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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD (age 7) wants an iphone

50 replies

frankie80 · 05/02/2015 21:46

because all her friends have one Hmm

its her birthday in 2 weeks. DH is saying lets just get her one. DM says the same (although I don't think DM fully understands!)

So DD now thinks she's getting an iphone.

I am adamant she's not getting one. 12 yo maybe, definitely not 7.

I'm suggesting instead a phone for her room, allowing us a bit of control over who she phones and who she answers the phone to.

AIBU? Any other 7 year olds out there with mobiles??

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/02/2015 22:18

Give her an old bakelite phone and tell her she can have a top of the range iPhone when she sends you a text with that one....

morethanpotatoprints · 05/02/2015 22:18

A phone doesn't have to be a gadget, or have internet access or even be taken out of the house.
Children need to communicate and imo social media is not right for children.
We were lucky that when our older two were younger, kids had phones but there was no internet access for children. We only had to worry about the family pc and they were supervised until they were 16 on the internet Shock

I didn't care about who had what or peer pressure and neither did they because it was our belief. They had phones though from an early age and used them regularly.
Unless you let your children communicate you are doing them a disservice and at this age its only going to be 5 minutes of giggling about what miss said today.

You can monitor, listen in and stuff, they usually shout over the house anyway. They are playing and learning communication skills.

Phones are an essential form of communication, young children don't need gadgets and social media/ most internet, but they need phones imo.

Rant over.

Goneintohibernation · 05/02/2015 22:18

DS is 7, and had an iPhone and iPad on his Christmas list. I don't think he was too surprised not to get either. He didn't comment on it anyway. I think it will probably be on the list for many years yet. I will get him a cheap mobile when I am willing to let him out without me, but I don't see him getting an iPhone for many years yet! Smile

PopularNamesInclude · 05/02/2015 22:24

You don't want her calling anyone but have suggested a phone in her room. Once you cross a certain line with technology - and i think an ipod touch is over it - it is pretty much crossed. I don't think an iphone is a major step on from what she already owns. I wouldn't but my 7 year old an iphone, but i don't really get your objection. Your dh wants her to have one. Why?

I have a niece with an iphone, a ds, an xbox, playstation, a laptop, a kindle and an ipad. No idea what they're getting her for 9th birthday. What's left?

Dancergirl · 05/02/2015 22:27

Why on earth do young children need phones morethan??

RueDeWakening · 05/02/2015 22:27

Dd (7) says she has an iPhone. Technically she's right, she has dh's old iPhone 3, with limited wifi access and no SIM card. But it still counts apparently Grin

GreenGrassStains · 05/02/2015 22:29

Oops Blush
My DS 8 has an iPhone 5c, mostly as I wanted him to have one he could contact me in an emergency off, but also play games on/take photos and watch videos which wouldn't end up declining in quality quickly like a lot of phones seem to.

DD 3 has a hudl 2, an alternative maybe? It's great for games and Netflix as it's got such a large screen, and it has parental settings where you can set up a separate account with only the level of access appropriate for each child.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 05/02/2015 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dancergirl · 05/02/2015 22:42

Don't get me started on games!

Lots of children love playing games as do lots of adults. You can play games on practically anything these days. I don't understand why you would want to actively encourage that activity?

Playing with techy stuff will always be more appealing that doing other stuff. That's why I think it's so important to encourage dc to play with non electronic toys, craft, drawing, playing outside, imaginary games etc for as long as they can. Because that stage won't last forever. The techy stuff isn't going anywhere and I'm not saying it's wrong or bad. I often hear people say the two are not mutually exclusive and their children do plenty of both. That may be, but introducing and encouraging techy stuff too soon is the slippery slope.

I think it's terribly sad to hear of children outgrowing toys at the age of 7/8.

Opopanax · 05/02/2015 22:44

DD is 8 and has an iPhone. She has had it for a few years. She has it because

a) it was my old one and hence basically free when I moved on to something else.

b) her dad works away from home a lot and it is really nice for her to have a private way to talk to him. They do facetime and iMessages.

c) she has no sim card and hence no way to call anyone or spend money (she doesn't know the app store password and it's on my account so I would see any activity anyway).

d) she probably doesn't use it for more than 10 minutes a day unless it is to talk to her father when he is abroad (normally she just plays a silly pet care game in bed when she wakes up and for a few minutes before she goes to bed).

So essentially she has a freebie iPod Touch with less storage and fewer features which she doesn't use much.

Opopanax · 05/02/2015 22:46

Playing with techy stuff will always be more appealing that doing other stuff.

I really don't think that is always true. I've never bothered to set any limits on DD's use of her phone because it hasn't been necessary. She would far rather be reading or writing stories or drawing, the vast majority of the time.

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 05/02/2015 22:46

My DD1 can't wait till she's a teenager so she can have a mobile (she's 7) her own words. Ive never said she has to wait until she's a teenager (Ive decided secondary school, but not told her this yet) she just decided herself.

DD2 has what she calls an ipad, but its a vtec thing aimed at 3-8 year olds. She enjoys listening to the learning songs and tracing letters.

Sometimes its good to teach a child that they can't have everything they want.

morethanpotatoprints · 05/02/2015 22:48

Dancergirl

To improve communication skills, to socialise.
I can see how this is a aid to communication, I grew up in a time when people of all ages communicated by phone, only we had phone boxes.
We were lucky though because we were able to communicate with friends all the time, everything wasn't always structured and organised there was more opportunity to communicate with friends.
Now unless your dc go to lots of clubs and activities the chance isn't always there.
We think they have lots of chances but apart from playtime at school ther in't a lot of opportunity for full conversation.

mrsbabookaloo · 05/02/2015 22:50

"all her friends have one"....as I constantly say to dd who is 8, all your friends are lying or exaggerating.

Kids say anything. Those that say they have one possibly have an old phone of their parents that doesn't actually do anything.

Dd nearly didn't go on an ice skating trip because "all my friends can ice skate, and I'll be the only one who can't". She went in the end, and could all her friends ice skate?.....could they heckers like, as we used to say. Of course they couldn't.

magimedi · 05/02/2015 22:52

I'm pushing 60 & can't justify spending money (& I could afford it) on an iphone or ipad.

Sorry, I can not see why a 7 year old needs one.

Dancergirl · 05/02/2015 22:53

There was a report recently about school leavers lacking basic communication skills including making eye contact, smiling and reading people's body language. You can't learn those by making a phone call.

Face to face communication is important here first and foremost, so children can learn to link tone of voice to facial expressions.

I still fail to see the reason for a phone.

Opopanax · 05/02/2015 22:56

LOL at heckers like! My mum used to say that.

Dancergirl, the main thing my DD uses her phone for (after a silly game that takes up less than ten minutes a day) is facetiming her dad when he isn't at home. She is absolutely using it for face to face communication when the real thing isn't available.

GreenPetal94 · 05/02/2015 22:57

If you buy her an iphone at 7, what will you buy her by 17. Say no.

morethanpotatoprints · 05/02/2015 23:00

Dancer

Oh well, never mind, I do.
Of course its not face to face but neither is social media or playing on games in your bedroom, not talking to anybody.
I find it ironic that something invented in the 1870's as a communication aid is considered bad for children because the internet exists.

duchesse · 05/02/2015 23:01

No. That's all you need to say to her. She's 7 FGS. When is she EVER going to need to use a phone independently in the next 5 years? AFAIC it's a slippery slope to excessive reliance on technology at far too young an age, and failure to develop the sort of resilience and knowledge that come from really experiencing the world. I'm no Luddite, but I do think there are sensible ages for everything, and this ain't it. She ought to be reading, doing crafts, doing sports, music etc... Not talking shit all evening long to her school friends.

bonkersLFDT20 · 05/02/2015 23:01

Clearly she is not mature enough for an iPhone if her only reason is that her friends have one. Are you sure all her friends have one anyway? Who on earth does she mix with? I've never heard of a 7 year old with a mobile phone.

Get her to tell you why she needs one and have a discussion about it. That's what I did with my 15 year old when he graduated from cheapy handset PAYG to smart phone contract.

kennyp · 05/02/2015 23:06

i've said to my dd that when she has her own wage slip she can pay for whatever she wants, but until then she's got a phone which can text and make calls etc and nothing else and categorically on principle becuase i am a mean mother, apparently i'm not getting her an iphone.

she's 12 and i've categorically said no. she spends all day with her friends monday to friday. if not being able to follow someone on instragram is a deal breaker then i'm speechless sighing loudly

i could have just said you're not being unreasonable. which you're entirely not. she's seven!! (i am good at telling you how old your dd is, aren't i)

too much bloody screens around. they'll all end up with dicky necks and back problems and will forget what eye contact is. my soap box is reinforced

HearTheThunderRoar · 05/02/2015 23:10

Agree with you dancer

At the age of 7 my Dd was playing on her trampoline or swimming or doing some sort of sport but we never had tablets etc when she was 7, I am so grateful she manage just skip the iPad for kids generation. I just cannot understand why kids need this technology, let them be kids FFS. She went on the computer/TV for a couple hours in the weekend and very little during the week due to swimming commitments.

My DD has an iPhone but she is 15, she bought it off her friend's dad for $150, no way would I buy her one apart from the fact I cannot afford it, she doesn't need one! My DD (very anxious child) had a phone when she was 10 but that was for emergency only as DH worked away during the week so if I was running late/plans changed etc I could let her know, it was only DH old one, the bog standard flip flop samsung that had one game and song on! She only had my number on it too.

greatbigbushybeard · 05/02/2015 23:10

You are being totally reasonable about this and sane. The people that let their 7 year olds have I phones are the nutters. Fwiw children often say all their friends have a certain something but it's usually rubbish. I work in a school & can tell you none of our 7 year olds have phones. It's madness. Please stick to your guns, your dd will soon move on to wanting the next thing and forget about this.

morethanpotatoprints · 05/02/2015 23:17

Kennyp

Thats exactly what we said too.
Our eldest bought his first with first wages . Ds2 had one for 16th birthday.
They were either the fist iphone or something similar, that long ago I've forgotten Sad

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