Not sure what to do re "sexual" behaviour at school

[Shirleycantbe]

My dd who is 9 and in year 5 came home yesterday saying that a boy in her class had "tried to feel inside" the shirt of her best friend and made comments such as "Juicy".

On the one hand I think it's totally inappropriate behaviour and that little girls shouldn't have to be subject to this sort of thing. On the other hand my dd didn't actually witness it so this is just reported.

As background, the boy is new to the school this academic year and my dd doesn't like him at all. Previously he has apparently called her friend "sexy" and made other unwanted comments. My dd wouldn't make this sort of thing up - it would be totally out of character.

So do I do anything? Am I overreacting? I don't feel 9 yr old girls should be trained to accept being treated as sex objects. But as I have only 2 dads and no knowledge of boys of this age I don't want to over react.

Any advice?

2 dds not 2 dads!

Let the teacher know and let the school pick it up.

I have a year 5 DS and I would be really shocked if he or any if his behaved like this. I would speak to the school, this is not typical behaviour and it doesn't sound made up either.

if this did indeed take place, it's unacceptable behaviour and should be addressed.
I wonder if you could contact the parents of the girl and tell them what your dd said. You say the girl is your dd's best friend, so I expect you know them.
If they confirm that their dd is telling the truth, then they should be encouraged to go to the Head Teacher and report the boy.
All the girls in the school have the right not to be touched or approached in this way.
I was a primary teacher for 26 years, and I would wonder if this boy has had some kind of sexual abuse at home, or been exposed to inappropriate pornography. It's very unusual for a lad of 9 to display this sort of behaviour.

I would definitely be speaking to the school, like, yesterday.

Obviously you have to be clear that you are only going on what you are hearing from your DD, but for something as serious as this (trying to feel the inside of a girls shirt is basically sexual assault), you expect the school to be doing a full investigation to work out the facts. You could also say that if they aren't prepared to do anything about this, then you will be making a formal complaint to the board of governors.

I would not be happy with that if it happened to my DD at senior school! I would let the school know, and let them investigate. They will be aware of the correct procedures to deal with this.

My ds once made a sexual remark to a couple of the girls in his school at around the same age, he really didn't understand what he was saying and just thought it was a bit cheeky/taboo and said it to make everyone laugh. He was picked up on it at school and was told it was inappropriate, a sentiment I reinforced at home. His friend had got it from his older brother, so it's not always a sign of sexual abuse.

Just tell the school and in most cases that will be the end of the matter. Ds is now 13 and there's never been anything like that since.

I should reiterate, ds never tried to touch a girl in anyway, I realise that's more serious.

Dd had a lad in her class during year 5 and 6 who did and said similar things. I mentioned it to the class teacher who agreed it was inappropriate and dealt with it. It's not on and for everyone's sake including his own the boy needs to sort his behaviour out.

Ludways to me, that is the difference. Children of 9 say all sorts of daft things which they may have heard from TV, older siblings etc. But it isn't common to find a boy who actually sticks his hand inside a girl's shirt like this. Most pupils in year 5 know very well one mustn't do that.
I do hope op that the school can be alerted to this behaviour, once the facts are verified, for the boy's sake as well as the girls'.

You owe it to everyone involved to ask to speak to the HT or at least the class teacher about this, I think.

Letting this one go is under-reacting, rather than mentioning it being over-reacting, iyswim.

Definitely mention it.

Whether he's just mimicking something inappropriate he's seen on TV. or this is a sign of something more sinister, this is unusual and upsetting for your daughter and her friend. It needs to checked out.

Refer it to the class teacher immediately, as this is most inappropriate behaviour, but make it clear that your daughter didn't actually witness it herself. Best Friend may need investigating too.

Definitely report it. It might be that he needs to be taught about boundaries and appropriate conduct, and better for that intervention to cone sooner rather than later.

Definitely raise it, noone in any context, should be letting this behaviour go. He needs to be told about appropriate behaviour and the girls and boys of this class need a clear 'your body, your rules' message.
Yes, he's probably picked it up from somewhere and is just thinking it's funny. But dismissing that as 'just a laugh' would probably mean others will emulate it.
The teacher should take this seriously, perhaps a pshe chat?

Yes I would speak to the head teacher, this is totally inappropriate.

If my Y5 DS did this I would be totally shocked and he would be in SUCH trouble.

Waitingonasunnyday.. That's exactly it isn't it? I don't know anyone who is the parent of a boy who wouldn't want it dealing with too.

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I have a Year 5 boy and he's nowhere near thinking along those lines. I appreciate children mature at different levels but I think he seems overly sexualised so it becomes a CP issue and the school have to be notified.

And equally, your daughter and the other girls need to feel safe at school and that is entirely unacceptable behaviour at any age and should be dealt with.

Even if it turned out to be hear say, it's always better to say something.

Vickylou you need to start your own thread, rather than post on someone else's. You have a better chance of a response that way.

Hello VickyLou, you need to start your own thread. If you go back to the AIBU board you will see the "Start a Thread" bit. I bet you will get some good advice and support. Take care.

Thinking about it a bit more, my DS sings along to Gangnam style 'hey sexy lady' or 'it's my birthday you should be my honey' without really thinking about it. If there is a 'juicy' song I could see him singing it. But he is at v immature stage where he doesn't like even being near girls let alone touching one. I suppose I am saying this boy might not know how wrong his actions are. But if that were my DS he'd learn pretty bloody quickly by my reaction!!

I would definitely mention it to the school Shirley.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm going to speak to the school.