Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Play dates. How do I do this? Please come and give me some help.

18 replies

LegoCarpet · 30/01/2015 16:59

My DS is in Reception. I have 3 under 5, all boys. All strong characters. They are lovely boys, not naughty, but they do have character. Big ideas, need lots of interaction, lots of chatter etc. In other words, when I'm with all 3 of them I can manage them but not much else at the same time!

My Reception DS has started playing with a little boy at school who seems to lead him into trouble. Maybe the lead each other into trouble, I don't know. But I do want to widen DS's friendship group so he doesn't always gravitate to the little boy that he ends up in trouble with.

Question is, how do I manage this? I would rather do earlier in the week when I have an ounce of energy, other parents seem to want Fridays but I'm completely shattered by Friday. If we have someone over, how do I manage the baby (2 months and needs quiet to sleep), and my 2 year old who will want to join in with the big boys and will protest if he can't? It's difficult to put space between them because we live in a flat. Also slight worry is that we live in quite an affluent suburb and I feel a little bit as though people are reluctant to come for a play because we live in a small flat. Not much space for them to play etc. A lot of other families at school are in big houses.

So how can I do this? I really need some sound advice and ideas on how to manage this please.

OP posts:

Original poster

LegoCarpet · 30/01/2015 17:18

Bump! Someone out there must have done play dates with 3 under 5...

OP posts:

mrspuddleduckie · 30/01/2015 17:27

I would invite a child over with their Mum or Dad on a Saturday morning/lunchtime. I think they're better behaved on a Saturday than when they're tired out from school.
Invite them over 11-1 so everyone knows when it's due to end... and you can serve a kids' lunch at 1230 which should keep them sat sit and quiet for at least 30 mins? No need for anything formal - even something like a carpet picnic - finger sandwiches, crisps and fruit.
Drawing is something the two year old can join in with, and duple/lego is something the older ones can occupy themselves with whilst you entertain your 2YO/feed baby.
There's no need to worry about space if you're just having one extra child over... plenty of activities (drawing, lego, a game, marble run, puzzles etc) don't take much space at all.

ILovePud · 30/01/2015 17:36

For initial play dates at reception age least I'd be looking at inviting a parent with them too. I think it's inevitable that your toddler will want to join in and I wouldn't stress about trying to stop him for the whole time, let them all play together for a bit and let your eldest have some time playing in his bedroom with his friend. There was a similar thread today about people cold shouldering OP when they found out she lived in a flat and I'd agree with all the posters on that thread who said don't waste your time on people too snobby and small minded to worry about where you live. Also I found meeting up at play barns good at this age and less tiring for me.

Bettybodybooboo · 30/01/2015 17:46

Jesus you don't want other people's kids snd their parents around on a sat morning!

Op this is precisely why parks are fantastic in summer with a picnic and soft play with tea in the winter.

Take them straight from school, play, tea out and drop kid home on the way back.

Ps. It you are British you are very unreasonably to say play date!

Original poster

LegoCarpet · 30/01/2015 17:49

I hate the term play date actually. What do you call it instead? Just a play after school I suppose!

If it was Summer time we wouldn't have this issue, there are great parks nearby.

I also dread the cleaning up afterwards ... and I worry about people judging what a small space we live in as a family of 5. 2 bedrooms, the 2 and 4 year old share and the baby is in with us.

OP posts:

Original poster

LegoCarpet · 30/01/2015 17:51

I realise I just need to get over it, and also get up some energy from somewhere to host a play date in the first place. So tired at the moment. But I keep seeing all the other kids going off on plays after school at each other's houses, and feel increasing guilty at not making more of an effort ourselves.

We haven't been invited by anyone else though. I wonder if that's because I have younger ones and a new baby. Or they just think my DS is trouble ...

OP posts:

littlejohnnydory · 30/01/2015 17:54

Mine are 7, 5, 2 and 9 weeks. I've done a handful of play dates since baby arrived. I find it harder work if the parents come tbh as I have to entertain and make conversation with someone I don't know! I tend to make the children's tea in the afternoon so that when I pick them up from school with their friend I'm a bit more free and it only needs to go in the oven. My two year old does join in with her big sister's friends (the reception age one). I tend to put craft stuff on the table and then just let them play with toys. Don't know about your house but our baby is pretty used to sleeping through noise. I mainly carry her in a sling anyway and that's definitely what I'd do during a play date. One more just adds to the chaos a bit. What i find hard is that it changes the dynamic between my four to add a friend but i limit it to a couple of hours. Reception parents seem to vary in whether they want to stay but the norm here seems to be for just the child to come!

littlejohnnydory · 30/01/2015 17:56

I also hate tidying up beforehand and watching it get trashed!! I don't drive so going to soft play etc isn't really an option but it's a great idea!

sunnydayinmay · 30/01/2015 17:58

We very rarely did playdates, particularly ds2 because he simply didn't have the stamina. I could guarantee that he'd be sobbing after an hour.

Clubs are your friend. I know that Reception is very little, but once they reach Year 1, encourage him to do sport after school. If the school have an infant multi sports club, they are fantastic.

Original poster

LegoCarpet · 30/01/2015 18:01

Wow Johnny dory. That is impressive with 4.

We have started a club. Will plan to go to another one too, I don't want DS to be the only one not establishing friendships outside of the classroom and want him to have that practise socially.

OP posts:

Original poster

LegoCarpet · 30/01/2015 18:03

I do worry that it will all go to the dogs, it's entirely possible that all 3 of my boys could start crying or playing up at the same time. I get so embarrassed when the kids play up in front of other parents. Dn't know why. I know all kids do it. I just feel it really reflects on me as not having control of my kids!

OP posts:

idiuntno57 · 30/01/2015 18:11

I had x4 under 5. All boys. It was always chaos and when we did have friends over I just let them get on with it. The friends seemed to be happy to have arrived in an instant party and it was only just a little bit more chaos than normal. Also we had quite a rigid routine: walk home from school, playing, tea, tv then home with the tea and tv taking about an hour.

I suggest you sit back and let it wash over you a bit.

Good Luck

Tanaqui · 30/01/2015 18:13

Practice how to behave beforehand and promise something nice if they achieve it! Do you have a soft play near- could you take then there while it isn't so nice for the park?

girlsyearapart · 30/01/2015 18:19

Hi another with 4 though 3 are girls.
It can actually be easier when they have a friend over they entertain each other.
Find out what the other child likes for tea make it in advance & get the parent to collect at 530 making it clear that the baby has a bedtime routine so the other parent doesn't come in?

Esmum07 · 30/01/2015 18:25

Why not wait until half term, it's only a few weeks away? One of us mums for our Year 3 kids usually has a 'keep us sane day' during the week long half terms and a couple of us do the same during the longer holidays. We've always tended to do it right since nursery. That way you can dictate the day and parents don't mind as it's at least one less day to keep the little angels entertained...

All of us tend to do the same thing, put out some (virtually) indestructible toys like lego, big cars, train tracks, dinosaurs, some old cartons if they want to play shop or build 'em up and knock 'em down type games. Don't put out DCs favourite toys - one is bound to get broken as I found out by experience and there'll be tears. I hide the good stuff!

Then we will either do a lunch or some cake/biscuits to calm them down. If it's cake and biccies we allow a half hour or so of TV just to get them all sitting down for a bit. Otherwise, it's play and perhaps some music so they can dance about a bit. I don't get too prescriptive though - the kids can entertain themselves as long as you have some ground rules (like no playing in the bedrooms or no throwing stuff - whatever your family rule is basically)

And we always make it just for two hours. It's enough for the mums and dads to have a cuppa and a bit of a chat, the kids to work off some energy and still leave time to tidy up. I tend to prefer doing from 2pm for a couple of hours, there are bound to be stragglers but everyone is gone by 5pm so they can feed the kids. I've found, earlier in the day, that some parents will stay on and it's hard to say "bugger off now please"!

One thing I don't do is craft stuff. I had enough problems tidying up after my DS when he was little. The thought of pens, glue and paint handled by kids I have less control over gave me the jitters. Now DS is seven I sometimes put out coloured pencils and some paper so those who want to can colour quietly - but keep an eye on them. Nice painted walls and pencils do not mix and you'd be surprised how that lovely quiet kid at school turns into a monster when he or she is off the leash!

If parents do decide to leave their DC with you for the couple of hours make sure you get a contact number and anything you should know like what they are allowed to eat.

TheRealMaryMillington · 30/01/2015 18:27

Invite them over for tea and cake with a parent one weekend. Send your OH out with the 2 year old for at least half of it.

fadingfast · 30/01/2015 18:33

If I were you I wouldn't stress too much about it just yet. I think after a day of school it can be too much for reception age children. In my experience, after school playing with friends didn't really start until year 1 (and not very often). I would wait until the weather's better and do the park thing instead. Do you get many party invites? That's another good opportunity for out of school socialising.

Bettybodybooboo · 30/01/2015 18:44

lego was joking about play date.

I think you are being far too hard on yourself and agree with fadingfast they are knackered after a day in reception.

I expect lots of these children seemingly going to other people's houses are really working parents sharing child care who have no choice. They probably hate it too.

Relax. Am sure your lads are lovely.
My lads were just as full on and remember with horror various house parties.

Agree with Meeting up at half term.

Don't worry they are still very young and friendships at this age are very transitory and surface.

Be kind to yourself.

Flip