To expect dd to get the bus?

[Dancergirl]

Dd1 is 13.5, Year 9 at school. For the first two years of secondary school she got the school coach there and back. I was happy to pay for it, the stop is near home and it was reliable and convenient. Plus there's a late coach if they stay for activities.

At the start of Year 9, she said she wanted to continue getting the coach in the morning but get the tube home with her friends in the afternoon. It takes longer this way and she has to change tube lines but she wanted to do it as it's more sociable. Fine I said, but she has to be responsible for getting home from the station (station is a short bus ride away from home).

So of course now I'm getting calls from her asking her to come and pick her up from the station. I have two younger dds who also need ferrying around and if I pick dd up from the station it involves more planning and stress, especially if I'm picking up or dropping the other two in the opposite direction. I've said to her that I'll collect her if I can but can't promise.

But these calls are driving me mad! Every day she phones both on the landline and mobile asking to be picked up. She's ok about it if I say no, doesn't get stroppy or anything like that and says she's just asking. And sometimes I feel a bit mean not getting her after a long day at school and a longish journey.

AIBU to expect her to get the bus home and stop calling me?

Yanbu. She wanted to take the tube. Let her own the responsibility. Obviously if it is raining or snowing you can reconsider but otherwise let her figure it out.

yanbu. she had the choice and decided to opt for the tube knowing the conditions.

You said she could get the tube if she was responsible for getting herself home from the tube station.

She isn't.

So either she accepts that responsibility or she goes back to taking the coach. No more calls unless it's an emergency. She's 13.5, in her third year of senior school so what is the big deal about getting a bus after the tube? She's more than old enough to cope with this.

She's just trying it on. Remind her of the deal and ask what she wants to do now. Her choice.

Oh - and loads of school kids regularly do these sort of journeys at a much younger age. But if it's too much for her, then it's back to the coach.

Just keep repeating the message - you need to get yourself home from the station as agreed. And actually, get a bit cross about the daily phone calls. She's got a choice. Take the tube and get home under her own steam as agreed or catch the coach. There isn't a third option that involves phoning you and getting a lift. The end.

What Katie said.

see what I did there?

Thanks all. I thought that was probably the answer! I'm just a softie!

YANBU to not pick her up but If you told her you "will if you can" then I'm not surprised she keeps calling up, she wants to know if you can. Just let her know that you're not picking her up unless there's snow/she's broken her legs/some other emergency.

YANBU. I'm guessing no one else gets the same bus so she is getting the fun chatting on the tube and then can't be arsed with the boring bit on the bus.

I'd tell her in future that you'll text her when you are able to pick her up otherwise not to call unless the bus isn't running.

YANBU and stick to your guns. School coach OR tube + bus. Option of tube + lift home not available. End of.