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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Wish This Woman would leave us alone?

14 replies

ILikeShineyThings · 01/02/2015 19:44

I'm a lurker so know how harsh this forum can be.

I have a degree, but found out I was pregnant 3 weeks before my final exams. I was in a long distance relationship with my partner, who was back in my home town and we’d been together almost a year, however known each other for nearly 3 years before getting together after meeting through an after school club. We couldn’t go through with an abortion so after finishing my exams, graduating and moving in together, in our home town, our daughter came along.

P works two jobs so that I can stay at home with our daughter who has just turned 1, although we plan for me to be working hopefully within the next year or so as I’d like to put my degree to use. We do pretty well (if I do say so myself).

P is brilliant father to our DD; always helped with night feeds where he could, does bath and bedtimes, never stopped me going out with friends, love spending time with her. I don’t expect him to help round the house due to doing two jobs but he does the occasional washing load and loves washing up.

P has an aunt (mother-in-laws sister) who is only 10 years older than him. And I am sure that she is jealous of the life we live. She has 4 children with 3 different fathers, non of whom she’s in a relationship with and non of them pay for their child/ren or see them. She is also unemployed herself through choice. She’s constantly moaning to GMIL, and to MIL about how unfair it is that my DD has a brilliant father when her children don’t. If she see’s me, she makes a point of asking when we’ll be having more children as apparently her youngest two are the best of friends because they have such a small age gap between them (they’re 2 and 3) and complaining that its unfair on DD or my fertility will drop when I tell her to mind her own business I’d like to wait awhile, I’m only nearly 24 fgs I have at least 10-12 years fertility left.

She tells P off for spending money on DD but not on his cousins, or when I meet up with MIL/Father in Law or other women who have children the same ages as DD without inviting her along. Apparently because her younger two are at home with her all the time and they’re related to my DD then we should be meeting up regularly. If we do something without her or she doesn’t like then she moans and complains to GMIL or her brother until they try and persuade us to do things her way for example, when DD turned 1 last week I had a party with a few of the other mothers and their babies from my NCT group, just a little tea party with wine tea and cake for the mums and juice/milk and cake for babies. It was a quiet affair the day before DDs actual birthday. I knew family would pop in the day after on her actual birthday so wasn’t worried about them. However Aunt got other ideas and turned up at the tea party with all 4 children in tow because apparently “they felt left out”, the children are 12, 8, 3 and 2, the oldest baby was 14months the youngest was 10.5months, so I can’t understand how the children would feel left out.

Another example is with my wedding. P proposed to me when I was 6months pregnant. The money for the ring was given to him by PILs as they had recently bought their daughter (then 17) a car and driving lessons. Aunt of course moaned about this, saying it wasn’t fair that MIL buys things for her own children but not for Aunts children.

P and I are getting married later this year, and Aunt is annoyed because I haven’t asked her and her 3 daughters to be my bridesmaids. She asked me who my maid of honour is and when I said I was going to ask my SIL (my brothers wife) she told me I was being stupid because she wasn’t real family like she is.

Please tell me I’m not paranoid and this woman is deluded annoying, any ideas how I can get rid of her as well?

OP posts:
Izzy24 · 01/02/2015 19:48

You're not paranoid. She sounds awful.

I have no idea what you will do about someone with such odd ideas and no inhibitions about expressing them.

Electriclaundryland · 01/02/2015 19:55

I wonder why she's not in a relationship. Grin

She sounds awful. Yanbu! Goodness knows how to get away from her, short of moving hundreds of miles.

MrsWembley · 01/02/2015 19:56

Have you spoken to your DP about it? She does sound like she has some issues around family ties and such. I assume she's bored to tears and feels the need to create drama around her.

wowfudge · 01/02/2015 19:58

Good grief - the comments, etc I could deal with but it sounds as though the whole family - or whoever is the aunt's sibling - are (inadvertently) encouraging her behaviour by telling her things about you/what you are doing and just giving her too much information about things which are not her concern.

What do other family members think of her and is she the same with everyone?

Get your P to ask them to be more discreet as her behaviour is becoming increasingly interfering - she's his relative after all.

Tobyjugg · 01/02/2015 20:30

You are never going to change her so if you can't cut all contact, you'll just have to swallow hard and learn to live with it. She is a total PITA and you are not BU in wanting her to leave you alone. She sounds awful.

PtolemysNeedle · 01/02/2015 20:55

She sounds awful.

foreverton · 01/02/2015 21:00

The one word that sums her up from your post-jealous.

avocadotoast · 01/02/2015 21:01

Oh my goodness she sounds horrible. You have my sympathies.

Is there any way you can reduce/limit contact with her? I guess it'd be hard if she's used to just dropping in but she needs to get a grip and fuck off!

StrangeGlue · 01/02/2015 21:07

Ah terrible! Basically she needs to know less about you. Would gmil, mil etc be receptive to you /your dp asking them to tell her less about you?

Are you connected on Facebook etc? Could you post less? Not fair on you but might make things easier.

Marmiteandjamislush · 01/02/2015 21:10

YANBU, but if I were you, I would try to show her some compassion. Clearly her life hasn't turned out as she'd hope and it must be quite hard for her to see you and your DP so settled and happy. This is not your fault of course, but you can control your behaviour towards her. If you are pleasant and calm to her it will highlight the nastiness of her behaviour. Hopefully this will be obvious to her and those around her and her manner will adjust.

wheresthelight · 01/02/2015 21:49

Is it possible to just go non contact with her? she sounds awful!!

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 01/02/2015 21:55

There is no way you should have to put up with this kind of behaviour, it would be bad enough from a close relative but an aunt?

I would seriously limit contact and if she kept pushing would stop it all together. I would also make it very very to other relatives that you don't appreciate them trying to dictate what you do with her

I am Shock that she thinks your DP should treat his cousins and his child equally!

Whatisaweekend · 01/02/2015 22:16

She is plainly very jealous of your lovely little family. What does your DP say? (Especially when she implies that he should spend as much money on his cousins as on your child which is just plain weird). Would your Pils comply with a request to give her less info on what you are doing? She needs to have less access to info about you so cannot complain about missing out on meet ups etc.

mrsfuzzy · 01/02/2015 22:47

don't worry, we'll send the mner's hit squad round and sort her out in an al pacino way ! she's sound a complete bitch, all good luck to you and yours. it'll all come good in the end. she's just jealous, try not to let her get you down.

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