To think this book shouldn't be available to 3 and 4 year olds?

[curiousgeorgie]

DD brings home a book everyday in her book bag, she chooses it herself from the book corner.

Today she brought home a book called 'lovely old Roly' with a picture of a cat and 2 children on the front.

Reading it to her tonight, it's about death. It starts 'Poor Roly, his legs are tired, his whiskers are sad, he sleeps all day. 'I think he's going' said sad. We'll sit with you Roly.'

The cat dies. They bury him. It's horrendously sad.

The book goes on and the children can't play because Rolys grave is nearby and they're sad.

Is this really appropriate for 3 and 4 year olds? We've recently had a death in our family so maybe I'm being over sensitive but really?? It made my throat catch and my DD went to bed asking questions about when our dog is going to die.

WIBU to bring this up to the teacher as I think it's really inappropriate?

Surely a parent should be able to decide when and how they want to talk to their child about death, not leave it up to the chance of them picking a book?

I don't think YABU either.
It is completely the wrong timing for you
Sorry for your loss Curious
I have been where you are and all the time had to question my reaction to things.
Big hug from me x

I think that care needs to be taken with books like this that children may bring home without warning. Sometimes it offers a useful opportunity to discuss these issues but as a parent I would want to know what it was about (not find out part way through) so I had the chance to consider how I was going to talk to my DC about it. I also think at times you may choose not to read it due to difficult timing or because you were not emotionally in a place that you could manage it. I am not in any way saying that we should not discuss death with young children just that sometimes we need control of the timing and particular situation in which it takes place. I suspect that the teachers may not have realised that this particular book was available for a "free choice" for a child and may appreciate you pointing it out.

She'll just blurt out 'grandad is dead' at my mums and upset everyone, so it's been a real trial to get her to stop doing that without telling her it's wrong.

Well it's not wrong as far as she is concerned. It's a fact which for her seems to be simultaneously ordinary and extraordinary. It also seems she's not the one who is upset by the book.

My almost 4 year old does that blurting out. Her godfather / my uncle died very suddenly last year and she was just short of 3. She would tell people including us and his wife "Uncle xxxxx is dead and we won't see him again and I miss him" tbh I always felt that that was just her processing something very difficult for her to grasp that someone she saw every week was just gone. His wife didn't find it upsetting, she did what other posters have said "I know, I'm very sad too, look at that photo of the two of you, wasn't that day great fun" stuff like that.

I'm sorry for your familys loss, it's very difficult.

Kids that age don't pick up on the sadness in the same way as adults. My Mum died when my first child was 14 months and for a long long time I couldn't read any books about loss like Goodbye Mog but worse were books about mums and love like Guess How Much I Love You and so many kids picture books have loving mums so it was tricky! His favourite was Kiss Goodnight Sam and I can still remember the terrible burning effort of not weeping while reading it.

imip So sorry about your DD

Don't you think she picked it deliberately? There must be pictures of thrm burying the cat or something....

I wonder if it's part of her working her head round " granddad is dead".

I'm afraid yabu. This is entirely the right sort of book for a child of this age. It's gently introducing death without and scary overlay. I reckon " death education" is where sex education was 10yrs ago and when it gets As normal as sex ed and you answer questions like " is granddad dead forever" in waitrose with the same ( pretend!) nonchalance that you answer " how did the baby get in your tummy" it'll all get easier.

I edit as I read some books. I'll be reading a vintage Ladybird book to DD and come across

"Jane is helping Mummy to set the table. Peter is climbing a tree." becomes

"Jane doesn't want to climb the tree...even though she is best at tree climbing, so she is eating a whole bowl of sugar instead!"

And odd things like that.

We lost FiL last November and DS (5) still says that he misses him, or goes quiet and goes off to find the photo of grandad he keeps in his room. A couple of weeks ago he decided to draw a picture of grandad in the sky next to the sun. It made him happy (maybe not the right word - content?) and is just how he is processing the death now. I think DS would like this book - it shows that this is something which will affect other people, even if your DC doesn't know other children who have lost relatives so far. Your DD can recognise her feelings in those of the children in the book and be reassured that other children feel the same things when facing the loss of a loved one.

We had relatives who were absolutely opposed to us taking DS to FiL's funeral it's no place for a yound child etc. when they'd have seen no problem in us taking him to see a new baby in hospital for example. For us it's just the opposite end of the life cycle and it shouldn't be hidden from him. For me, hiding books about bereavement from small children feeds into that "this isn't suitable for children" mentality. I do err on the side of "provide books and answers from an early age to address and questions children have" though, so DS also has a book on where babies come from, which others might say is unsuitable for a 5 yr old.

Jesus When The Wind Blows breaks me in half now 25 years later. Don't even start me on the film.

That being said I think these things should be addressed but maybe the timing of it could have been better. The Snowman does it every year and now the Snowdog. I'm glad I learned these things when I was little. So YABU about the book but I'm very sorry about the timing.