SiL is trying to "correct" nephew's being left-handed

[BadLad]

Ever since he was a few months old, my in-laws have noticed and remarked with some concern that my youngest nephew reached for things with his left hand for the most part.

Now he is very nearly four, and they are actually telling him to stop and use his right hand when he eats, scribbles with a pencil or uses anything like scissors.

He loves eating, so he had always been (to my inexpert eyes) very good at feeding himself. He has graduated out of chopsticks with finger holes to normal child-chopsticks very young. But they make him hold them and his fork (when he isn't using a knife) in his right hand.

It doesn't seem to cause him much frustration, but AIBU to think this is wrong. I've asked why they are doing this, and SiL says it will be easier to get things for right-handed people in future. That seems a bit weak to me - plenty of people here are left-handed so they are catered for.

It just seems a bit hard on him to me.

My son is right handed but naturally holds his knife and fork in the "wrong" hands. I was happy to let him get on with it, my dad is driven nearly apoplectic with rage that I couldn't be bothered to do my job as a parent properly.

Age at which hand dominance shows is generally around 2-3 years from stuff I've been reading, but can be earlier.

Utter rubbish. Some young babies can start using on hand more than the other, but often over time that preference can change as part of their development. It is not a development problem to use your left at all.

Your SIL is hindering his own natural development and if he does turn out to be a leftie, she is really going to damage his writing ability etc as a previous poster mentioned. You should definitely say something!

It is really wrong to do this.

My first teacher used to pick up my left hand when holding a pencil, and squeeze it until I dropped the pencil, then force it into my right hand. I couldn't write with that hand, and she hurt my left hand by doing this, and as a result I have terrible writing still. My granny used to get the belt for using her left hand in school, but she still remained left handed.

Your sil will not change your nephew's handedness, and she risks affecting his development if she tries.

Could you offer her a helpful book? There is a book called The natural superiority of the Left Hander by James Tertius De Kay which might help her see that it isn't a bad thing and may be an advantage. In many competitive sports bring left handed is an advantage against your opponents.

one*

Chip shop - same thing happened to my mum. She does everything else LH except write and her handwriting is so bad that she types everything and prints it out (including the shopping list)

As the only RH person in my family I don't remember being disadvantaged by having to use LH things... in fact it is a distinct advantage to do things left handed with my right hand.

Could you offer her a helpful book? There is a book called The natural superiority of the Left Hander by James Tertius De Kay which might help her see that it isn't a bad thing and may be an advantage. In many competitive sports bring left handed is an advantage against your opponents.

Her English is limited to "I'm fine, thank you, and you?" so I would have to find a translation of it. But I know she wouldn't want or listen to my advice. Thank you for the recommendation anyway.

I posted because I wanted other opinion's as to whether it was wrong, so I can sympathize with the little guy if it bothers him in future. That said, I am going to discuss it with my wife and try to get her to bring it up - sister-in-law will listen to her more than she will to me.

We have a few lefties in the family and I know its hard enough for lefties to live in a right handed world for many reasons.

They're just adding to it, their poor kid.

Poor kid. My son is left handed at some things and right handed at others. The only problem is writing and smudging but would never force him to change hands. He eats right handed. Such an old fashioned attitude.

What is the general culture like where you are?

Will the school leave him to develop naturally? What are her objections?

One of my DC is left handed (mostly just for writing). It is in no way a problem.

Will the school leave him to develop naturally?

I honestly don't know, but I think his handwriting teacher will try to make him use his right hand. Handwriting is a big thing here (Chinese characters), to the point that learning to write nicely is a hobby for many children and adults. Apart from that and the apparent difficulties in getting equipment, she thinks it is bad manners to use chopsticks in one's left hand.

Bonkers. Both my twins are left handed.

It's peculiar, it's unnecessary and it's not something I would do or advocate but there's a lot of unnecessarily dramatic claims here too.

"they're being very weird and will totally hamper his development. If he's left handed and they try and force him to use right, they're going to end up with a child at the bottom of the class for writing skills"

There is always the alternative. My uncle was made to write with his right hand at school, despite being naturally left-handed. His handwriting is excellent, far superior to my own. He's ambidextrous, did very well at primary school, went on to a grammar and has no issues about the fact that he can use both hands very well.

BadLad, in truth your SIL will take the attitude that it's nothing to do with you because it is nothing to do with you. She's not beating her child or starving him, she's doing something controversial which doesn't fit in with your (or my tbh) definition of a particularly bright idea. I would be quick to tell you to butt out if I were your SIL.

I know nothing about it but you may want to look into what Caronaim said about developmental delays in children who are reaching for things with the left hand at such a young age before you step in.

Ah! Are you in HK or the mainland Badlad. I think on the mainland you'll have more difficulties and yes it might be a problem when he starts school. I know of kids who have had their left hands tied behind their backs to make the use their right hand properly. Its an issue across the Far East but I'm not sure why.
I think you do need to speak to your wife. If your son is naturally left handed then being forced to use his weaker right hand may well impede his development, as well as the potential for punishment when he's actually done nothing wrong being a psychological issue. I have a few adult chinese friends who are still very bitter about how singled-out and isolated they felt at school :-(

I'm in Japan.

I think there's a massive difference between forcing a child to write with their wrong hand and encouraging them to use cutlery the right way round.

We have more lefties than righthanders in our family and we all use cutlery the normal way round. English people have their fork in their left hand, americans in their right, and both sides seem to manage. Left handed people successfully manage to play the flute or violin the 'wrong' way round for them, and lefties in my family have variously chosen to play guitar, play tennis, knit the right handed way. I'm righthanded and I brush my hair and teeth left handed, so what? I suspect it's because my left handed parents never thought to put the brush in my right hand, I'd be astonished if it's done my brain some irreparable damage.

As all things I think it comes down to balance. We gently encourage cutlery to be the right way round, but I'd never get cross about it. I do think it's awful to force a definitely left handed child to write with their wrong hand, but DS was ambidextrous for years and we didn't rush out to get him lefthanded scissors on day 1. When we saw he was struggling with the right handed ones, then we did.

I think it's not a good thing to do, but I don't think you have any leg to stand on in terms of mentioning it, sadly. It's old fashioned and largely not done in the UK any more, afaik; but it was done to my brother and my Dad believes it was why he took so long to learn to write legibly and why he is quite "crossgrained" now. Why Dad didn't stop them doing it to my brother is anyone's guess, I don't know the answer to that! 1970s - perhaps it was still considered a beneficial thing then in some areas.

I found a book on the internet called "The Left-hander Syndrome: the Causes and Consequences of Left-handedness" and it gives a fair bit of history as to why people tried to change left-handers, but the preview doesn't show pages that deal with forcing them to change and whether or not it has side effects.

I also found this paper that suggests that some left handers are more resistant to change than others: www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13576500601005727

my 7 year old is left handed. well can use both but left is his comfy hand. i would never ever push him into using his right if hes not comfy with that.

If he was reaching for things left handed at a few months old, this indicates a developmental problem which does need investigating, and very likely correction with emphasising right hand. This is not just being normally left handed, it is something else.

Thought I should point out my eldest showed a preference for her left hand from just a few months and it was simply down to her being left handed (now aged 9) nothing else.

Both my DSs showed an inclination to use their left hands early on; DS1 then settled comfortably into using his right hand but is quite definitely left-footed, and Ds2 is still only 2.4 so hasn't sorted it out yet. Uses both hands still but appears to be right-footed so far.

I think it's not a good thing to do, but I don't think you have any leg to stand on in terms of mentioning it, sadly.

Yep, this is how I see the situation, so I'll just be sympathetic if it starts causing him problems. Nowt else I can do.

I'm a leftie. One of the most chilling things I've ever read, years ago, was "there are no left handed people in Russia"

I leave that thought, and it's implications, with you..

MIL tried to correct DS when he was little, as she had done with DH

Fortunately it didn't work. Both use cutlery like right-handers though, apart from with soup spoons & chopsticks.

Maybe this discussion will give OP some ideas how she could broach this. Sounds like it would sound better if the evidence came from someone who speaks the misguided mother's language.

My DD is left handed, it was noticed from toddlerhood.

I cant change her leftiness anymore that I can change her eye colour or hair colour. Nor would I want too.