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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how people manage to breastfeed subsequent children

64 replies

Mammanat222 · 28/01/2015 17:40

Am I missing a trick here?

Currently expressing due to horrifically cracked and bleeding nipples but plan to go back to boob.

How the hell am I going to manage to bf and a look after my toddler? That is aside from feeding us and god forbid getting any housework done.

OH is off for at least another week but what then?

Genuinely interested.

OP posts:
anothernumberone · 28/01/2015 18:36

I've done both and found bf easier is some ways. The baby still needs feeding with FF and in the early days that is pretty chaotic too. Read a story on the couch, bf on the floor once you are past the 'I need to latch this baby at a 45 degree angle to avoid the nipple cracks'. Then as soon as the weather picks up get out every day.

merrymouse · 28/01/2015 18:39

How do people manage to have a toddler and ff babies? Getting a toddler out of the house and preparing bottles would have been completely beyond me.

Jackieharris · 28/01/2015 18:39

I'm pro bf (did it for over 2 years) but seriously if my nipples had been like that I'd have reached straight for the bottle!

Can you take a break and try re lactating once you're healed?

JaniceJoplin · 28/01/2015 18:41

I shamelessly quit BF my DC2 after about 4 weeks for the sole reason that I could not manage 2. I had no help from anyone and I just felt DC1 was totally neglected. I never managed slings, as was told DC2 probably had hip problems so I didn't use them after that and she cluster fed for anywhere between 3 and 7 hours starting at about 3pm. My DC2 was so badly fed on 'healthy snacks' rather than real cooked food that she had horrendous constipation. It was impossible to have any sort of dinner, bath and bed routine. In terms of Cbeebies, yes it's useful, but there is only so much they can take. Children know when they are being ignored. It is very hard IME to stop a breastfeed to go and wipe a dirty butt for a newly trained 2 yr old. Maybe it would have been better to have DC1 in some sort of nursery, but no, absolutely I could not do it! My saviour in those days was the rocking swing, then the Jumperoo. But really, 2 at home for the 10 months before DC1 started nursery was the hardest time of my life! I had no qualms whatsoever about not BF.

addictedtosugar · 28/01/2015 18:59

I echo loads of cbeebies, but also OLD books, that you can pretty much "read" by rote. Latch on baby, get toddler to bring pile of books, and turn pages, while you read 10% and remember the rest of the book!

If you've got a reasonably quick feeder, and a toddler with an obsession, you can set them going on playdoh, and just about fit a feed in!

Feed toddler at same time.

Live on cake and sandwiches, 'cause baby jumps if you drop icecream on their head while feeding :)

grannytomine · 28/01/2015 19:08

Don't worry about the housework. My Granny used to say, "The floors will still be there when the wains are reared." On Granny's advice I didn't worry about cleaning the floor, she was right I have had years for cleaning the floor in fact I think I have done more than enough housework for one lifetime.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 28/01/2015 19:15

I've forgotten...in my defence it was 4 yrs ago. Although I'll be doing it again soon (this one WILL be mixed bf/ff oh yes...)

Iirc I read on a website about having some interest baskets ready for toddler and did this with mine. Fill a couple of baskets with selection of quiet (ha ha) toys, books, puzzles, crayons, random stuff like clothes pegs/ small cardboard boxes/kitchen roll tube and only give basket of goodies to toddler when you bf baby, rotate different baskets to keep interest. DS1 enjoyed his although I don't think we were so strict wasn't worth the fight on the taking said basket (we used back packs as he loved zipped bags at the time) back.

Again, I can't remember what I did other than that though - sorry!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 28/01/2015 19:24

Forgot to say, just do what works for you whether bf, expressed, mixed or ff.

I'm just going to roll with it with dc3, I got most stressed when the other 2 were babies when I tried to shoe horn us all into some preset notion of having to do something a particular way rather than the easiest way.

Thanks cracked nipples are torture! I totally sympathise - have you tried the nipple guard shield things? (Medula make them) I didn't know what they were with DC1 and 2, apparently they're good to prevent/help with sore nipples - I'm going to get some in prep for DC3. Hope you're on the mend soon x

Pepsiaddict · 28/01/2015 19:25

I have an almost 2yo and a 3 week old. We've kept the toddler in nursery a couple of days a week to avoid too many changes at once and also because my DH works away from home a lot. It really depends on how breastfeeding is going. My first was a nightmare, I never felt I had enough milk (and prob didn't due to anaemia & retained placenta and poor advice in hospital - not to feed her again asshe couldn't be hungry) and she fed constantly for over an hour each time. The rest of the time she screamed. There's no way I could have bf her with a toddler but since she was my first it was ok and I fed for 15 months. No 2 is completely different and has fed like a dream

VeryPunny · 28/01/2015 19:29

20 month gap here. All that advice about snuggling up together on a sofa with books etc was bollocks - DD wanted to feed too, smacked DS and generally wasn't having any of it. Cbeebies and a Pingu DVD did the trick.

Cockadoodledooo · 28/01/2015 19:33

In my case by having a 6 year age gap Grin

I found it much much easier second time around, no pain or bleeding/cracked nipples. Maybe ds2 was just better at it than ds1.

Have you tried Lansinoh op? Soreness and cracks are miserable.

Booboostoo · 28/01/2015 19:55

It an depend on the habits of the bf baby. DD was draining, she fed constantly, but she was my first DC so I resigned myself to a few months of the sofa and endless episodes of Come Dine With Me.

DS bfs fewer times and very very quickly so is overall less demanding. DD is 3.5yo now and remembers bf so perhaps because of this she understands that when the baby needs to bf that takes priority. We have quite a few things eye can while DS bfs, board games, painting, blocks, crafts, etc.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 28/01/2015 20:11

Sounds a nightmare. I agree with using Lansinoh, it was the difference between me carrying on BFing or stopping, last time.

For me, I'll have a 5.10yr age difference so my problems are going to be different, at least DD can get herself a snack/drink and go to the loo on her own Grin

Smartiepants79 · 28/01/2015 20:13

Cbeebies is your friend.

Indantherene · 28/01/2015 20:13

I had 19 months between DC1 & 2; 24 months between 2 & 3 and 24 months between 3 and 4. All were bf for 15 months.

You have to feed the younger ones somehow, and as a pp said, BF takes one hand while FF takes 2. It was just easier.

I think it helped that I've never gone in for "routines" so we just all muddled along. DH was never around in the early days and would often be gone from 7am Monday to 10pm Thursday so we just had to get on with it.

WD41 · 28/01/2015 20:15

I can't imagine how people manage if there's trouble establishing BFing. It took 3 weeks to get the hang of it with DD - she couldn't latch and it used to literally take up to an hour just to get her latched on, let a alone feed her. I don't think I could have managed it if there was an older child around to look after too.

m0therofdragons · 28/01/2015 20:18

Dd1 watched a lot of cbeebies and Disney films while I bf dtds - she's now almost 7 and fairly bright so I dont think it was too damaging. Oh and dtds present to dd was a Nintendo ds and dogs game thing which kept her busy for ages (before dtds I didn't believe children should play on such things until about 6yo - I've relaxed a lot!).
also, re cracked nipples - have you tried nipple shields? I found them a life saver!

BMO · 28/01/2015 20:21

I had a 3.5 year age gap so it was a piece of piss!

Though bleeding and cracked nipples would have meant bottle fed babies for me Shock

idiuntno57 · 28/01/2015 20:29

I seem to remember playing football with older DC's 4,4 & 2 whilst BF youngest.

I think you do what you can do. I am sure it wasn't a great feed and it certainly wasn't a brilliant game of football but everyone is still alive (me included). Books, TV, snacks and whispers letting the baby cry sometimes whilst you deal with the others would be my suggestion.

BUT if you can't it really doesn't matter. Your DC will be fine if FF whatever the naysayers say. Do whatever works for you.

amyisagonegirl · 28/01/2015 20:29

I've 3month twins and a toddler. Twin on boob and bottle swapping alternate days. Would have loved to exclusively breastfeed them both but it didn't work out. My toddler has become brilliant at playing by herself but always needs to pee when both boys are crying.Confused.
My best advice, do what works and don't give yourself a hard time.

CheshirePanda · 28/01/2015 20:39

For cracked and sore nipples, you must try atrauman dressings. Your HV should be able to prescribe them. They are nigh on miraculous, vastly better than lansinoh etc

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 28/01/2015 20:39

Cheers ladies,

I am hoping to go back to boob soon but I wont lie expressing has made life a little easier in some respects (no 3 hour cluster feeds and me being unable to really do anything for / with DS for that time - he is a live wire and sitting still with us for that amount of time isn't an option. Even though OH is here DS is being a bit clingy with me)

Sling isn't an option until baby gains a bit of weight. She is too teeny for it at the moment.

I will however persevere and worse case then I'll express for as long as I can bare to. Currently expressing 100% of feeds...

OP posts:
littlehayleyc · 28/01/2015 20:57

Not sure it makes much difference how you feed. It's a big leap going from one baby to two. Splitting your time, having to deal with one and leave the other to whinge. My DS was potty training when my DD was born and always seemed to want a wee the second I sat down to feed DD. Mostly you just have to muddle through somehow! I tended to sit and read with DS while DD was having a long feed. I also used the sling a lot, so if DD had fallen asleep on me I could run DS to the loo, make his lunch, play games... etc without waking her up. Also carried on going to groups, plenty of walks to the park and things like that so it wasn't a case of DS getting bored or running riot while I fed the baby. As others have said, a bit of cbeebies comes in handy! Sometimes you just have to leave one of them to cry for a minute while you deal with whichever is most urgent! At bedtimes I used to feed DD while reading DS's bedtime story then put her in the sling, or in her cot to (hopefully) fall asleep while I settled DS. If I was lucky she'd sleep long enough for me to have dinner! Gradually we fell in to routine. I was lucky with DD that feeding was a lot easier 2nd time around though.

phlebasconsidered · 28/01/2015 21:03

Fifteen months between mine. DS popped off the book one week before DD was born....

I allowed him to mainline iggle piggle and got together a box of junkyard new small toys that only came out when I was browsing. That worked well.

I also toddler proofed the lounge so he could get on with it while I fed.

LittleBearPad · 28/01/2015 21:10

Didn't bf Dd but am bf DS. CBeebies, my mum being around and the fact DS seems to sleep a lit currently are helping. Sometimes I wish I was ff but seem to be stuck bf for the moment.