To just want to see my friend?

[MouseInTheSkirting]

I have a dear friend who I met through work several years back. We developed s good friendship when we took windsurfing lessons together and eventually got our husbands involved and went out for meals etc. as well as seeing each other on our own.

Since last year she's started inviting her teenage (16) daughter along and it's just weird. We'll arrange to meet for coffee and her daughter comes, we'll arrange to all go for dinner and they bring their daughter. I've just had a baby and she planned to visit this weekend and now she's just texted to say her daughter is coming.

Her daughter is nice enough but I would really rather see my friend or friend and husband without the daughter. I've stopped arranging to see her so often as it completely changes what we can chat about.

She has another child who is at uni so maybe she's trying to make the most of this one before she goes to uni too. I don't know.

She never asks if it's ok for her daughter to come. She just lets me know she is coming. Sometimes she just brings her without telling me and I'm always disappointed that again I don't get to have adult conversation.

Am I being unreasonable here?

yanbu.

I wouldn't like it.
My friend oftens brings her 16 year old ds with her but always asks me if I mind.

I don't mind because he has autism and she finds it hard to get childcare. Plus I like him and he just gets on with it.

On the other hand every time I plan to go out with my manager she invites her kids and husband.

YABU. So what? They have a great a relationship. Are you jealous of this? Isn't it lovely that your friends daughter is interested in coming to see the new baby? You sound a bit weird.

YANBU - sometimes you just want a nice girly chat with your best mate without an audience.

I don't think the op sounds weird at all, how rude to say so. Of course it's not the same if the daughter comes, it changes the whole dynamics.

Yanbu. I'd hate it. Do you think df see dd as an adult now?

YANBU at all.
Nothing wrong with the friend choosing to go for a coffee or a meal with her 16yr old if she wants to, but you can't 'impose' your teenage dd on an arranged meeting with a friend. Changes the dynamics completely. I should know, I have a 16yr old dd and a dc who has gone off to University and, lovely as she is, I wouldn't expect a friend I'd arranged to meat for a meal / coffee, to want to spend their time with her.

Ya sooooo nbu!! my friend does this with her 14 yo niece, most of the time with no warning. I meet up with her because I want to talk about grown up stuff and its always a bit awkward having to censor what you chat about

I think it is an odd thing to do, if she brings her DD every single time. Maybe she is concerned about leaving her alone?

I have a 16 year old DD, and I wouldn't take her to any meet up with my friends unless she came in to say "hello" and then went off to do her own thing. Her presence would inhibit conversation, which I think DD understands. Just as I wouldn't expect to hang out with her and her friends.

Yes - it changes the dynamic completely! Especially if we go out for dinner - I don't want to spend an evening and £50ish on a meal with her daughter there. There's only so much asking about school I can do.

And to the poster who asked if I was jealous - of course not. I don't mind her daughter sometimes being there but when I want a proper catch up I am so disappointed when I turn up and daughter is there.