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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for advice on using child's DLA?

78 replies

kerrypn · 30/01/2015 22:08

DS receives HRC and LRM (ASD, new diagnosis), Im feeling really overwhelmed and whilst I am sure there are a million and one things I already spend the equivalent amount of money on (replacement clothes, shoes, laptop, taxi fares for appointments etc etc!) I feel weird about it, probably as he is nearly 9 and we have only just got diagnosis and dla, im really grateful for it and want to use it for DS-what do other parents use DLA for that improves life for their LO? Could I use a little bit to make Ds's siblings lives a bit better too (they miss out a lot as DS needs constant supervision) sorry if it sounds stupid, im just feeling overwhelmed with it all

OP posts:
NickiFury · 30/01/2015 22:11

Our DLA is just incorporated into the family budget. Ds is home educated though and does a fair few activities and classes. Far more than we actually get.

It's supposed to help alleviate the costs and lessen financial stress. You're ALL affected by your child's conditions, I would say it's fine to use it to benefit all members of your family.

lougle · 30/01/2015 22:13

You can use it in any way that benefits your DS, including general living.

Mamiof3 · 30/01/2015 22:14

LIVING allowance
Use it how you see fit
Don't feel guilty if he's entitled to it he needs it

Original poster
kerrypn · 30/01/2015 22:17

Thank you so much for replying! could I use it for days out for the family for example-it doesn't have to be for equipment and the like?

DS has sensory impairment too, if anyone has found anything that is really good to help with that id be grateful for the advice, I was thinking about a lava lamp type thing to help him settle but they get so hot and DS has no sense of danger whatsoever :/

OP posts:
JsOtherHalf · 30/01/2015 22:18

Do check to see if you are entitled to additional tax credits, housing benefit, etc now too.

Goldmandra · 30/01/2015 22:19

We use our DDs' to pay for private lessons which they need because they wouldn't cope in groups and the rest coupled with carer's allowance is what enables me not to work.

ToastBones · 30/01/2015 22:19

Yy to living expenses.

We tried a lava lamp for DS. Looks wonderful (fish in it) but it makes a horrendous noise Sad

ScathingContempt · 30/01/2015 22:22

You don't have to allocate it to anything specific.

Obviously if you didn't spend any more on him but just bought fags for yourself it would be a bit shit, but I'm sure you know that! It can be spent on all of you though. What kind of things would you have done with the money that you already spend on taxis, shoes etc? It seems to me you already take from the family budget to provide him with what he needs so you can just incorporate the dla back into the general budget.

ilovechristmas1 · 30/01/2015 22:23

i recently got pip enhanced for mental health

i was a little like you,i have had some work done on the house that really needed doing,thus easing my anxiety as it really used to irritate me,also bought some decent things instead of going for the cheapest

i do spend on my dc's with it but it really eases things with them

i see it as easing some of the pressure of my mental anxiety

im also starting yoga soon,i would of struggled to justify it before with bus fares and class cost

JsOtherHalf · 30/01/2015 22:23

Cerebra have a lending library of sensory toys, you keep them for a month, then return them by courier - all of which is free.

www.cerebra.org.uk/English/gethelp/library/Pages/default.aspx

Depending on your financial circumstances you could consider applying for grants for things like tough furniture:
www.toughfurniture.com

Original poster
kerrypn · 30/01/2015 22:24

oh no toastbones :/ we definitely have enough noise without additional too!! ive been trying desperately to get ds to go to a club but he really hates social situations full stop so everything is no (from him!) atm :/

OP posts:
JsOtherHalf · 30/01/2015 22:26

Has anyone mentioned the family fund to you yet?
www.familyfund.org.uk

Original poster
kerrypn · 30/01/2015 22:29

wow thanks so much JS they look fantastic!!! haha scathing, yes that would be shit! I was sat looking at his award and wondering what equipment I was meant to buy with it, I didn't realise it could be used for day to day living (I realise this sounds stupid given its name, but it says in bold on the letter about it being DS's, I was thinking I cant use for clothes and stuff cos id buy that anyway!) its reassuring im not the only one who was apprehensive ilovechristmas :)

thanks for all the lovely replies xx

OP posts:
ouryve · 30/01/2015 22:30

Replacing broken stuff. We get a lot of broken stuff.

DS2(8) is coat refusing. I've spent well over £100 since Christmas on various things to keep him warm. I thought sleeves might be a problem, so bought him a gilet. He wore it (yay!) then wore it again a second day (yay!) then has refused to let me near him since. So I've got hats and a big snuggly snood and a oad of thermal vests and I've found him a waterproof poncho, in case it pisses down, as we have a 15 minute walk to school, which isn't ideal in a cotton sweatshirt (he makes his nose bleed rubbing it on the sleeve of a jumper). I've also bought him a new set of the sweatshirts in a bigger size to keep his hands warmer. And a new pair of waterproof trousers....

So yes, it's extremely easy to rack up some big expenses on seemingly simple things.Inthe summer, I had to fork out for a load of elasticated trousers and a load of plain back joggers, smart enough for school because he wouldn't leave trousers with fastenings done up and his be-nappied arse was hanging out all the time.

And we spend a fortune on pull ups because the NHS only provide nappies, which is no good for teaching independence, even if there were more than 4 a day on offer. He also finds that the nappies make a very satisfying pop, resulting in fluff everywhere and a nappy that might as well just be a pair of pants for the amount of mess that it holds. He went through a phase of ripping those pull ups off after every single wee, so was getting through a pack of dry nites a day, at that point.

ilovechristmas1 · 30/01/2015 22:31

pleased that your son got an award,hopefully will make things a little easier for you all Smile

Idratherbetheboss · 30/01/2015 22:32

Definitely inform tax credits too and state he received HRC- will take a few weeks but they will back date extra cash to day DLA was awarded x

ToastBones · 30/01/2015 22:33

My husband has just told me that DD's lava lamp isn't noisy (she is fourteen and her room upsets me - I stay out of it Grin) so it might be worth a try.

Definitely do ring tax credits and tell them about the award. If you qualify for them at all the extra isn't means tested but a lot of people don't know about it so don't claim.

Look for local charities which run activities. I spend some of DS' money on a place where he gets 1-1 and can swim, trampoline or go to soft-play in a local school for children with additional needs. He isn't especially sociable but he enjoys it and it's a clam rather than "party" atmosphere which he hates.

ouryve · 30/01/2015 22:33

All the fascination of a lava lamp without the heat. My boys love ours
www.amazon.co.uk/Tobar-Liquid-Timer/dp/B002NZENH6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1422657178&sr=8-1&keywords=liquid+timer

lotsofcheese · 30/01/2015 22:34

I used it to pay for a cleaner, so it freed up more time to look after DS.

ashtrayheart · 30/01/2015 22:34

Ds is home educated as he can't cope with school but needs more help than the online gcse tutoring can give. Just been awarded Dla for him but got to apply for pip when he is 16 in one month's time Hmm we are going to pay for a maths tutor and get him a new bike, that sort of thing.

ToastBones · 30/01/2015 22:35

Calm!

It's a godsend during the holidays and some weekends.

JsOtherHalf · 30/01/2015 22:35

www.merlinsmagicwand.org might be worth looking at.
"We make this happen by arranging magical days out at Merlin Entertainments attractions, such as LEGOLAND Resort® theme parks, SEA LIFE Centres and Madame Tussauds."

Eva50 · 30/01/2015 22:36

We used ds1's so that I could reduce my hours at work as I was stressed out of my box it made it easier for appointments and dealing with school. We also used it for Holiday club for ds1 and ds2 two days a week in the summer holidays as the one that suited ds1 was more expensive and further away and we wanted them to be together.

Use it for anything that will make your life easier.

Original poster
kerrypn · 30/01/2015 22:38

thanks so much I will tell tax credits, I didn't realise I needed to! that's terrible about the nappies/pull ups, wouldn't you think the NHS would provide things that promote independence more??

I was thinking about 1-1 swimming, DS loves the water but has always struggled being in a group lesson (he is going with school next term, my goodness I AM NOT looking forward to the fall out from that!!!)
His real passion is football, he went to lessons once before but ran off with the ball and refused to share it :o could definitely try again though!

Thanks for being so nice!

OP posts:
SoonToBeSix · 30/01/2015 22:39

Ashtray you don't need to apply for pip as soon as your ds turns 16 unless his award runs out on that date. 16 year olds stay on dla until award ends or at the earliest October 2015 ( but could be much later if award still current) whichever comes first.