To think we're just doing the best we can (sleep related)

[YeahDamon]

DS2 is 3 and has always been a terrible sleeper. He doesn't settle until at least 9pm, often later, and bounces out of bed at 7am.

For a few months we thought we'd cracked it with bedtime, he was settling in his own bed with a story, but gradually this has become a longer and longer process and we were losing our entire evening to bedtime.

So for about a week I have flung my hands in the air and given up, and he now stays downstairs with us until he falls asleep and then we put him in bed. He'll then wake up in the early hours and climb in with us, which is fine.

But OH MY GOD the sneers and 'advice' I've had from well meaning family and friends has been awful this week.

'Why don't you just try....?' well, yes, thanks, but we have.

'you really need to get him to settle on his own' well, duh.

'YOu've made a rod for your own back with cosleeping'

'He'll never learn unless you are firmer with him, you're doing him no favours'.

Frankly, we both work FT and need sleep. We are just doing what works. This is the least shit choice out of a bunch of shit options.

How do you deal with advice, other than just lie when people ask how he slept? And why do people care so much?

Just lie.

Do whatever works and just lie.

Say 'oh that's a good idea I'll try that' whenever advice is offered. And then carry on as you are

How is it coming up in conversation? If you deflect it at the start then you avoid the advice.

I've started just saying "he sleeps fine". End of conversation. It's not something that I'm willing to discuss with anyone. You're doing what maximises sleep for your family. He won't still be in your bed at the age of 18, so I wouldn't worry.

Yup, lie.

'The most sleep for the most people' has always been our mantra here.

We did all the 'rod for your back' things with newborn and toddler twins, and guess what? They now sleep through the night all night in their own beds and have done since they were about 3 1/2.

6mo DS is still in with us and will be until he's 4 or 5 if I have my way

Totally lie, big fat ones! It's no ones business but your own. If they ask you can say he sleeps amazingly well.

You do what works for you as a family. On the plus side you don't always have to be rushing home for bedtime and can have dinner at a sensible time together as a family.

No real advice but wanted to post that a dear friend of mine said it wasnt normal for my 10 month old to still wake for a bottle at night, i just said he will sleep through in his own time until then we will carry on plus try to feed him up during the day

Kinda upset me as he isnt abnormal for this, many babies still wake for milk!? Unless i am wrong in thinking this!

I think that you do whatever you can to get some sleep, in our case it takes 5 mins to settle with some milk and i get back to bed the alternative is to listen to him cry/winge for food for god knows how long and i just wont do that, it wont do anyone any good!

You have to do whatever suits and when people give suggestions just nod and say thanks will give it ago, if he sleeps better in your bed just go with the flow.
Its easy for other people to give advice when they get a full nights sleep every night!!!

My 3.5 yo has always been a terrible sleeper. Very few people were brave, stupid kind enough to offer unsolicited advice - I am usually honest about how little she sleeps because I want some sympathy/ to let others in the same boat know they're not alone! If people did keep bugging me though I would probably lie about it :-) DD seems to need less sleep than I do, she usually drops off between 8-9pm. I sometimes bath her and get ready for bed then come back down in PJs for supper / stories / more playing til she's tired. She'll sometimes stay in bed listening to a paddington audio book on CD. Do whatever gets you the most sleep and relaxation, a stressful evening of trying to get them off to sleep is much worse than just letting them stay up a bit longer while you eat / tidy etc.

My sister was an awful sleeper, didn't sleep through until she was about 5. My mum just lied when people asked/tried to give advice. And now like to remind my 20 year old sister of how much a ragbag she was :)

Just do what works best for you. I can't function without sleep and all of my DCs have co-slept with me or each other - I have reached the point where as long as they (and me and DH) are sleeping I don't care where they do it. They have eventually moved into their own beds........

Yanbu op. Why are people so obsessed with people sleeping in their own beds fgs. actually no. Why are people so obsessed with other people's children sleeping in their own beds? Who cares.

just lie like hadley suggested!

You do what u need to survive, just say 'he sleeps fine thanks'. Then cut off any further questions. My cousin did same as you with her ds2 and he sleeps fine now - much easier to bribe a 5/6 year old lol

You're under no obligation to discuss DS's sleep with anyone you don't want to discuss it with. You can lie or change the subject to deflect unwanted inquiries.