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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an extremely arseholey thing to say

55 replies

Discopanda · 31/01/2015 00:38

Long story short, big problems going on at the moment with OH, mainly revolving around the fact that I'm 7 months pregnant and he's decided to go out almost every weekend for the past 2-3 months.
Tonight I told him that I would actually like a break and see my friends instead of being stuck at home the entire time and his response was "Well, women just get a harder life, that's why they get to retire earlier".
Good people of Mumsnet, verdicts please!

OP posts:
notnaice · 31/01/2015 10:49

I hope he want being serious. If he was then you have trouble in your relationship. He needs to make it fair.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 31/01/2015 11:36

So basically, what he's saying is 'tough'. He sounds lovely Hmm . Do you share finances with this man who's so happy to piss away money every weekend while you stay in all the time, costing as little as possible in the hope that you live long enough to be able to enjoy a couple of extra years of retirement that as PP said, won't actually be the case?

Andrewofgg · 31/01/2015 12:38

Thank you charlestonchaplin - there's a mad sort of logic there. You llve and learn.

tarashill · 31/01/2015 12:41

Sounds very much like mine used to be. If I got tearful before or after the baby was born he'd say he had to get out because he couldn't stand crying women.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 12:43

I'd give him the choice of making your life less hard, or have DD to himself every other weekend.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 12:44

You can go out and do your own thing and leave him at home.

Book it and tell him.

hamptoncourt · 31/01/2015 12:44

Kill Him.

HTH

Summerisle1 · 31/01/2015 13:17

He's wrong on all levels. Women do not retire earlier than men since pension age has now been harmonised. Secondly, nobody in an alleged partnership is supposed to work "harder" on the basis of gender alone.

He is behaving like an entitled knob. If this his idea of a joke then he needs to try a deal harder since I find nothing even vaguely humorous about his comments or his behaviour.

angeleyes72 · 31/01/2015 14:17

i would just go out one evening op. You deserve a break as much as he does.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 31/01/2015 14:19

So you are a domestic appliance until retirement age?

Fuck that.

Tell him that you ARE going out and that he IS going to step up as a father and actually take care of his kid.

DropYourSword · 31/01/2015 14:21

If my DH said that to me I'd fucking explode!

TRexingInAsda · 31/01/2015 14:30

Wow. That is an extremely arseholey thing to say. Even supposing he believed it was actually true about women having a harder life in general - shouldn't that mean he'd try extra hard to make your life easier, since he loves you?

"Yes, we have a nearly 3 year old so I can't just go out and do my own thing unless we hired a babysitter." Erm... unless he did his fair share of parenting? Then you could go out 50% of the time, if you wanted.

Lweji · 31/01/2015 14:31

If anything women get a harder life just because the fact that they are the only ones often ruining their bodies to have children in their marriage.
That alone should lead him to protect you more from extra work when you are pregnant, not leaving you to work more.

Does he even do anything at home, btw?

ifgrandmahadawilly · 31/01/2015 14:51

Extreme arseholery. Was he being serious, or just winding you up?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 31/01/2015 15:07

Sorry Disco but what an arse. Get you friends on the phone and organise a pre baby night out. Tell dh its not the 50's!

Lweji · 31/01/2015 15:12

Where does he go on these weekends?

Are you actually sure about where he is and who he is with, BTW?

KissyBoo · 31/01/2015 15:17

I'd tell the fucker to buck his ideas up or he'll be doing every other weekend at the very least as a single dad.

What an absolute knobhead.

Don't put up with this bollocks.

nippiesweetie · 31/01/2015 15:22

I don't know if this is the reason for the different retirement ages, but before effective contraception, antibiotics and other aspects of modern medicine, childbirth was a hazardous and often life ending or shortening business. I recently saw it described as being historically women's equivalent of warfare.

Have women always had a longer life expectancy?

drudgetrudy · 31/01/2015 15:58

Yes, women have had a longer life expectancy for years.
Retirement age has now been equalised.
Original system was set up when many married women didn't work and their husband claimed a married man's pension.
Women were on average younger than their husbands-so for the sake of fairness between women single women got a pension at 60.
Possibly also in those days women were more likely to be seen as frail.

To OP-I think your husband is just being deliberately goady.
Don't take the bait-just stop tolerating his very unfair behaviour.

Andrewofgg · 31/01/2015 17:19

I believe that for much of our history a newborn girl had a shorter expectation of life than a newborn boy - but a woman past her childbearing years and survived them had a longer expectation of life than a man of the same age. Mediaeval nuns - who certainly should not have been mothers Smile - lived longer than mediaeval monks.

If you read Burke's you will see that among the best-off and best-cared for in the land men repeatedly married more than once, with the first and often the second wife dieing in childbirth or at any rate young, worn out by the process.

drudgetrudy · 31/01/2015 18:09

By the late 1940s when the system was set up (modified from 1911ish) women had a longer life expectancy than men.
In earlier times I agree that many died young because of the dangers of childbirth etc.

Dutch1e · 31/01/2015 19:54

Yes, we have a nearly 3 year old so I can't just go out and do my own thing unless we hired a babysitter

Why do you need a babysitter when there is another parent in the house? That's the logic your DP is using, and it makes sense. Make plans and go.

AriannaLUIS22 · 21/02/2015 14:03

This reply has been deleted

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MamaLazarou · 21/02/2015 14:09
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 21/02/2015 14:10

He's a cunt.

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