Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be confused by joint party etiquette?!!

45 replies

Lottie5 · 29/01/2015 06:44

Dd (3) has been invited to a third birthday party of a little girl at her preschool. The trouble is, the party is a joint one with her older sister who is turning five. My question is - do I need to buy a present for the older sister too, even though we've never even met her? Seems a lot of expense but I don't want to offend!!!

OP posts:

PrimalLass · 29/01/2015 16:16

No, only for the one who invites, not both.

crazykat · 29/01/2015 16:40

There's two weeks between my eldest dcs birthdays so we always do a joint party for them. They each invite their own friends and the invite is only for one or other of them. I don't expect anyone to get them both a present even if the invited child knows both of my dcs. Only one of the dc2's friends have given them both a present but her mum and I are good friends.

If one of my dcs were invited to a joint party in only get the child who invited them a present. If the invite was from both children then I'd get them both a smaller present.

LollyLondon · 29/01/2015 16:46

DD was invited to a joint party by two children in her class, a boy and girl.

The invitation said something like "if you would like to bring a present, please bring something for X" and it basically meant that the girls bought presents for the girl and the boys for the boy.

It was worded a bit better than that and worked well!

Usually though, I buy a smaller gift for the other child that we don't know as well/sibling.

Tisnemo · 29/01/2015 16:58

My DDS had a joint party last year and the guests of dd1 didn't know dd2 and vice versa. All the guests bought just for the dd who they knew but nowhere on the invite did I mention that it was a joint party so they wouldn't have thought about it. I didn't expect people to buy for both.

Moominmarvellous · 29/01/2015 17:03

In this situation, I'd just buy for the child we know. Quite often I've never met DS's pre-school friends older siblings so wouldn't think to buy a present.

I wouldn't expect people to buy for both if I ever hosted a joint party.

Ohmydayz · 29/01/2015 18:17

I would be inclined to buy one gift that they could both play and address to both

JennieR60 · 29/01/2015 18:24

We were recently invited to a joint party and we only brought a present for the child we knew. X

Apricota · 29/01/2015 20:41

I would buy a game or something that they could both make

RachelWatts · 29/01/2015 20:54

My DC's have been to a couple of joint parties. In most cases, it's been made clear on the invitation which child has invited my DS, and "please don't feel obliged to gift anything to {other child}"

We did have one party where we were invited by both children, as we knew both, but about two thirds of the guests didn't even know it was a joint party as they'd only been invited by one of the hosts. Gifts were not expected for both hosts from these guests, but many of their parents were mortified at the 'misunderstanding' and some even rushed out the next day to buy a present and took it round to their homes to apologise. Embarrassing!

TheEfficiencyMovement · 29/01/2015 21:03

If they are close enough in age to enjoy a joint party then you should able to find something for both of them.

I wouldn't buy two presents.

PrettyBelle · 29/01/2015 22:16

My DD has been to quite a fee joint parties and the invitation is usually from both girls. So we always brought presents to both.

Only once the invitation said "if you would like to bring a present please do it for X" (one of the two girls). I think it is nice and fair.

WilliamShatnersPants · 29/01/2015 22:24

My DD had a joint party with her best friend a few months ago. Friends they had in common gave them both gifts. Friends / family that only knew one of the girls only gave a present to that one.

I'd be inclined to buy a proper present for the 3 year old, and perhaps a token present for the 5 year old, eg some hair clips or sticker book.

NoMilkNoSugar · 29/01/2015 22:44

Only give a present to the child that invites them.

Greencurtain · 29/01/2015 23:11

Agree you give a present to the child that invited you.

Eg friends in the same class having a joint party, invitation from Grace and Emily - buy for both, split the budget or don't - up to you but either is correct etiquette. Sometimes people have a joint party so a group can do something that would be prohibitively expensive for one child. Other times, it's just convenient.

But if you receive an invitation from Grace only to that joint party, that means the hosts are not expecting you to buy for Emily as well.

If the birthday children are siblings, similar rules apply. I'd buy what you intended to anyway for the 3yo, but it's a nice gesture to give the 5yo a sticker book or some hair clips if you wanted to.

I've been to a twins' party where the invitation was from both twins - therefore both had present from us. I've been to another twins' party where the invitation was only from one twin so I bought that twin a present.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 30/01/2015 06:48

Don't buy them a shared gift - 5 year old may already be sad that she no longer gets a party of her own and now has to do things suited to a 3 year old - no need to compound it with a joint present. Present for child who invited you, token tiny thing for sibling - the 3 year old is probably delighted with a joint party, the 5 yo probably doesn't want an identity merge with her 3 yo sister.

dragonfly007 · 30/01/2015 07:06

I host joint party for my two ds who have close birthdays. I would never expect a gift for both children, unless child is friends with both of my boys. In this case, a scaled down present is reasonable!

It's not cheap - just practical. We couldn't possibly offer 2 birthday parties in December, people are busy!!!!!!!

MrsDumbledore · 30/01/2015 07:20

We have had a joint party for dd with one of their classmates. No one apart from the kids in the class gave both girls presents. The out of school friends just gave to the child they knew. This was what we had expected, and would have been really embarrassed if someone had thought they needed to buy an extra present for someone they don't know!

thatwhichwecallarose · 30/01/2015 07:30

It would never even occur to me to buy a present for both children. If mums saving money but doing a joint party I doubt they'd expect double presents!

Storm15 · 30/01/2015 08:02

I'm doing a joint party for my little girl with a friend at a different school. My daughter is inviting her class and her friend is inviting her class - I would only expect my daughter's classmates to buy her presents.
If one of ours gets invited to a joint bday party for two friends in their class, I'd buy two presents. In any other situation, I'd buy a present as normal for their friend and tie a gift-tag on a candy cane / lollipop for the friends' friend / sibling.

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 02/02/2015 10:45

We had about three lots of double presents. These were from the boys that do Beavers with mine mainly. Most of the presents were from their particular classmate.

Flip

1 2