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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to do fair share of morning get ups?

38 replies

breakingthebank · 02/02/2015 06:54

I work FT. Dh isn't working at the moment. We have 3dcs. I get up every day with the baby no matter what time he wakes while dh lies in. I have told him this isn't fair and he just gets defensive and starts telling me what he does do. These discussions/arguments don't result in him getting up with baby. Really fed up Sad

OP posts:
Cliffdiver · 02/02/2015 08:55

Wow that is so unfair.

In our house we take it in turns to get up (usually at 4.30am) with DD2.
Monday: Me
Tuesday: DH
Wednesday: Me
Thursday: DH
Friday: DH as I work an 8-8 nightshift on Wednesday
Saturday: Me
Sunday: DH

DH is also incharge of all night wakings with DD2 (1 or 2 a night), he says it is only fair as I had 6 solid months of being woken hourly by ebf DD2.

You need to tell your DH to pull his finger out.

YonicScrewdriver · 02/02/2015 08:56

When do the older children get up on weekends? Can you trabsfer to one of their beds?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/02/2015 09:00

Do your elder two get up early? I'd be tempted On the weekend to give him the baby and then get in the children's bed and go back to sleep.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 02/02/2015 09:04

We had an issue with me doing all get ups, every day, weekends to, night waking too... I think it stemmedfrom breasts feeding which gave him the excuse that heccouldn't sort out the baby... But I only fed each one for around a year, and 3 DC in and all bf finished it was still the case.

That was 2 years ago - I finally put my foot down and insisted that after 7 years without a lie in we'd be getting one weekend lie in a week. I'm the SAHP (though I work some evenings) and DH leaves for work very early, so I do school mornings obviously.

Took a while of insisting, and DH refusing to get up before 6.30am - that meant the youngest started getting into our bed at 5.30am, which he had never done before and meant he pestered me for an hour til DH finally got up, so initially my "lie in" was actually going back to sleep after that...

It's worth being bloody minded and persevering even if your "lie in" isn't genuine at first - if you just give in and do all the get ups and all the paid work you will end up so resentful.

Is your DH actively job seeking or a SAHP?

YonicScrewdriver · 02/02/2015 09:06

And if you have to get up in the meantime - don't take the baby with you!

Original poster
breakingthebank · 02/02/2015 10:14

Thanks all. I don't think IBU but good to hear others don't either. My dh works casually so sometimes he'll be working full time but he hasn't had any work for the last few weeks. When he is at work he has to leave the house at 7.15am so could get up with baby and feed him on those days but he gets up 10 mins before he has to leave and just gets himself ready, says he hasn't got time to see to baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
breakingthebank · 02/02/2015 10:19

My older 2 usually wake at the same time but stay in their room playing (they are junior school age) so I wouldn't get a rest in their room. The idea about leaving baby with him and going downstairs is a good one, something I haven't tried although if that becomes a habit I still won't get any lie ins! I really have done the "telling him straight" strategy. It ends up with him getting defensive, us arguing and then nothing changes anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
breakingthebank · 02/02/2015 10:24

MrTumbles that is exactly what happens. He refuses to get up if baby is in the bed and I feel bad that poor child is subject to a battle of wills between his parents so I just get up with him! Mind you, it is quite clear where dh's entitled attitude comes from. His dad was praising him for being a wonderful father recently because he knows how to change a nappy (which he only does if I'm not around).

OP posts:
ChatEnOeuf · 02/02/2015 10:24

He sounds like a very selfish individual. I've recently stopped working (used to work lots of long days and strange shifts, but we've moved and I am not working). DH works full time. I get up every morning with DD, do the school run, all the cleaning, laundry etc. We split the evening cooking as we both quite enjoy that. Weekends we share the lie-ins, one each. It's been like it since we arrived here and it will probably only change once another DC arrives and I'm BF-ing again.

Viviennemary · 02/02/2015 10:27

If he is the one not working then he should be the one doing most of the morning get ups. If not tell him to get a job.

FructoseTart · 02/02/2015 10:30

I had the same problem with my DP. Baby is now 2. I used to kick him and turn over, if he brought baby to bed and baby started grabbing me I would moan like a mofo. He soon got the message! Now if she wakes up he just does it on cue :)

Starlightbright1 · 02/02/2015 13:05

I am left wondering why he isn't working...IT doesn't sound like he is relishing the time with baby?

YonicScrewdriver · 02/02/2015 14:46

At least if you got up alone you could have a relaxing cup of tea and he might realise his strategy of doing nothing isn't paying off.

Why do you have time to see to baby and work but he doesn't if he is working?

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