to think that some people get a real kick out of excluding others?

[NameChangerOrdinaire]

Just that really.

Just been told by my parents not to expect to go and see sister's new baby, "they will tell you when they're ready". (Baby is not born yet, but is due any week now.)

I realise, naturally, that it is up to the new parents, not up to me (I do have two children of my own, after all!) So please don't tell me IABU for trying to make this about me. I know it's not about me.

I would never want to intrude.

I am just a bit that this has come up at the last moment (in my culture it is very normal for close family to go and see the new baby as soon as it's born) and the attitude is also pretty disrespectful towards me and my family. It's a 6-hour round trip and we have two toddlers, so it's not that convenient for us to arrive "on command" IYSWIM, it would be nicer to sort out a mutually convenient time.

Baby has no other aunts and only 1 other uncle apart from DH so it's not like they are going to be swamped with visitors.

I didn't say anything but I really resented the lecture on how birth is unpredictable and you don't know how you're going to feel afterwards etc etc. Funnily enough I have done it not that long ago so I do remember! I really think my parents were getting a kick out of telling me that I had to wait to be summoned. Especially since it came as second-hand message from them and not directly from the parents-to-be. I've very surprised as they don't have form for this sort of thing.

I can't help thinking of other times in my life when "friends" have pointedly asked me to not to come to parties etc. Does this happen to everyone? Or am I really such an awful person? Or is it just a bit of bad luck? Or how on earth should I take this?

I'm on the flip side of the situation, 24 wks pregnant with DC1 and the thought of being hounded by relatives (over bearing MIL is main culprit) immediately after the birth is making me jittery. I'm a quiet, private person and I don't think I'll cope well with a stream of people, particularly if I am emotional, sore and knackered. I see it as my time with my husband and our new baby and I really hope we are respected by others to that effect.

We are planning to ask the same request of our family members as you've been asked and no, I'm not smug about it at all, in fact the thought of having these talks is quite stressful. I'm doing it to avoid any hard feelings at a special time in our lives that I don't want spoiled. I also don't want to be worrying about entertaining other people when I have a more important new person to be looking after and learning about!

As much as it is frustrating for you, the pregnancy experience is a very personal one as I'm sure you know, and some people want to keep it that way for a little longer. Nothing wrong with that, just different strokes.

Try not to take it personally.

Oh so sorry op. My mum and sil were like this and when you get a rejection from family it brings up past negative feelings of being pushed away. Act as if it was never said to you. Ring your sis and give her lots of encouragement and tell her you can't wait to be an auntie and have a cousin for your children. Tell her wild horses won't stop you from visiting as soon as she's ready. Keep being loving and positive.

Thanks biggles, that's what I'm going to do. The shock has worn off now and I'm actually enjoying not being 'on call' to jump on the train at a moment's notice. Babies are lovely and all, but I don't really feel the need to drop everything to go and visit. It's more of a cultural expectation here, which is probably why it stung even more to be told not to go (as if I was doing it for myself and not them).

We travel to see the family quite a lot and it's a real hassle with 2 small children and 3 public transport changes each way, I think it annoyed me even more to have it treated like I was being selfish by expecting to visit. Errrr no, £50, 6 hours round trip with toddlers and an overnight stay, I'm actually just as happy to give it a miss

Two thoughts occurred to me op - the first being that your dsis has asked that everyone stay away until invited, so her and bil and the baby get some uninterrupted time just the 3 of them. Your mum has interpreted this as 'well she can't possibly mean me!', and passed on the instruction to you.
Or the second, probably less likely I'm sure, that your dsis is struggling for some reason (antenatal depression?) That she's confided in your mum, and really does need to see how it goes before being overwhelmed by visitors.

I'd talk to your sis. Maybe mentioning what your mum said along the lines of how WhereYouLeftIt put it upthread.

And secretly I'd be delighted at not having to drop everything and run with two toddlers on public transport