To think if someone offers to 'cook you a few meals' then they do it and drop the food to you?

[Mammanat222]

Have a newborn and friend kindly offered insisted on making me a few meals. Great.. everything helps at the moment.

So I agree and friend then says she'll see me on Tuesday, I can 'keep an eye on the kids' (she has a 3 year old dd and I have a 2 year old ds and 2 week old) whilst she cooks in my kitchen.... she also said she'll send some options to me over the weekend so I can get in the ingredients.

What the actual fuck. I am refused her offer oddly I'm busy on Tuesday as it turns out but I wonder if I'm being unreasonable?

My mum offered to make us some meals and she turned up with tupperware dishes of chilli /curry / bolognese for my freezer.

Yanbu! She is obviously trying to help, and perhaps she wants to see you, but I think cooking and delivering would be better under the circumstances! Never mind, I'm sure she meant well...

Holy duck! That's has to be the most bizarre non favour ever!

Thanks but no thanks weirdo.

How you going to politely decline?

Oh gosh, yanbu!

IMO your Mums way is the 'correct' way. I couldn't do what your friend has suggested either, I would find it embarrassing to be sat in the lounge whilst she was cooking in my kitchen for me

Oh dear.

She had probably read somewhere that making someone with a newborn food is a good idea and got the wrong end of the stick.

People bought me food round with my pfb and I was so, so grateful.

But I couldn't have handled someone in m kitchen, I was far too busy crying into my breast pads while my non-sleeping baby screamed in pain with colic.

I'm with you on this one.
When I had dd people arrived with various meals ready for reheating.
No one asked for money or to use my kitchen.

But maybe she thought it would be helpful. Nice offer, just not well thought out.

Yanbu to have rejected it though

I guess I understand her thinking but your mum did it the 'right' way! You offer to cook some meals, you cook them for them and take them over!

Very odd behaviour. YANBU

I've already made my excuses.

Glad it wasn't just me that thought her offer was a bit odd.

My friend is a fab cook but she is messy (uses every pot and pan) plus she likes to use slightly more obscure / expensive ingredients.... it would cost me a fortune.

Is there a word for someone "doing you a favour" in such an inconvenient way that you'd rather they didn't do it at all, but you can't find a way to say no because they mean well?

My friend offered this when mc last year, and has now offered for after have this baby, she will cook at mine as easier for her but will bring all ingredients. She offered so as to help me at a time so can rest, your friend is just pilling more responsibility on you. So not yunbu overall x

Trills, the Japanese have a phrase for this - arigata meiwaku.

Brilliant!

trills theres probably a German word they have a word for everything

Yanbu
You're doing her a favour this way by watching her kid whilst she cooks.
I'd rather make a round of sandwiches and have some fruit.
My friend offered food when I'd just had a baby in the form of ordering me a pizza. Much better!

Arigata-Meiwaku (n): An Act Someone Does for You That You Didn’t Want to Have Them Do and Tried to Avoid Having Them Do, But They Went Ahead Anyway, Determined to Do You a Favor, And Then Things Went Wrong and Caused You a Lot of Trouble, Yet in the End Social Conventions Required You to Express Gratitude

Love it!!

Now all I need to know is how to pronounce it, if anyone would care to enlighten me?!

A-rig-a-ta may-wak-oo. :)

Yanbu in making excuses, that does not sound relaxing or helpful at all,to me!! Would you friend be amenable to a suggestion that you love the idea, thank you, but you're eating at different times at the minute so a meal prepared in advance would be easier all,round???

The way it's written is how it is pronounced, bogey.

The as are open, as in ah, the is are pronounced ee, the u is short.

It sounds like she was well intentioned, but maybe slightly misguided.

I'm jealous of everyone getting food deliveries with a newborn, no one did that for me.

When dd was newborn the in laws came, had me serve them, then didn't even wash their own plates

I can't believe she expected you to get the ingredients

The point is that you're busy!

Oh dear, yanbu!

I would rather just cook myself than look after an extra three year old while someone else did it!

And I hate cooking!

To be fair friend knows I'm doing an online shop to come Monday so she didn't expect me to go to supermarket..... just pay for whatever she fancies cooking me lol.

Oh YANBU in the fucking slightest Op.
My MIL and GPIL's both kept telling me to have a child for 4 years, really bad, 'We'll babysit, we'll take him out and spoil him' etc Fast forward, my DS is now almost 2 and he hasn't seen them since Christmas. They both drive and live 4 miles away. I'm disabled, housebound and when DS was a newborn I had to make tea and coffee for everyone and was heckled about biscuits.

Just order a takeaway Op x

I have a friend who would probably do the same, although she would have used whatever I had in the house rather than expect me to pay extra for 'ingredients'. And then leave the mess saying 'Oh, just tell your DH to pop it all in the dishwasher'.

No, thank you.