posting for traffic. domestic abuse

[rocketnot]

Do the long term effects ever go away? I feel really unable to cope right now. Not all the time but sometimes really urgently unable to cope.
I got out of the relationship a couple of years ago, have done the freedom programme and am in a loving and respectful relationship with my fiance who is the most caring person in the world.
But he's due home from work and I'm crying and shaking and feeling awful thoughts because I've not finished the washing and ironing or cleaned the bathroom and I know I would have been beaten for that before.
It's irrational because I know he loves me and would never hurt me or be bothered but I can't shake how worthless I feel and that nothing I do will ever be enough to feel like I want to live.
I really need to know this gets better.

I haven't experienced anything as extreme as you I think, but abuse still, and I didn't want to not reply. It took me a long time to learn to trust again, but yes, I do believe it does get better. It takes time and understanding from your new DP (my DH has been so fantastic and understanding). Have you ever considered going for some counselling to help you work through it?

Can I suggest that you move this to Relationships? AIBU is kind of brutal and lots of the women in Relationships have experienced what you describe.

To be fully honest I would say it gets better but doesn't go away. My trigger was if I left the washing up on the side overnight. If I did this with my ex, well he'd throw me out of the house in the rain and slam the door on me. So even now I struggle to 'allow' myself to leave it and always explain to DH why I'm not doing it as if I'm excusing myself.

Counselling might help you to reduce the associations between actions and previous consequences?

have you done therapy? if not, you need to.

if you have, you need to go back.

it won't get better until you do something to MAKE it get better. Go BACK and do the FP again.

Have a look also into EMDR treatment, it may be that you are traumatised.

Take back your life, it will be ok.

How do I get it moved?

"Aibu is kind of brutal"

It can get a bit lairy at times but I refuse to believe that anyone would be brutal in response to the OPs cry for help.

OP- I can't offer any advice other than therapy - I've not been in your situation but I think it would help you to work through your feelings.