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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this a good enough reason to park here?

50 replies

ladyfordington · 03/02/2015 00:19

I have a permit from my DC's Head teacher to park in the school car park when dropping off and picking up at school times. Only cars with a permit are allowed to park here.

I was given the permit for my 8yr old DD - she is partially sighted and is autistic, she also has dyspraxia and hypermobility.

Today however, a parent at school questioned my DD's need to park in the car park, as she is obviously capable of walking - their opinion was that only a child who was immobile should need to be dropped off 'at the door' and that there was no reason DD couldn't walk the same distance as the rest of the pupils whose parents park elsewhere.

She does have mild difficulty walking and with balance, but the reason we park within school grounds is mainly due to her visual impairment - she cannot see oncoming traffic, or cars reversing etc, and has no concept of danger. As I have two younger children to supervise too and with the traffic so heavy during the school run, the Head Teacher was happy to give me the permit to ensure DD's safety. To clarify, once parked, I get out and walk the DC's into the playground, I'm not just driving away and using the permit for my own convenience.

Since the other parent's comments today though, I've felt pretty shitty and can't help feeling others are looking at me and thinking I'm just lazy or making excuses when DD's need is not that great.

AIBU to use the parking pass given the circumstances?

OP posts:

PixieofCatan · 03/02/2015 09:14

It's none of the other parents business. It's between you and the head and I assume that the head feels that there is a need for your daughter to need the permit.

I nannied a child with ASD and he had a blue badge, part of his need for the badge was due to his ASD making him unaware of dangers so we needed to be able to get him in and around destinations safely, with minimal road crossing. Distances were also a factor but the main thing was his safety. The amount of people who would get funny about it was ridiculous though, as if help for people with disabilities should only be given to those with obvious physical hindrances

Stinkle · 03/02/2015 09:24

YANBU, you don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

The head gave you the pass, tell busy body to take it up with the head if she has a problem

Parking in the school car park always seems to bring out the green eyed monster at our school. I picked up and delivered lots of stuff to school one day and I was given permission to park in the car park for ease of unloading and it caused all sorts of fuss (well, to be honest, I was doing them a favour and wasn't going to lug heavy boxes miles up the road so it was either let me park there or sort it out yourself)

OddFodd · 03/02/2015 09:30

The other parent's opinion is bigoted and simply wrong. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

laughingmyarseoff · 03/02/2015 10:08

Tell her to mind her own business, you don't need to justify to anyone and if the parent has an issue they can speak to the head. Frankly, the sound envious.

minibmw2010 · 03/02/2015 10:17

They're just jealous so ignore.

ShadowSpiral · 03/02/2015 10:18

YANBU. If your reasons for needing a pass are good enough for the head, then they're good enough for you to use the pass.

I'm guessing that the other parent is unaware of your daughter's conditions and is lacking the ability to understand that if you've got a pass then there must be a less obvious explanation than being "immobile" for you to have one. And it's absolutely none of her business. I'd either ignore her or tell her to take it up with the head if she has an issue with it.

Crinkle77 · 03/02/2015 10:52

Tell the cheeky cow to mind her own business. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone else

IHeartChristmasMoomies · 03/02/2015 10:57

You didn't even have to list your daughter's disabilities OP, it's no one's business but yours.

If the Head has given you a permit, then in the eyes of the school you need it. Doesn't matter about the reason.

If she talks to you again just tell her to take it up with the Head if she's got a problem with it.

Original poster

ladyfordington · 03/02/2015 11:19

I wish now I'd told her to mind her own business. As it was, I was just so shocked that she was questioning it - she asked me directly, I didn't overhear - that I was just gobsmacked and only managed to say DD has special needs and is entitled to a parking pass.

It's true that she probably doesn't know all of DD's problems, but she does know that she has a full time 1:1 support assistant, so surely that would tell her enough???

It's the first time anyone has ever been negative regarding DD's needs and it threw me. It's nice to know that kind of opinion is the minority anyway. I guess I'll need to grow a thicker skin for the school playground!

OP posts:

KnittedJimmyChoos · 03/02/2015 11:46

Today however, a parent at school questioned my DD's need to park in the car park, as she is obviously capable of walking

Hmmmm..

I would tell the head teacher to be honest, let her know its upset you and get the head to take it up with the parent. I am sure - she would be happy to do this.

Because its not your dd the parent is questioning but the school in giving you the pass.

People are what can one say? Atrocious?

I had my disabled Father visiting once, with blue badge, he never picks up dc from school....as lives far away, so once, he drove into school which is allowed with blue badge, and people were crossing without looking, nearly walked into us, Dad stopped thankfully, and they screamed at us...not allowed in, I can walk so why is he driving in etc...

Too much to try and explain at the time to them and we never went in again.

My dad just wanted to get as close as poss so he could walk in and surprise dd as saw her very rarely.

I see them every single day with their gc, picking them up from school...nice for them eh?

Ignorant.....

KnittedJimmyChoos · 03/02/2015 11:49

It's true that she probably doesn't know all of DD's problems,

Look no one should ever make you feel like you have to explain your dd condition and certainly not within ear shot of any of your children!

Its disgraceful behaviour.

Tell the school, just say - so and so spoke to me in a very upsetting manner today, questioning our need for a pass....I stammered something about my DD condition but as you can imagine it was all very in appropriate can you please have a word with her for us, and also on schools decision to give pass....

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/02/2015 11:49

use the pass. She can do what everyone else does and arrive at school an hour early just to secure a space within 6 ft of the gates if she's worried about the distance age has to.walk.

ConfusedInBath · 03/02/2015 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dawndonnaagain · 03/02/2015 12:01

Ignore, she's that strange combination of weird and nosy that one seems to attract when one has a child with a difference. They always want to know what is 'wrong' with your child, why you are employing a blue badge/other space, and they always feel they have a god given right to comment. Dd has been telling them to go about their business (in no uncertain terms) since she was about fourteen.

heartisaspade · 03/02/2015 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5dogsgoswimming · 03/02/2015 12:17

It is outrageous that this person has commented this to you . As if you haven't got enough on your plate.

You : "I've got a pass, if you have any issues with that then discuss this with the head teacher "

5dogsgoswimming · 03/02/2015 12:18

Honestly this kind of thing really annoys me! I hate the type of people who feel they have to say everything that comes into their head! It's none of her business! Argh ! You must be very annoyed!

Hoppinggreen · 03/02/2015 12:21

Want a cow, it's none of her bloody business why you have a pass.
You having one doesn't affect her in the slightest. I would just ignore her and definitely NOT justify myself

OddFodd · 03/02/2015 12:23

Whether she knows your DD has 1-2-1 or not is irrelevant. It's none of her business.

DeladionInch · 03/02/2015 12:26

"My daughter's confidential medical information is private" if someone's rude enough to ask again

Trunkisareshite · 03/02/2015 12:44

'We can go through my DD medical records publicly and you can ask any questions you like, if we can go though yours in the same way' would be a perfectly acceptable response. FWIW if I'd over heard the rude woman I'd have though she was an ignorant dick head as I'm sure most people would so don't worry about anyone else thinking like she does.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 03/02/2015 13:02

Sensible answer - I would seriously let the head know, we had a problem with people complaining cars with BBs were allowed in school car park - they then stuck the caretaker on duty to make sure we weren't harassed - and that other parents didn't park there and take the piss as had been happening "as they're allowed why can't we".

Not so sensible - print this thread out and hand it to said fucknugget of a parent who questioned you.

Sorry you're feeling bad, some people are dicks.

SomethingOnce · 03/02/2015 13:06

It'd be entirely justifiable to print and distribute this thread, actually, but would save printer ink if the, um, fucknugget in question were reading.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 03/02/2015 14:15

Fucknugget is probably reading the DailyMail online, or possibly netmumming.

*I cannot take credit for the wonderful insult of "fucknugget", I got it from SGB.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 04/02/2015 22:34

Ignorant, nosy, rude cah.

I don't understand what this woman thought she'd gain from confronting you , as if maybe you'd give up your pass, by her comments suddenly being made aware that you no longer need it, and then giving her the pass. But then, does she want to have, or her children to have, extra difficulties that they don't already in order to park closer to school? Just pathetic really.

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