Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be thinking about going back to work after DD2 is born

17 replies

Discopanda · 05/02/2015 23:44

Bit of background in case you haven't seen my usual rants about lazy manchild partner, I've been a SAHM since DD1 was born and been working freelance since she was around 5 months old. I absolutely adore getting to spend so much time with DD1 but I'm starting to resent the fact the OH gets to leave the house to do a job he actually enjoys and has a steady, reasonably good income. Because I'm home all day I'm expected to do the lion's share of the housework, which I suppose is reasonable, but I'm trying to juggle working from home as well and, as much as I love DD1, she's quite exhausting. I know a childminder who runs her own agency and she takes children as young as 6 months, DD2 is due in April so I was thinking about finding a part-time job towards the end of the year.
The thing is I'm feeling really guilty that I've spent 3 years devoting so much time to DD1 and DD2 won't get as much time with me, but our home situation is really putting a strain on my relationship with OH because I'm climbing the walls, I hate the fact that I have to ask him for pocket money because I earn such a pittance and, quite frankly, I miss speaking to grown ups.

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 05/02/2015 23:47

You lost me in the first sentence. Why are you with him if that's what you think of him???

egnahc · 05/02/2015 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CheshireSplat · 06/02/2015 00:03

Blimey Panda, welcome to AIBU!

Personally I wouldn't worry too much about doing for DC2 exactly the same as you did for DC1. DC2's experiences will be different to DC1'S having an older sibling to watch and learn from and be company. If the PT job is 3 days a week or less, you'll have more time with DC2 than without.

AHatAHatMyKingdomForAHat · 06/02/2015 00:04

Children do best with happy parents. A mother who is resentful and climbing the walls is no good. Go back to work. You will be happier so they will be happier. In this situation, working outside the home will make you a better mother. I speak from experience.

If lazy manchild starts sharing the load, superb, happy families. If not...

Original poster

Discopanda · 06/02/2015 00:05

Wow egnahc you're a real peach, aren't you?! People don't pay freelancers that much and we often have to undercut ourselves to get work in the first place because so much work gets outsourced abroad, hence why I have to ask him to help me out financially.

OP posts:

Original poster

Discopanda · 06/02/2015 00:07

Thank you Cheshire and AHat, I think part of the reason I am getting so annoyed with him is that everything lands on me to get sorted out. I kind of feel that I've done my stint as being a SAHM and I want to get back out there.

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/02/2015 00:08

No reason at all why you shouldn't go back to work. Having to ask him for money sounds pretty demoralising.

sosix · 06/02/2015 00:08

Sounds like a good plan. Perhaps man child will grow up if not you can support yourself.

SorchaN · 06/02/2015 00:08

Financial independence makes everything a little easier. Go for it!

egnahc · 06/02/2015 00:10

Why is that being a real peach? Lots of freelancers earn a lot of money? I do . But you have to work at it. The op doest say what area they freelance in. Lots of freelance areas are booming at the moment. As a good freelancers you will earn much more with much more freedom that n in salaried role. BUT you have to work at it- it cant be a pin money thing.

egnahc · 06/02/2015 00:13

Sorry you are the OP. I wasnt being mean- you may not want to hear the truth but if you take freelancing seriously then you can earn very good money but if you tinker at it then you won't.

You sound very bitter about it all.

wobblyweebles · 06/02/2015 02:19

You're not being at all unreasonable to go back to work.

But I'm not sure it's going to solve many problems for you.

30somethingm · 06/02/2015 08:33

YANBU to go back to work, but your relationship sounds dysfunctional unfortunately. Describing DH as a "lazy manchild" suggests some terrible problems.

eurochick · 06/02/2015 08:37

eg, freelancing can mean any number of things some are lucrative, some are not. It might not be possible for freelancing to be lucrative in the OP's field b

egnahc · 06/02/2015 09:41

eg, freelancing can mean any number of things some are lucrative, some are not. It might not be possible for freelancing to be lucrative in the OP's field b

If it wasn't lucrative for some then there wouldn't be a freelance market in that area. like everything else in life you have to work at it and see it as a business- dedicate the time to it. One you get a client base then you don't have to lower prices etc. If there wasn't a demand for freelancers in whatever area the op works in then there wouldn't be work. If there isn't work as a freelancer then either you are not good enough or not in a suitable area for freelancing- look for another.

jelliebelly · 06/02/2015 09:45

You do realise that dp will still expect you to do everything as well as working don't you?

TwoOddSocks · 06/02/2015 09:53

I have to say I was also distracted by your description of your husband. WTF?! Why do you have to beg him for pocket money. I can understand having separate bank accounts but I can't understand one partner having significantly more disposable income than the other. It seems unlikely that going to work will protect you from your husband being a selfish twat.

That said in your situation I'd want as much independence as I could get and if you can find a lovely childminder for your DD2 I don't think you should beat yourself up about returning to work. Life for a DC2 will never be the same for a DC1, they will never have your undivided attention, they'll always have a playmate etc. You can't create an identical environment they'll have some advantages and some disadvantages. Do what you feel will be best for the family as a whole and try not to beat yourself up.

Flip