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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel so down after making a mistake at work

39 replies

lightacandle · 06/02/2015 02:04

Can't divulge too much but.. . I work in healthcare and today I got a letter from a patient complaining about the care I gave them. I did make a mistake (which I didn't know about until now) and will be following up with a letter of apology after checking with manager etc - diagnosis was delayed although fortunately it has not affected the outcome.

I am ruminating over it, feel really down and like giving up my career. I've never received a letter of complaint before (10 years in the job) but I tend to get very upset over any errors I make. I find it very hard to confide in colleagues as I just don't want to talk about it.
DH doesn't really understand. I'm the only breadwinner so he just sees it as my job to keep going.

Just needed somewhere anonymous to get this off my chest.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 06/02/2015 02:15

Everyone makes mistakes at times, but all's well that ends well.

Whatever the mistake was, you won't make that one again.

Chin up and I hope your manager is constructive. You sound like the sort who is determined to learn from the mistake rather than brushing it under the carpet.

DoJo · 06/02/2015 02:15

If I had managed to do my job for 10 years without a mistake or complaint, then I would consider myself a bloody genius! You have a responsible job which you obviously take seriously, and I would be impressed if any healthcare professional I came into contact with had the dedication you do to be up at this time thinking about something which, in the general scheme of things, didn't sound like it had too bad an outcome.

It's easy to beat yourself up over one mistake, but it would be a shame to deprive your patients of someone as dedicated as you clearly are just because of this. Why not write them the letter (assuming manager approves) and see how you feel once you have had a chance to accept responsibility 'officially' as it were. At the moment it is very raw, but hopefully you will feel better in a couple of days when you have had a chance process the information and make whatever amends you can. Flowers

MissRabbitsSister · 06/02/2015 02:22

Don't beat yourself up, it's normal to feel like that. I don't work in healthcare but in a data related industry where our product has to be right first time, every time. But of course mistakes are made when humans are involved. It's just embarrassing at the time but you have a solid ten years experience behind you which shows it was a genuine mistake and learning from it is in itself a great skill to have too.

Ohfourfoxache · 06/02/2015 02:27

No one goes to work to make a mistake, Light. It wasn't intentional and, even though you're a healthcare worker, you're still only human.

(Coming from fellow nhs worker btw!)

Mistakes and letters of complaint are not bad things. They are golden opportunities to learn and amend not only our own practice, but to help other people to avoid the same mistakes.

Look at some of the mistakes that we've learned from - Wayne Jowett and intrathecal vincristine; changes to the checking of correct insertion of NG tubes; thalidomide use in pregnancy - not a single one was intentional or malicious. But we've learned from them.

I know you probably feel absolutely dreadful (I've made some corkers in my time - every single person has, from porters and back office staff to senior surgeons and chief execs) but you need to learn from it, reflect, and put it behind you. That way you improve your own practice and become a far, far better professional.

Sending very unMNetty and Brew - be kind to yourself x

vinegarandbrownpaper · 06/02/2015 02:27

Oh thanks for.posting as its easy to get all fired up about complaining without realising the impact on the recipient. It is a mark of how dedicated you are that you are feeling insular and reflective about this, so I would allow a bit of soul searching as it will help you be sure that you truly did your best throughout.. and your best to learn from it, but please remember that without you and your team there neither the mistake nor the remedy would have been on offer to the patient and this is part of that responsibility and burden. At some point you will shrug and say 'yes I definitely did my best with the information and circumstances I had at the time, and that produced better outcomes than noone being there'. You have a right to feel sad that you got something wrong here.. but because you treat each situation as equally important (a highly positive and professional trait) it feels awkward to look at the wider picture which is loads and loads of no mistakes!
Feel your feelings, be there for yourself and ask people to comfort you for the feelings, but forgive yourself too.
If you feel bad for a few days more and its making you feel sad and unsettled quickly get some support from professional colleagues or employee helpline as they are there for you.
This will sound weird but I once didn't hand a coat in to the police that I found .. just because I put it down in my house and forgot (a cheap waterproof with no personal items I it) I depressed myself for weeks thinking 'that's it, I am no longer the person I thought I was' , etc and it sounds silly but it really challenged the image I had built up to myself about being perfect about that sort of thing. I was experiencing other things at the time which magnified the effect, but its not trivial, so you have my sympathies.

Whats certain is that you are conscientious and have taken great pains to reflect, apologise, consider your pisition etc so you have handled a completely new and challenging situation incredibly well and professionally, which is impressive. So be nice to yourself about that!

Coyoacan · 06/02/2015 03:24

Uuf, poor you, such a lot of responsability in your job. I've just finished a 24 hour shift of my own making because I forgot about a job for a client that I should have handed in last week! And I had to do it for free because of the mortification.

We are human lightacandle and as humans we sometimes make mistakes. The good thing is that you are conscientious and will learn from your mistake, while at the same time no lasting damage has been done.

FishWithABicycle · 06/02/2015 05:36

Don't let this get you down. It is a signifier of how good you are at your job that you are upset that you made this mistake. You are going to learn from this and will be all the better for it. Well done.

calmexterior · 06/02/2015 06:14
Flowers In your shoes I would try and confide in your manager how awful you feel. Do not give up!
Idefix · 06/02/2015 06:18

As everyone has said lightacandle be gentle with yourself. We all make mistakes, nurses are not angels and doctors are not gods they are humans.
The main thing is workout how to ensure it doesn't happen again. I hope your managers and colleagues (if they know) are being supportive. Brew and Cake for you.

Idefix · 06/02/2015 06:21

Sorry, ignore what I said about colleagues knowing - I see they don't.

Stillyummy · 06/02/2015 06:23

Oh you poor thing. I am shore all the other times your brilliant, so let's focus on them think of all the people you saved with early diagnosis, helped through tough times ect. If you hadent been there for them they wouldn't have got the same level of care. When you have a wobble, and feel bad think of them. X

Mostlyjustaluker · 06/02/2015 06:41

I think it is because you care that you should not quit. Your human and no human is perfect. Forgive yourself and move on (easier said then done).

watchingthedetectives · 06/02/2015 06:51

The fact that this has upset you indicates that you take it seriously and are likely to learn from your mistake. When we interview senior HCPs we often ask about an error they have made and how they dealt with it. When people say they have never made a mistake everyone rolls their eyes in disbelief. The important thing is that you realise what happened was an error and you will now ensure it doesn't happen again.

HoggleHoggle · 06/02/2015 06:56

You sound very genuine and I'm sure that will come across in your letter, and I'm sure that will be a big comfort to the patient receiving it. I know if I complained about care and then got a very genuine apology, it would help enormously.

Also what pp have said - the fact that you care so much about this shows that you are actually fantastic at your job. It's not possible to never make mistakes so give yourself a break.

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 06/02/2015 06:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 06/02/2015 07:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hastynamechanger · 06/02/2015 07:45

As a patient I understand and accept that the health care system is run by humans and that therefore mistakes can happen. I've had some happen to me in my care (nothing too drastic though). Your mistake comes under that category by the sounds of it. No lasting harm done which is lucky.

However I have had a relative whose very serious diagnosis was completely missed. They died some years prematurely as a result of inappropriate treatment exaggerating their symptoms. With hindsight it was very clear what had gone wrong and it was all down to human error.

Our family did not call lawyers or write blistering letters to individuals caring for our relative. Not because we weren't hurt or angry at the loss but because it was clearly a tragic mistake by professionals who were doing their best (judging by the other care recieved and their caring attitude leading up to her death) and we did not want to deprive the system of money and people it desperately needs. nothing any of us did by then would have saved our relative and that lawsuit/blame could have crushed the health care workers involved and maybe deprived other patients of a caring team. Some of us in the family had a face to face meeting with the team and that was it. We faced our loss, which is still sorely felt years later, and they will have learnt from it.

Some people will need to write a letter when a mistake is made in their care which is an understandable reaction. They may feel there wasn't the 'care' or attention they expected on the day or that generally 'the system' let them down. These may or may not be objectively true.

You are right to own your error and to personally reply and apologise to the patient which is hopefully all they will want- an acknowledgement that their problem has been heard by the person responsible (for the incident or for that part of the system). They will want to hear that you understand that it has caused them an avoidable problem/pain or whatever disadvantage they are complaining of, and that (IME a really important part) now they have raised this, their letter means that someone else in future is less likely to have the same problem happen to them. I.e. Their complaint has been worth something. You will respond by doing x or y differently in future as far as you are able to.

But please as everyone says, don't give up your job or beat yourself up or doubt your capabilities because of this. A lot of patients feel that the NHS is staffed by incredibly dedicated people, who are constantly being asked to take on increasing burdens and to continue to give us a caring service at the same time.

We really appreciate the (usually appropriate and often excellent) safety net you give us and the care we get and are very grateful for that. At the same time things can and do go wrong, but as long as the mistakes are acknowledged and learned from, there isn't more we can ask of any system run by human beings.

hastynamechanger · 06/02/2015 07:55

Sorry for that massive post, that was so much about 'me'.
Your post just struck a nerve in reminding me of our situation with our relative.
Your error wasn't on that scale at all. But it is a real comfort to know how much thought you put into the care of your patients. And on both sides of the relationship with you and your patients, people understand that mistakes can and will be made. It's how you handle it and learn from it that counts. That's what I meant to say.

Marylou62 · 06/02/2015 08:35

An x HCP too who made a mistake...luckily not life threatening...I told the sister as soon as I realised ...I was ashamed and worried and aghast at how I could have been so stupid...(chaotic ward, too many patients to care for...emergency in another area of the ward, made a descision that was wrong after having no one to check)....do you know what, it made me a better HCP...chin up, go through all that is required after a mistake, you will be a better person after this..I feel for you but don't quit...we need people like you OP.

merlehaggard · 06/02/2015 08:42

For what it's worth, I made a mistake at work today. I put it right and it nearly meant that a delivery couldn't go to one of our shopfitting sites. My point is, we all make mistakes but the nature of my job meant that it wasn't as crucial as yours could have been! For me, it could only ever have cost implications. If you do something long enough, you're bound to make a mistake. There was no real harm done and we are all human. It obviously bothers you now, but in time it will all blow over. You will have learned from it (as we all do) and be all the better for it. All these experiences shape us.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 06/02/2015 08:50

You have done brilliantly to work for 10 years without a complaint, they do sting and your reaction is entirely understandable. If you trust your boss talk to them about how you feel.

Make amends, then chin up and move on. Smile

TyrannosaurusBex · 06/02/2015 08:54

Your reaction to having made a mistake proves your worth, in my opinion. You're reacting as a diligent, conscientious worker who made an isolated mistake normally does, not arguing and making excuses.

This too shall pass.

fridayfreedom · 06/02/2015 08:59

Speak to your manager before you do anything else.
As its a complaint there will be a procedure to follow so don't write to the patient yourself at this point.
As a fellow HCP, it is really upsetting when we make mistakes, we have all done them, but learning from them is the critical bit.

StAndrewsDay · 06/02/2015 11:08

Hackmum it was me who said her DD's response seemed a bit rude and precocious. (before I knew she's allegedly been told to 'just button the fucking coat up!'

I'm confused - who lives in the parallel universe, me or the OP? Confused

StAndrewsDay · 06/02/2015 11:08

sorry peeps, wrong thread. Blush