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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have expected an apology? or at least some acknowledgement?

43 replies

UltraViolence · 29/01/2015 16:16

Maybe I'm being silly, I think I probably am.

Basically I got a text from a friend asking why I had not got back to the bridesmaid about the hen do. It wasn't a nasty text, more of a friendly reminder.

I was a little Confused because I'd never been told about the hen do aside from a brief conversation with the bride of "I'd like for us to go out for a meal and cocktails etc most likely on this weekend"

I'd never got a text/email or even FB message saying exactly what the plan was or dates or costs or who I needed to tell that I could attend.

I obviously told the bride this and she said that a group text had gone out by her bridesmaid, and that the bridesmaid said she had definitely sent it to me but she would get her to send it again.

No problem with this as the bride had just assumed that I had received it.

The bridesmaid who is actually a mutual friend (and we used to be very close friends up until a couple of months ago) then sends me the text.

No apology or anything for not sending it to me in the first place.

I don't mean apology as in grovel and beg my forgiveness. I mean just a -

"Hi, really sorry that you didn't receive this text the first time round, not sure what happened there"

But there was just no acknowledgement at all.

(There is a small part of me that does believe she might have left me off on purpose but obviously I can't say or prove that but I believe this might be clouding my judgement)

Would you expect an apology or at least acknowledgement?

OP posts:
Welliesandpyjamas · 29/01/2015 16:18

Maybe she just found the original message and forwarded it to you? Because that's what she had time to do?

LadyLuck10 · 29/01/2015 16:20

You said it was a friendly reminder so what's the big issueConfused. She might have just forgotten and sent it when informed you needed it again. Why didn't you ask her this directly rather than get the bride involved? Not seeing anything wrong here.

MrsCurly · 29/01/2015 16:21

You are completely overthinking this.

Pumpkinpositive · 29/01/2015 16:21

Did you two fall out a couple of months ago?

TheComfortOfStrangers · 29/01/2015 16:21

I'd have expected an accompanying "oops, sorry", but wouldn't worry too much that it wasn't there.
Presumably that BM said to bride you hadn't replied, in which case she (BM) must have thought she'd sent it, surely?
Perhaps quick resend of original was all she had time to do.

TheWitTank · 29/01/2015 16:22

You are over thinking it. She just found the original text and resent. I would have done the same.

magpieginglebells · 29/01/2015 16:22

It's no big deal, you didn't get the text, she sent the text then you got the text!

Original poster
UltraViolence · 29/01/2015 16:22

Getting the bride involved?

Because she was the one who was asking why I had not got back to the bridesmaid about the hen do.

She was the one who asked me so she was the one I told that the reason I had not got back to her was because I had not had an invite.

OP posts:
LurkingHusband · 29/01/2015 16:22

Texts aren't emails - it's harder to "forward" or "reply" when you resend one.

Tyzer85 · 29/01/2015 16:22

I can't see what the problem is myself.

Summerisle1 · 29/01/2015 16:24

I really wouldn't make too much of this. Texts can go mysteriously missing and after all, it is all sorted now. It wouldn't occur to me to send an apology in these circumstances or expect one.

Original poster
UltraViolence · 29/01/2015 16:24

I'd have expected an accompanying "oops, sorry", but wouldn't worry too much that it wasn't there.

Yes that's what I thought she'd say.

Well it's what I would say anyway.

I agree I might be overthinking it but we aren't close friends anymore and I just find it hard to believe that I would not have a received the original text.

OP posts:
wobblyweebles · 29/01/2015 16:24

"Hi, really sorry that you didn't receive this text the first time round, not sure what happened there"

Which bit of 'really sorry' was not an apology?

Original poster
UltraViolence · 29/01/2015 16:26

What wobbly ?

That's what I thought she might have said or similar.

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 29/01/2015 16:26

Really Lurking? On my phone it is really simple. Find the message, select, forward, enter recipient, send. Takes about 10 seconds. I wouldn't bother writing out a whole new message with sorry etc.

ShatnersBassoon · 29/01/2015 16:27

What's she supposed to apologise for, exactly?

TheComfortOfStrangers · 29/01/2015 16:27

wobbly the OP didn't receive that "really sorry...", she gave it as an example of what she may have expected.

ohbollocks2u · 29/01/2015 16:28

I'm with you OP I would have edited the text , it only takes a moment

I think the clue is in ' we used to be close '

Original poster
UltraViolence · 29/01/2015 16:29

What's she supposed to apologise for, exactly?

If I organising a party for someone and then moaning that some people were not replying and getting other people involved to chase them up over it.

Then I found out I'd never sent the text in the first place, I'd apologise.

But guess that's just me.

OP posts:
livsmommy · 29/01/2015 16:30

Did you fall out a couple of months ago? As you used to be close and seems you aren't anymore, id be inclined to think she did it on purpose, and didn't acknowledge when she actually DID sent it cause she was pissed off she was caught out.

pictish · 29/01/2015 16:30

Yabu. All being normal, the bridesmaid would have thought it a simple oversight which was easily rectified by resending the info.

Original poster
UltraViolence · 29/01/2015 16:30

I wouldn't bother writing out a whole new message with sorry etc.

No wasn't asking her too.

But you can send the original text and either a text before or after saying -

Sorry you didn't get the first text etc.

OP posts:
LurkingHusband · 29/01/2015 16:31

Didn't explain myself clearly ... I meant that unlike email, when you forward a text, it's just that. The text. No nice markers that it's been forwarded or is a reply (no original message).

That, and the fact you are limited in length (although clever phones can stitch a series of short messages into long ones) means that it's far easier just to resend a text, than start trying to add extra text.

Which is how I would read the lack of acknowledgement/apology.

Texts are not 100% reliable anyway.

TwinkieTwinkle · 29/01/2015 16:32

This seems so ridiculously petty on your part OP.

pictish · 29/01/2015 16:32

You can, but it's ok if you don't imo.

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