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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just want these people to shut up and get over it?

41 replies

YouKnowNothingRickGrimes · 30/01/2015 12:26

Ok bit extreme but gahhh. I am 25 years old and have a 4 year old and 11 month old. Happily married to my husband who is also 25 for 3 years. I started a new job in November which is a predominantly female environment and there is a mix of ages from 18 to almost 70. Obviously when you're a newbie everyone asks about you and I have been more than happy to follow and tell them about my husband and children and each time they have been amazed and astonished that my life is like this and I am not single and partying without a care in the world as they had assumed. Fast forward to now and these women STILL inform me of how mad it is that I have a husband and children if I ever decide to input into a conversation with my experiences. Seriously EVERY time. And EVERY person. Am I living in some dream land where I am honestly the only person in this situation or are these women just stupid?

OP posts:

lightgreenglass · 30/01/2015 15:22

I get this all the time, have just turned 26. I'm pregnant with my 2nd and I have people at my new workplace congratulating me on my first. Also the pity looks. I wouldn't want to be dating and out late at night - even pre children I was in bed by 10 with my Horlicks. I think it's rude how people judge.

Thumbwitch · 30/01/2015 15:29

People judge whichever way you choose to have a family - I am one of the societal freaks who had my children in my 40s, because it took that time to find someone worth having them with!
Luckily I live in an area where I'm not that unusual, but equally it's not that unusual for people to be married and have children in their early 20s - our playgroup has mums in it whom I could biologically have given birth to myself - but we all get on fine!

You should see some of the threads on here though about how awful I am to have had my children so late... (not me personally, anyone who waits so long to have their children!)

NoRoomForALittleOne · 30/01/2015 15:35

Just wait a few years - it continues. I got married at 21 and had DC1 at 24. I'm about to turn 32 and am expecting DC5. I don't look as old as I am so EVERYONE has an opinion.

iamEarthymama · 30/01/2015 15:36

Why can't people just enjoy the diversity of choices people make?
I had 2 children by 24, that was commonplace in the 80s
Do I care about other people's decisions? Well, yes, I do if I love them but I don't feel as though I have the right to share my opinions.

Not that I would judge them, their lives to live.
Just say, oh I have always been a rebel, we are looking forward to what ever life brings!

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 30/01/2015 15:38

Don't worry, OP, it will probably go on for some time yet! I used to get asked if I was the Nanny when we moved to this town as there just weren't any other parents as young as us. DH is 10 years younger than the youngest of DC1's friends Dad's.

On the upside, all his friends think we're really cool...and we're so not!!

Sallyingforth · 30/01/2015 15:38

OP its sounds like you have a very happy life with your husband and children. Good for you!

I suspect there is more than an element of jealousy in some of those comments.

Flissypix · 30/01/2015 15:52

I had my 1st DD at 21 and got married at 22. I then had my 2nd DD at 25. People commented on how young I was ALL the time and the majority of parents at my dd's school are 10yrs older than me it drove me crazy. I felt ready at that age to settle down etc.
However I am now nearly 30 and at uni with 21 year olds and my youngest brother is 21 in a few weeks and the thought of any of them settling down getting married or having children now seems ludicrous. So I can now appreciate why people questioned me at the time, if their experience of 21 year olds is the same as mine. Obviously some people in their early 20's are ready to settle down but a lot are still running up and down hallways,giggling when they see lecturers outside of uni and generally behaving like children. None of them have ever paid a bill or made a meal (non campus uni with the majority living at home.)

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 30/01/2015 18:07

Yanbu

25 is not that young at all to be settled and with children, I don't know anyone that would think twice about it let alone comment on it

saltedcaramelicious · 30/01/2015 18:17

I had my ds at 18, so have put up with this for over ten years now, my office has new people visiting/joining all the time so I am always getting the "omg you have a TEN year old?! you must have been REALLY young!" I also am told I look young for my age anyway so it makes it even worse. I've got so used to it now and just laugh it off.

Original poster

YouKnowNothingRickGrimes · 30/01/2015 20:32

Thanks everyone it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling frustrated by comments. To be honest I usually just smile and say "yeah I guess so" or something similar but am starting to feel like a broken record. They're all lovely ladies so I couldn't be rude. I've never really seen it as an issue before, had my eldest at 21 which never seemed that young to me although I was the only person in my friend group with a child for few years and am still the only one who is married but now I have my second, they are starting to get engaged and have babies themselves.

OP posts:

AndreaZuckerman · 30/01/2015 20:36

YANBU. At 25 I had been married for 4 years, had a 3 month old and was (then) 11 year old DSD's primary carer. I used to get some looks when I took her to school.

ILiveOnABuildsite · 30/01/2015 21:00

I used to get that all the time, still do sometimges although not as often. I'm 27, one child and expecting another, been married for 7 years. When I mention my wedding anniversary I always get lots of astonished comments that I was married at 20. Yes I know it's young but we are happy and very much settled.

crazykat · 30/01/2015 21:08

It's very annoying after a while. I get it all the time, at 24 I'd been married for two years and had four dcs. I also used to get asked if my dcs all had the same dad, if they saw their dad and even if I knew who the fathers are . I got shocked faces a few times when I replied they all have the same dad and we're happily married, usually followed by the patronising "when they've grown up you'll be young enough to have a career and life".

I do live in an area with its share of teen mums and single parents but still I found it very rude and annoying to be asked these questions.

NiceBitOfCheese · 30/01/2015 21:14

Their attitude is their problem, not yours. If you really feel you want to get involved, ask them to explain their comments. You don't have to justify yourself to them however. A useful neutral response is "It's interesting you should say that" (as learnt on MN!).

Trooperslane · 30/01/2015 21:28

Every day I wish me and dh has sorted ourselves out younger.

Smile sweetly and know you did what was right for your family

And dance round your living room shouting FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OOOOODFFFFFF!

Tobyjugg · 30/01/2015 21:45

DW and I were in the same position as you. From looking at our friends who had kids later we both agree that it's better to have kids young when you've the energy to deal with them, plus when they're off to uni or whatever, you're in your 40s early 50s and young enough to enjoy the freedom.

What you are doing was once the norm and if it isn't any longer doesn't mean it's wrong.

Enjoy yourself!

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