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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Homophobic

26 replies

okeydonkey · 30/01/2015 21:59

My FIL was saying today that gay people were unnatural and that they should quietly get on with it. They shouldn't raise children.
AIBU to feel really awful about this? I sat there quietly. Do I let this slide if he brings it up again, or do I tell him he's awful and I hope he doesn't teach my DC this when they are old enough to understand

OP posts:
Merguez · 30/01/2015 22:00

If it was me I would challenge it immediately.

I certainly wouldn't tolerate talk like that in front of my dc.

Hassled · 30/01/2015 22:01

You don't have to tell him he's awful - you could tell him that you disagree with him and that laws and attitudes have changed.

How old is he?

MrsDeVere · 30/01/2015 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Treaclepot · 30/01/2015 22:01

My FIL is a bigoted twat too. I just tell him we have to agree to disagree, or ignore him as often he is after a rise. I then use it as a good excuse to tell the kids how stupid some people's opinions are and why.

Interestingly his favourite grandchild has come out and he is slowly but surely changing his tune.

MaidOfStars · 30/01/2015 22:02

Challenge immediately. Familial relation matters not.

betweenmarchandmay · 30/01/2015 22:03

I always find myself torn on subjects like this, as I do think freedom of thought and speech means that sometimes people will disagree with you over things you don't find palatable.

Many people do believe it is 'wrong' or unnatural to be homosexual and many people do therefore believe it is 'wrong' for children to be brought up in a life that is unnatural.

I don't think you should tell him hes awful; I think saying you don't agree is fine.

Original poster
okeydonkey · 30/01/2015 22:04

He's 71.
He said only male female relationship should bring up children.he's really controlling of his wife. I just hope it won't be rubbed off on my DCs. Ones 2 yo, I'm due DC2.
He's very sexist too, patronising! Shocked to the core when I said DP did most of the cooking!

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 30/01/2015 22:05

Oh yes, you don't say 'You're a cock', you say 'That is a very cockish opinion'. Behaviour, not people.

MaidOfStars · 30/01/2015 22:06

There are social science studies that show children brought up by same sex parents have a higher IQ and emotional IQ.

Original poster
okeydonkey · 30/01/2015 22:08

Yes you are right I will challenge but say I don't agree and will be bringing up DCs to learn that it doesn't matter.
I can not stand the "it's generational" it's ignorance!

They live in a small village and are having a film night, watching Pride. This is how topic came up. Will see him tomorrow and he will tell me about the film, he'll be squirming in his seat (as will the rest of the small village)

OP posts:
betweenmarchandmay · 30/01/2015 22:08

Incidentally, my dad was like this. He'd be 70 next month if he'd lived :)

He was visibly uncomfortable about the concept of homosexuality until an old childhood friend of mine came out. I think in the abstract he found it odd: when a 'gay person' wasn't 'gay' but 'George' he was fine.

'George' sadly passed away and my dad went to the funeral surrounded by young gay men and said as we drove away. 'I suppose some people are gay. And what?' He got the quotation slightly wrong but you know, I was proud of him Grin He just needed time.

Merguez · 30/01/2015 22:09

Well I don't think it is a matter of opinion. He is wrong, plain and simple.

But to maintain harmonious family relationships, maybe you should play it safe with the 'I don't agree with you' line. What would you do if he was talking like that about race, or religion?

Maybe get him to read 'Maggie and Me' a very inspiring book.

Original poster
okeydonkey · 30/01/2015 22:10

Maid of stars, great I may use that statistic with him too.

I find people like this so odd. I learnt/knew at a young age and didn't flinch or care whether a man was with man etc. But 71 year old man can't get his head round it?! Lol

OP posts:
MillieH30 · 30/01/2015 22:11

How old is he? To put it in context homosexuality was illegal until 1967, so his views may reflect the age in which he grew up.

No need to tell him he's awful. Why not have a polite grown up conversation and try to re-educate him, or ask him not to discuss in front of your DC.

Original poster
okeydonkey · 30/01/2015 22:14
OP posts:
AmantesSuntAmentes · 30/01/2015 22:18

I can not stand the "it's generational" it's ignorance!

I agree, okeydonkey. My dgps were older - but wiser! They had no issue with homosexuality, whatsoever. Lovely, lovely, intelligent people.

Original poster
okeydonkey · 30/01/2015 22:22

Yeah my mum isn't much younger than him and doesn't give two hoots if anyone is in love/shagging/co habit ing/flirting with tom/dick or harriet.

I think I will politely state my opinion and if this comes up again when DC are older I will suggest he keeps this opinion to himself.
I'm going to bring it up with DP too

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/01/2015 22:25

My mother's 95.
One thing she has never ever been is homophobic.

CaptainHolt · 30/01/2015 22:26

Homosexuality is natural, it occurs in nature. He is entitled to his own opinion but he isn't entitled to his own facts.

My Mum is the same age and reads the Daily Mail but manages not to be homophobic.

MrsGoslingWannabe · 30/01/2015 22:38

Its not generational. There are people of all ages who disagree with it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/01/2015 22:43

My folks are a little like this. daily mail readers what can I say.

They think it's all years of "experience"

they have been told in no uncertain terms to keep their opinions of people to themselves around the kids.

KarmaViolet · 30/01/2015 23:09

My gran's 94 and she's fine with it. It's not a generational thing, you're entirely right to say it's a being awful thing, but for some reason you're meant to tiptoe round people who say that I'm not a fit parent.

If you would like data for your FIL then there is a round up here of seven academic studies spanning 1998 - 2013 all of which conclude that same sex parents do just fine.

journalistsresource.org/studies/society/gender-society/same-sex-marriage-children-well-being-research-roundup#

Sometimes awful people the poor petals forming the generationally prejudiced community find actual research is easily ignored though. Wink

Original poster
okeydonkey · 30/01/2015 23:15

Thank you Karma voilet I will look at that and use it

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 30/01/2015 23:54

I liked your story, betweenmarchandmay

ThatBloodyWoman · 30/01/2015 23:58

Its better to discuss it than tell him off or leave imo.