw a massive strop as he didn't like what was for dinner. Made a massive song and dance.

Then at bed times he wants cuddles etc and I just feel I've had enough of him

I know he wants attention but I don't know how to give it and stop the behaviour at the same time.

How old is he?

Can you just completely ignore him when he starts to strop - as in, walk out of the room to do something else (calmly, matter-of-factly) and re-engage (willingly, as if nothing out of the ordinary happened) once he can do so nicely again?

Sounds like he needs some discipline, but reassurance that you love him as well. He's pushing boundaries. He needs discipline so he feels supported and loved. You must stand up to his tantrums and issue some sanctions for rude behaviour and refusing to do stuff.

I can recommend 123 Magic by Tom Phelan. It worked on my ds who had adhd. It's for 2-12 year old and even includes teen discipline techniques, so should be suitable for you. It's very easy to read and follow and the technique is easy to implement. You just need to be assertive, consistent and patient.

keep calm
be firm
recognise the good stuff he does
give him a cuddle

above all he needs to know - no matter how tough the days been - you love him and will cuddle him

I had a lot of support from CAMHS to change the way I interact with my eldest - because I had got stuck in a pattern of expecting the worst - rather than expecting the best

it got in the way of everything - step back - think about what's actually happening x

a phrase that's stuck with me 'your child needs your love the most when they deserve it the least' x

He's nearly 9.

I completely agree with everything you've all said.

It's just so hard to balance.

I try to remain positive but find myself slipping into 'you always ......' which I try to stop myself doing.

He's fine as long as he's doing what he wants and then immediately it's over it's as if it never happened and he's on to the next thing.

He's like a cross between Verucca Salt & Mike TV!

Have ordered the 1-2-3 book. Thank you.