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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to feel gutted for my DS

47 replies

shewalkslikerihanna · 02/02/2015 22:56

Basically it looks like when his dad passed away recently he hasn't left a will. He thought the world of his dad and his dad him. He spent a lot of time with him while he was ill

His dad gave him the impression that he would leave him a decent inheritance. I'm talking no more than £10,000 with £5 ,000 being minimum

His dad had earned a lot of money in his working life a lot of it tax free in another country. He was really high up the tree in his profession.

There doesn't appear to be a will. Just a signed letter with everything going to his widow. So there's no idea how much he has left.

He was given £1000.

I'm devastated for him as he is and he is not a money person far from it. Just a hard working family man who works all the hours God sends to make ends meet. His car is 10 years old. He feels awful about this but he feels his dad would be upset if he was here. Why his dad never made proper provision I don't know. His dad was very generous while alive. I can't believe he hasn't safeguarded some money for his son.
The one he thought the world of.
Please don't think my son has an air of entitlement. He doesn't. He would go round in rags as long as his wife and children were provided for.
Meanwhile his dad's widow swans around in a big car and a big house.

OP posts:
Toofat2BtheFly · 03/02/2015 13:40

My dad did the same , gave us the impression there was a couple of quid for us in his will .

Apparently there was no will and the wife of 3 weeks got the lot .

It's hurts but it's the way it is .

It's not greedy or entitled , it's more about knowing he did care about his kids not just whichever woman he was with at the time ... Turns out he didn't , bastard !

Sorry , bit of a rant on my part !!

Original poster
shewalkslikerihanna · 03/02/2015 17:38

I know its hard to write about this third hand and only limited information but I know there's some clever people on here aligned to the legal profession who could give more than an educated guess .

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 03/02/2015 17:46

It sounds like it's been settled very quickly... When my Dad passed away (without making a will), it took 4 years to go through probate.
Dying intestate usually means major delays in administering the estate.

Original poster
shewalkslikerihanna · 03/02/2015 17:48

Spot on Tara. Yes he idolized my son's son.( grandson) . Nothing for him either. My ex was generous to a fault. One of his few good points. I can't believe that he didn't make provision for him and his son and why did his widow grab my son at the funeral and say don't worry your dad's looked after you.
We enter this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. We leave behind our reputation. Well my ex has well sullied his
( and that was before this last escapade ) but my son never wavered in his love and loyalty.

OP posts:
ssd · 03/02/2015 17:55

op, am very sorry for your son

but I think when the dust settles on this, he will still remember his dad with love, and that means a lot.

TidyDancer · 03/02/2015 18:11

The house fell through so in a way my son felt he'd put it by for him

Did your DS's father actually say the money was out by or has your DS assumed that was the case? I don't mean to suggest he should be any less worthy of the money because of course he is worthy of it, but is it possible that his father never intended for him to inherit now, but rather when his stepmother died?

I don't know very much about all this though tbh. My father died three years ago without a will but no wife, so it was simpler in terms of inheritance.

TidyDancer · 03/02/2015 18:12

*money was put by

I can't type. Blush

FluffyMcnuffy · 03/02/2015 18:31

It's very sad for your DS Sad.

I'm confused though as to why he thinks his dad wanted to leave him something when there's a witnessed letter saying otherwise?

Original poster
shewalkslikerihanna · 03/02/2015 18:55

Because it was all done verbally fluffy.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 03/02/2015 18:56

Before or after the letter was written?

FluffyMcnuffy · 03/02/2015 19:07

What was all done verbally? People often say things they don't follow through on.

PtolemysNeedle · 03/02/2015 19:15

What makes you so certain that there was cash left to leave?

Presumably neither you not your son would want someone who has just lost their husband to have to leave their home or sell their car for the sake of a grown adult getting a few thousand in inheritance?

Did his widow maybe mean that your son had an expensive watch or car or some other possession left to him rather than cash?

And I have to say, I think it's quite horrible of you to refer to your ex's widow as someone who 'swans around with a big house and a big car'. Presumably that's her home and her car and nothing to do with you or your son.

Cherriesandapples · 03/02/2015 19:21

My father died intestate and my mother received 50% and the next 50% was to be shared between me and my siblings, although we all agreed to sign it over to her because we didn't want to split the estate up. Your DS and any siblings / half siblings would be entitled to half the estate.

Tinks42 · 03/02/2015 19:25

But you yourself said he was very generous to his son when he was alive.

He obviously remarried quite a long time ago and rightly so he should leave his wife more or less everything.

Tinks42 · 03/02/2015 19:27

Your son has the capacity to earn and im sure his dads widow doesnt?

PtolemysNeedle · 03/02/2015 19:30

Out of interest, if anyone knows, what's the difference between a will and a signed and witnessed letter?

TidyDancer · 03/02/2015 20:08

OP, did your DS's dad actually say the money he was going to lend him for the house deposit would instead be left to your DS as an inheritance?

I did ask this up thread but I think it may have been missed.

Tbh, I think a lot of assumptions have been made by your DS (understandably so but still....). The stepmother has not helped matters by saying what she did though (unless she considers £1000 to be a lot of money - to some people it is).

Original poster
shewalkslikerihanna · 03/02/2015 21:48

The widow is 10 years younger than I am (early 50s)and the money for the house was to be a gift.

They married 3_4 years ago and no he doesn't want anyone to sell their house.

OP posts:
Original poster
shewalkslikerihanna · 03/02/2015 21:50

Before they went to the ME she was earning £40,000 a year. My son's dad about £50,000 to£60,000 a year

OP posts:
Original poster
shewalkslikerihanna · 03/02/2015 21:52

Thanks ssd. I appreciate your comments.

OP posts:
ssd · 04/02/2015 08:06

Thanks. hard, hard situation..but you've got a good son there.

Original poster
shewalkslikerihanna · 09/02/2015 12:49

Certainly have and have just drawn a line under it and moved on . Thanks for all contributions to the thread.

OP posts:
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