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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have let DC 4 and 6yr old watch...

20 replies

theendoftheendoftheend · 30/01/2015 22:07

The 'Take me to Church' music vid. Their DF thinks so a) due to men kissing b) due to other men apparently trying to burn their house down because of it. I think they're never to young to learn that a) people love who they love and b) other people object and think they can use violence to influence that, but they can't and do not have a right.

OP posts:

Glittermud · 30/01/2015 22:10

I think it's a decision that can only be made by knowing the kids. It might lead to interesting chats with the 6yr old but is likely to just confuse (and maybe scare) the 4 yr old who is likely to just register an incomprehensible act of violence.

Caronaim · 30/01/2015 22:12

I don't know it myself, but children this age don't need to see anyone kissing or anyone attacking anyone with arson,

sconequeen · 30/01/2015 22:19

I think myself that Cbeebies would be more appropriate.

Caronaim · 30/01/2015 22:20

I have just looked at it, yes YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU.

Why do you want your tiny children to have to consider homophobic violence?

Please tell me you turned it off in the middle, and they didn't see the part about the man being dragged out, cut, beaten and then at the end looked like he was being kicked to death.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 22:22

Too young to know two men can love eachother? no.

too young to know there are nasty people in this world who not only hate them.for it but would torch a house because of it? definitely

Caronaim · 30/01/2015 22:26

and threaten them with a knife! I agree with giles.

Also, they are too young to know that some people consider this type of video entertainment. they are not going to understand that, in the slightest.

MrsGoslingWannabe · 30/01/2015 22:26

Totally wrong. I am appalled.

Original poster

theendoftheendoftheend · 30/01/2015 22:30

Caronaim good god no we didn't see that part! Watched it on tv so it was edited.
What's wrong with people kissing? And at what age would you start teaching them about these things?

OP posts:

Caronaim · 30/01/2015 22:46

There is a difference between teaching them about these things and letting them watch two actors snogging one on top of the other.

How about teaching them about respect and privacy and behaviour that is not appropriate to be watching or indulging in in public. And how are they going to understand that these were just actors, who were just pretending for the camera!

Extremely disturbing for children of that age.

Original poster

theendoftheendoftheend · 30/01/2015 22:58

In the vid we saw it was just two men kissing, totally appropriate for 'indulging in' in public. Lots of people kiss in public, actors or not makes no difference.
Others being so angry about it they thought they had the right to be violent in their disapproval, not something we generally encounter. However, the vid we saw hinted at the concept nothing more. They asked. I explained.

OP posts:

Caronaim · 30/01/2015 23:06

I don't actually think two people lying one on top of each other and snogging is appropriate in public, nor to expain to a four and six year old child that they are only actors, and feel nothing for each other, but if you don't explain they are only actors, in the context of the rest of the video, the children are going to think they were badly hurt.

Did they see it by accident? Without you realising what it would show?

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2015 23:10

Is there a link to the edited version?

I couldn't say unless I'd seen it.

Deckmyballs · 30/01/2015 23:20

I haven't seen the edited version, as above my opinion is useless without it

Starlightbright1 · 30/01/2015 23:29

I can't say comment on what you have seen but the video I have just watched I would not want my 7 year old to see.

It a video showing homophobic violence.

Children do learn as they go through life they don't need exposing to that. My DS asked when he was 5 if 2 men could marry I said yes , he was very excited he could marry his best friend..

My point been that your children do not understand the world the way we do. The world can be harsh and I cannot for the life of me see any benefit to showing this

AuntieStella · 30/01/2015 23:32

Nothing wrong with positive representations of loving relationships being shown to small children.

Quite a lot wrong with depictions of violence and realistic threat.

Original poster

theendoftheendoftheend · 31/01/2015 08:52

Unfortunately I can't link things on my old and dodgy phone. It wasn't the full version you'd find on youtube, it was an edited version shown on tv before 9 in the evening.
I hadn't seen it before and didn't plan to show them, they were in bed but came down to see something on my phone I'd found for them. It came on in the background and we watched it together.

OP posts:

kawliga · 31/01/2015 18:28

OMG. People do kiss in public but that does not mean we should show our 4 and 6 years olds dvds of people kissing to 'teach them' that this is something people do when they love each other. WTAF?

Sexual PDAs are all around us for sure but it does not mean we need to show our dc dvds about it so we can 'teach them'. That's just fucked up. Regardless of whether the actors are gay or straight.

About homophobia, and other violent hatreds: no, I do not think you need to show your 4 and 6 year old dvds about this, WTAF? We don't need to teach them how nasty this world is, they will learn that soon enough. Teach them love, respect, etc, like a pp said. Good things. Is a 4 year old even old enough to process this kind of hatred that you are trying to 'teach'?

You cannot control what your dc see out there, but you can control what you choose to show them at home.

kawliga · 31/01/2015 18:36

I understand the risk of something just popping up online when you're trying to show the dc something else. Or sometimes it looks innocent at the beginning and before you know it things get steamy. I'm not afraid to switch off if that happens. My dd (age 7) knows that there's a lot of inappropriate content on the internet that we should not watch, so if this happened I would just calmly say 'I think this is inappropriate, we won't watch this'.

You have to teach them to self-censor on the internet, as one day they will be surfing for themselves and they need to know that they don't have to watch stuff just because it's there on the internet.

whothehellknows · 31/01/2015 21:07

OP, I'm glad I read through to see that it wasn't the full version, I was fully prepared to go nuts. Although I loved the song, I found the video upsetting enough to put me off listening to it.

My 5 year old wouldn't take it to heart, but if my 7 year old saw the edited version she'd be upset enough to have nightmares.

BloominNora · 31/01/2015 21:12

I am pretty liberal with what I let my 7 year old watch, and she loves that song but there is no way I'd let her watch that video. I've got no problem at all with the kissing but the violence in it is incredibly dusturbing, even in the edited version, the menace is still there. Just no!

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