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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say NO!

44 replies

livingforfreedom · 07/02/2015 19:19

Okay so my sister has asked me to have her baby overnight next Saturday and usually I would say yes as I love my niece however its on my wedding anniversary.

We are not planning on going out and were just staying in and I hate to say no but I feel like she is taking the biscuit a little bit. What should I say to her?

OP posts:
Frusso · 07/02/2015 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandStorm · 07/02/2015 19:21

Just say 'sorry, we've got plans for our wedding anniversary'. Just because you're not going out doesn't mean you don't have plans.

Original poster
livingforfreedom · 07/02/2015 19:23

I just feel guilty we don't have the best relationship as she says I never help out but have her normally when I ask. Im glad im not be UR I just feel bad and my husband has said why not we are home anyway, but that's not the point surely

OP posts:
Molotov · 07/02/2015 19:24

I second what Frusso said.

Only1scoop · 07/02/2015 19:25

"Sorry no can do....its our anniversary isn't it....another time though"

Original poster
livingforfreedom · 07/02/2015 19:27

thanks I think I will soften the blow and offer to have her the following weekend instead. so text message states: "Hi DSIS really sorry but we have anniversary plans but I can do the weekend after if that helps. lotsa love living"

no I await the shit storm

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 07/02/2015 19:28

I would say what SandStorm said but without the sorry and firming it up a bit so they know it's a no, maybe 'aww, we've got plans for our wedding anniversary so we can't'.

It's OK to say no, she did ask and not issue an order you have to obey.

If you're posting a thread about it though does that mean you think she's not going to take it very well? Have you not said no to her before, or are you thinking about the time you did when she gave you shit for it?

With you feeling you have to justify it (we're not even going out) will she ask you to justify yourself?

GwenaelleLaGourmande · 07/02/2015 19:29

If that ^^ provokes a shitstorm I wouldn't be helping her out again.

GwenaelleLaGourmande · 07/02/2015 19:29

And would definitely remove the sorry. Yoh don't have to apologise for not being available to do a favour.

AgentZigzag · 07/02/2015 19:31

X-post, what kind of shit storm are you expecting?

Just ignore it and don't answer any other texts, or if you do tell her she can fuck off you've changed your mind about babysitting the week after, cheeky cow.

TwoOddSocks · 07/02/2015 19:35

we don't have the best relationship as she says I never help out but have her normally when I ask

She sounds like an entitled brat! From the sounds of it you've already taken her baby overnight on other occasions and she complains you never help out? Unless she's having open heart surgery next Saturday I don't see why you should have to justify not babysitting. Most people don't have free overnight babysitting available to them let alone on demand on any day of the week they feel like a night out. Don't let yourself be walked all over by her!

Velocitractor · 07/02/2015 19:35

You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no when you are unable to do something. As sandstorm said, plans are plans regardless of whether they're at home or out.

Plus it's not just you, it dh's anniversary too. Surely your loyalty should be to him not your sister in this context?

Original poster
livingforfreedom · 07/02/2015 19:43

okay reply back:
"don't worry its not as if I get the opportunity to go out every weekend so forget about the week after. I wont ask for any more favours and don't expect them from me"

she is entitled she has always got her own way and thinks she should always be helped out. I kinda of blame my parents as she had problems as a child (medical) and they gave in to her because they felt sorry but now she is fine and healthy but her attitude is appalling. I always had to give up stuff for her as a child and I think it has spread over into my adult life which is why I have joined here to try and get some more support and be stronger.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 07/02/2015 19:47

And your answer to her text (if you can't resist sending one) should be 'Oh, OK Smile'.

Don't play the game, fuck her and her oversized entitlement.

TTTatty · 07/02/2015 19:48

Well done for taking a stand, I would text back 'okay :-)' but I am mardy like that!

GwenaelleLaGourmande · 07/02/2015 19:49

Yup. OK is a good answer to that.

TwoOddSocks · 07/02/2015 19:49

My god I feel angry just reading about her. I think I'd probably right a chirpy reply "OK that sounds good, not expecting too much of each other might help avoid disappointment :)" but then I'm passive aggressive. Probably better to just not engage. Whatever you do don't justify yourself you don't owe her an explanation.

maddening · 07/02/2015 19:54

Reply back "don't be such a brat - I help you out loads, get over yourself. Incidentally it's not like I have my wedding anniversary every weekend"

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 07/02/2015 19:54

Okely dokely sisteroonie x

You don't have to babysit her child, ever. Her attitude is appalling, I would withdraw help until she can be pleasant and sisterly towards you, rather than rude, surly, and entitled!

sonjadog · 07/02/2015 19:55

I would also reply "ok:-)"

Please don't feel bad about this. Of course you are entitled to do what you want on your anniversary.

Ludoole · 07/02/2015 19:55

Id reply with "Obviously i dont have the opportunity to celebrate my wedding anniversary every weekend either..."

DustBunnyFarmer · 07/02/2015 19:57

Her text back is making my hand itch (wanting to give her a slap). I'd now withdraw the offer of help next weekend too - she says she isn't doing anything then, so you might as well keep it clear for you and your husband to do something fun. I like Maddening's reply too and would love to hear what she had to say if you sent it.

Henbur1702 · 07/02/2015 20:00

I'd just text back "ok no problem" as if you haven't noticed her emotionally blackmailing arseyness!

WD41 · 07/02/2015 20:05

Her reply back to you was completely out of order. Yanbu to not want to babysit on your anniversary and you kindly offered the week after. Any decent person would be completely understanding and fine with that.

I'd want to text back oh fuck off, but would probably just reply ok no problem, don't let her feel she's got to you

Purplepoodle · 07/02/2015 20:05

I wouldn't even justify that with a reply. She's looking for a fight.

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