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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave?

51 replies

smokeandfluffcat · 28/01/2015 15:17

To just walk out and start a completely new life in another part of the country?

I guess it's impossible but the thought is pounding in my head today. Has anyone done this? Did it make you happy?

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 28/01/2015 15:39

Yes, but it's the change I'm asking about.

If you've always thought your area dangerous and been scared then it's not the area for you.

If it's a sudden change then it may point to mental distress or anxiety if you've become scared recently.

Original poster

smokeandfluffcat · 28/01/2015 15:40

Possibly :) not sure really. x

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 28/01/2015 15:40

Being on the street anywhere would scare me tbh dejarderoncar

Original poster

smokeandfluffcat · 28/01/2015 15:40

It's not that I'm scared exactly, forget I said that! Back to moving!

OP posts:

dejarderoncar · 28/01/2015 15:41

smokeandfluffcat no, I retired and decided wtf, let´s go for it. Life´s to short to not do what feels right, or to not be where you want to be. Also, very few things cannot be changed again if it doesn`t work out.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/01/2015 15:41

And your last post is worrying

Change your name? Become someone else?

I'm sure you're an ok person as you and accepting who you are as a person is really important, not trying to be anyone else.

You are unique. There's only one of you.

Original poster

smokeandfluffcat · 28/01/2015 15:41

Sounds amazing

OP posts:

Original poster

smokeandfluffcat · 28/01/2015 15:42

Laurie whether I am or not isn't the point. I don't want to be.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 28/01/2015 15:43

Then we have to make you want to be YOU

Everyone else is someone else, you can only be you

SurlyCue · 28/01/2015 15:44

What is it about being you that isnt working for you?

LaurieFairyCake · 28/01/2015 15:44

You can still move

But you need to be you

PatriciaHolm · 28/01/2015 15:47

But you can't become someone else.

You can move, change your name, your job, even your country.

But those thoughts in your head come with you, you know. You can't just stop being who you are. If you move but don't address what the root problem is, all that will happen is that in a year's time you'll feel exactly as you feel now.

dejarderoncar · 28/01/2015 15:49

smokandfluffcat I was depressed to an extent when I moved, following a relationship breakup. Reckoned I might as well be depressed somewhere nicer! I had wanted to do it for years, but my ex disgreed.Could hardly go outside the house to walkthe dog in UK without teens or men making unnecessary, often rude, offensive or abusive comments, chucking bottles about, trying to set the park on fire etc etc.

gobbynorthernbird · 28/01/2015 15:52

I'm astounded to hear you have no friends.

Original poster

smokeandfluffcat · 28/01/2015 15:56

That's because I'm a shit person gobby; still astounded?

OP posts:

BubbleGirl01 · 28/01/2015 15:58

Yes I did, to another country. Dragged DH and 3 x DCs with me for the ride and it all ended in tears (and financial destitution).

No happy ending there, we were back here within a year, still paying for it today.

I learnt the hard way that the grass is most definitely not greener!

I do think it is possible though to start afresh as long as you have the financial backup and any OHs/DCs are amenable.

Depends what you are 'walking out' from really.

FlyorNot · 28/01/2015 16:02

Yep, I did it. Much like further up thread. I didnt want my life anymore, I couldn't be who I wanted situation, people stuck in a dead end place. I set the plan in motion and did it. I changed everything about myslf and felt free.

Years later I am in a brilliant circle of friends, married and live in a much calmer happier area. Best decision I ever made!
I also thought about changing my name. I use a shortened version of it now and my last name changed when I married. I don't even look remotely how I used to.

For those worrying about depression, I had it and the move was the best thing for me. I left all the things that dragged me down for years and made a new start. I still get depressed but love where I am and who I am now conpared to the hollow version I was. HTH.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/01/2015 16:02

If you're being serious and you really think you're a shit person then I suggest you get some help as it sounds like you're in a bad place (emotionally).

I've never met a shit person, just people being people who have done the odd shitty thing - me included.

SurlyCue · 28/01/2015 16:03

That's because I'm a shit person gobby; still astounded?

I am astounded you think you are a shit person! Im sure thats not true at all. You do sound like you could be depressed. Like i talked when i was.

What do you have in your life that you do like/enjoy?

ChocDee · 28/01/2015 16:08

I am currently living in country number six at the moment. I like new challenges, and every move has been a very positive experience - bar one. Unfortunately I am moving back to 'bar one' this summer but to a completely different area.
I have enjoyed the fresh starts and getting to know different cultures.

The first and second time I swapped countries you could say I was moving away from unfavourable circumstances and it was great to have a new start and wipe the slate clean. But I must say that I used it as a tool/ opportunity to change myself as well.

IJustCantBelieveIt · 28/01/2015 16:15

I did this OP.
Packed very few things, went to a train station and boarded the first train, 3 trains later, I decided that it was enough, I could see the sea and I would stay.
In my case though, I was running away from everything. My crap family, abusive ex, a job I hated, a place that I had grown up in and felt every street corner was taunting me.
Best thing I ever did I have never looked back, and I did change my surname as I didn't want ANYONE knowing where I was. I think I was probably depressed, but after the 3rd train, I guess I felt it was far enough (miles, time and emotionally) behind me. It was bloody difficult to establish in my new home town. I stayed in a b&b for a few days and found a room to let in a kind of house share quite quickly. From there I found a job, and 6 months later managed to move into my own place. 2 years after, I moved again (same town though) into a nicer house, met my dh, married and had kids.
There is something to be said for starting afresh, but talk to someone irl if you can, whether that be your gp or samaritans.
My dh does know of my 'old life' but it doesn't bother him. As he says, if it didn't happen, me and him would never have happened, and out 2 dc wouldn't be their wonderful selves either.

CeartGoLeor · 28/01/2015 16:21

I've lived in numerous different places in five countries on three continents apart from my home country - this is my eighth address in the UK, and a completely different area of the country to my last. I like moving on, as is probably obvious, but it's no magic cure for unhappiness, unless what is making you unhappy is something concrete to do with your particular current environment - hated job, unhappy marriage, awful neighbours, too isolated or urban place etc.

JinglyJanglyMe · 28/01/2015 16:42

flyornot that's what I want to do. I to have thought about changing my name. Doubt I will, I could shorten mine as well
smoke I am looking forward to no one knowing me, my past anything about me. I just want away from it all, to start again, a fresh start. Its a hard thing to explain though isn't it?
I might land flat on my face but you know what at least I tried to make a better life than I have now. I've nothing to leave behind except bad memories and yes they will come with me but they will be easier lived with not in my face everyday.

Original poster

smokeandfluffcat · 28/01/2015 16:48

I agree Jingly.

OP posts:

JinglyJanglyMe · 28/01/2015 17:01

oh smoke. ok I will pick you up on my way past seriously though if it is making you that sad and unhappy for whatever reason you can do it. You can change anything you want to. I know what you mean about feeling like a shit person.

Lots of good advice from others maybe you are depressed are you? Or things around you are depressing you? Or suffocating you that's how I feel.

Everyone will want to help and support you on MN it can be a great place for that. I hope you find the answers you are looking for and if I can help drop me a pm x

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