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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I might be experiencing a bridezilla?

50 replies

tateandviolet · 30/01/2015 12:44

So I got an email last week about the hen do and was asked to confirm by February 14th.

No problem.

I've just got a text from the bride saying shes not heard back from me yet.

As far as I know nothing has changed, the venue are not demanding numbers sooner.

Aibu to think you shouldn't be demanding people rsvp if they still have two weeks until the deadline?

I feel like this is just the start.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 30/01/2015 13:23

Surely she's a friend and your other friends are going?

It's a bit odd that you haven't at least aknowledged receiving the details of the Hen do and quite rude/miserable, as well.

I enjoy events, days/nights out with people I like, so don't understand the general attitude across MN to these types of invites.

You should of replied instead of posting on MN, especially if you don't get to speak to your friends in a week because you're too busy.

DeanKoontz · 30/01/2015 13:30

guestzilla

colafrosties · 30/01/2015 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 30/01/2015 13:47

YANBU, I suspect a few have already said no due to the cost so she wants to start inviting from the B list.

Just say no, expensive hen do's should be funds by the bride if she wants them as part of the wedding cost.

MummyBeerest · 30/01/2015 13:53

Are you in the wedding party?

If not, yeah, I'd find the asking weird given the deadline.

bloodygorgeous · 30/01/2015 13:54

I think you're being a bit passive aggressive. Ok yes you had a later deadline, but for whatever reason she is checking a bit earlier. Just tell her.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/01/2015 14:00

Are you sure her text was "demanding"? Tone is really hard to get from texts. She may have a few refusals and so is trying to see if the plan is all about to fall apart so she can decide whether change it or something. She might be being a bridezilla, or she might just be a bti excited or a bit anxious. It would be hard to know from one incident.

nauticant · 30/01/2015 14:02

YABU to declare Only on MN ... about a nano-variation in etiquette from what you would prefer.

jackstini · 30/01/2015 14:04

She's just enquiring!
Maybe she hasn't has many back yet and is worrying.

Just send a text back saying "Hi, still working out if I can afford it - promise I will let you know by the deadline x"

There, done.

rednailsredheart · 30/01/2015 14:05

I don't think it's a definite sign. Even if you give a deadline, you might expect a few people to respond earlier. When you're the one arranging things, especially if it's something you're excited about, even if you logically KNOW there are still a few weeks to respond, you want to know NOOOOWWWW!

Unless her e-mail had a really pissy tone, then she is probably just excited.

engeika · 30/01/2015 14:11

I am finding this very hard to believe.
Anyone normal would just ring her up. She is your friend and your other friends are going...??

Original poster

tateandviolet · 30/01/2015 14:12

Are you in the wedding party?

If not, yeah, I'd find the asking weird given the deadline.

No I'm not in the wedding party.

OP posts:

cocolacocotte · 30/01/2015 14:15

This would annoy me but then I'm easily annoyed by the invasiveness of modern communications. I have a friend who will send me a text message, usually something inane and not necessarily requiring a reply, and follow it up with a second one if I haven't replied within an hour. If I don't reply to that text message, I get a phone call "just making sure everything is ok."

FFS I'm at work/in a meeting/out shopping/shagging DH/reading a book I don't have time to reply to your message telling me what shade of blue the sky is in your new town right this instant.

Aaaaaand breathe!

To get back to your situation OP, I say that YANBU and if it were me I would wait until tomorrow to reply something along the lines of "not sure yet, still working out the details, will definitely let you know by the 14th." Set some boundaries, otherwise I suspect that she will just get worse...

itosh · 30/01/2015 23:59

Too many brides get accused of being bridezillas! As others have pointed out you may be the only one yet to respond, she is probably just excited and wanting to get things done and I'm sure you can keep her up to date with your plans to attend or not

borisgudanov · 31/01/2015 02:58

"Two weeks in advance isn't late.
Why did you give us a date
By which RSVP,
Then harangue and chase me?
It's just piss poor etiquette, mate,"

GokTwo · 31/01/2015 03:04

Yanbu, I'd do what Jackstini suggests.

claraschu · 31/01/2015 03:05

Very fine, Boris, and I like your name!

Northernparent68 · 31/01/2015 07:40

Maybe she really wants you to go and is checking/ hoping you can make it

FoulsomeAndMaggotwise · 31/01/2015 13:09

I'm organising a hen do and it's a bloody nightmare. Plus she has the wedding itself to organise. Cut her some slack and reply ASAP, like others have said I bet you're the last to reply and she sees no point in waiting if she doesn't have to. You have to think about just how many people she's trying to co-ordinate - it can be very testing.

heartisaspade · 31/01/2015 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hippee · 03/02/2015 22:03

Just say no - you either don't know her very well or don't like her very much, so it would be better if you didn't go and spoil her hen-do. If she was a close friend you wouldn't be trying to second guess her.

Witcheswerehorses · 03/02/2015 22:59

Maybe deadline should have said 4th not 14th? Could have been a typo?

Momagain1 · 03/02/2015 23:55

I am assuming the bride, for previous events not even related to this wedding, has experienced that people are crap at RSVPs and it is well worth her while to check in personally. By texting or phoning the guests, she is hoping to up the response rate.

cerealqueen · 04/02/2015 00:04

A: nobody has replied at all and she's paranoid
B: she's getting excited and thinking about who she really wants to be there and you are on the list, so just checking you are coming.

Be generous and hope it is B.

FreeWee · 04/02/2015 08:34

Don't give a deadline then chase 2 weeks before. 2 days before maybe but not 2 weeks before. Either a deadline is a deadline or it isn't. YANBU.

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