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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel totally humiliated for no reason ...

21 replies

Lillianbellamy · 04/02/2015 14:11

Because I just got told off by a posh woman. Anyone else, and i would have stood my ground. But she reminded me of a teacher/ my mum and I just sloped off, looking really unprofessional and childish, without putting my reasoned point across. And now I know they are all laughing at me. Aargh. Why are posh people so intimidating?

OP posts:
GokTwo · 04/02/2015 14:13

You poor thing. I bet you have all sorts of clever retorts that you wish you'd said at the time. Things like that are awful. Do you have to see her again?

SunnyBaudelaire · 04/02/2015 14:14

do you mean she enunciated her words correctly? Anyone can do that if they put their mind to it.

GraysAnalogy · 04/02/2015 14:14

What made her 'posh'?

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2015 14:17

Why are posh people so intimidating?

They're not.

But you obviously feel they are, so only you can answer why you find them intimidating.

DeanKoontz · 04/02/2015 14:18

Why did she tell you off?

Original poster
Lillianbellamy · 04/02/2015 14:21

Greys: Aristocracy. Very posh voice. Made me feel like a servant. I realise this is my problem (some of my best friends are upper class, etc. etc ...) but I wish I wasn't so intimidated.

Gok thank you. Yes I do! Not sure if I will see her again because she's a client and basically told the whole office I'm an idiot. Which I'm not. And actually I was not even being particularly idiotic (which I can certainly be ...) And there is no one to comiserate with irl because I don't want to be even more unprofessional or let anyone know that I care.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lillianbellamy · 04/02/2015 14:27

Dean because I wouldn't do her work for her. I thought I was there for a meeting about PR strategy, she thought I was going to be her admin assistant or something. She is a well connected and powerful trustee. I am simply the manager with 10 years' experience and qualificaitions to do this job. It was all very 'put Lillian in her place.'

Ok, IABU I know. I wish I didn't work in publishing. If I had my time again, I would choose something that paid better and cared less about class.

OP posts:
lordStrange · 04/02/2015 14:34

she is a stupid cow, obviously!

Sometimes I can feel a bit of shock that I can (still) be intimidated by someone - not necessarily by someone 'posh' but someone perhaps rather aggressive, or opinionated etc. Then I unravel the cause of it and determine not to be worried by this type of person again.

Original poster
Lillianbellamy · 04/02/2015 14:37

Thank you Lord, I need to do the same! Obviously, I don't need her approval. And worrying about it stopping me do the things I really ought to be doing for people I do care about and whose opinions I value.

so. I am getting myself a grip!

OP posts:
Vivacia · 04/02/2015 14:41

To use the language of Transactional Analysis it sounds to me as though she initiated a conversation in her Parent mode, and therefore you responded for your Child place, rather than steering the conversation in to Adult to Adult.

Marshpillow · 04/02/2015 14:49

Your colleagues probably think she's a dick for speaking to you like that. Try not to feel embarrassed, they'll forget about it soon.

Original poster
Lillianbellamy · 04/02/2015 14:49

Vivacia I like that. Thank you. That is making me feel a lot calmer about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 04/02/2015 15:12

If it helps, posh people are one of the groups that can put me in my Child very easily!

skylark2 · 04/02/2015 15:16

"Not sure if I will see her again because she's a client and basically told the whole office I'm an idiot."

Horrible when that happens, and you can't tell them exactly what you think of them because, well, they're the client and you're pretty much stuck in servant mode unless you risk them taking the hump and their business elsewhere.

I suspect that once she's safely out of the way, the rest of your office will express solidarity.

GokTwo · 04/02/2015 15:20

Ugh! You just want to wipe it from your memory don't you? I had a strangely humiliating experience like that with my usually fantastic boss last week. Long, boring story but I was SO upset, angry and embarrassed about it, I thought of it all weekend. Luckily I work with a very dear friend who was outraged on my behalf so that helped....it's fine again now. Are your colleagues supportive and likely to stand up for you?

Original poster
Lillianbellamy · 04/02/2015 15:54

yes, I wish I wasn't still thinking about it!

Sorry to hear about your outrage Gok - hope it is all well behind you now

OP posts:
BeggingYourPardon · 04/02/2015 16:00

Oh gosh I would have cried. I'm a rational adult but confrontation, being angry or embarrassed will make me cry. It drives me MAD.

Original poster
Lillianbellamy · 04/02/2015 16:03

i know, it's sooooo annoying. I could feel myself blushing and getting all fidgety and embarassed like a school child.

OP posts:
QTPie · 04/02/2015 16:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

drudgetrudy · 04/02/2015 20:37

Eleanor Rooseveldt "No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

She is just a very rude person and made herself look rather silly-forget about it.Flowers

DeanKoontz · 04/02/2015 21:34

I have a manager like that. She has decided I will do her admin for her and gets very shouty when I don't. It's not in my job description. It is a constant mental battle of wills. I am slightly taller than her, so I just tend to stand up and say nothing till she goes away. Sometimes it works; sometimes she has a tantrum Grin.

Be ready, for next time she comes in.

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