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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be stressing about in laws turning up late

23 replies

Ollieowl · 25/01/2015 22:39

Long story short, I start back to work next week after mat leave.

In laws are going to be looking after him 2 days a week, picking him up in morning, dropping him off in evening. They are always late for everything and I'm anxious they will be late for picking DS up and bringing him back. They have been late both times they have looked after him so far.

Anxious to the point it's all I can think about and DH and I constantly argue. He says it will all be fine and if they are late, he'll tell them we're not happy and make alternative arrangements.

AIBU to be stressing so much?

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 25/01/2015 22:41

If your DH thinks it'll be fine then he can ve the one to wait for them surely?

Or ask them to pick up 20 mins before they need to

NormHonal · 25/01/2015 22:42

YABU for stressing SO much about something before it has even happened.

Stop stressing and start focusing your energy on creating strategies/contingencies for dealing with this, in case it is a problem.

Tell them a revised time, 15 minutes earlier than you previously said?

Or if this is such a big problem, pay for childcare instead and watch your stress levels subside. Please don't forget they are doing you a huge favour.

ILovePud · 25/01/2015 22:43

I can understand why your stressed over this, could you leave the house before DH and then you wouldn't be worrying about getting to work on time?

CrapBag · 25/01/2015 22:44

If they are that unreliable i'd be looking into alternative childcare now. As soon as they turn up late a couple of times that would be the end of the arrangement. Are you expected to just be late for work each time!

I wouldn't like them bringing him back late either, surely once you are home from work you are going to want to see your child, not wonder when ILs will rock up with him? Could you pick him up on your way home?

arethereanyleftatall · 25/01/2015 22:47

Are you paying them? If no, and you demand they turn up at x time, you could find yourself paying for alternative childcare. If yes, insist!

arethereanyleftatall · 25/01/2015 22:48

Or, could one of you do the dropping off and picking up?

BackforGood · 25/01/2015 22:53

YABU to get them to do the childcare, if they are "always late for everything".

Of course you need reliable childcare in place when you are at work.

You need to either drop him at their house, go to work and leave dh to wait in for them, or find alternative childcare pronto.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 25/01/2015 22:57

YABU.

This stress is of your own making. They are unreliable, you know this, so why agree to this arrangement?

Sort out reliable, professional, paid childcare.

ILovePud · 25/01/2015 23:02

If they really want to look after their DGC it might cause a lot of upset to say no and we don't know whether OP has initiated this arrangement or whether full cost child care would make her return to work prohibitively expensive. OP they may have been unreliable timekeepers on other occasion but they may have known that time wasn't so much of an issue then, hopefully they'll understand the importance of being prompt when you or your DH has to get to work.

Original poster
Ollieowl · 25/01/2015 23:09

Thanks for the feedback :-)

I would LOVE to be putting DS into nursery 4 days a week (he will be going the other 2 days anyway.) However DH wants his parents to have time with DS so 2 days was the compromise (in laws wanted to have DS full time) I understand DHs point- they are great with him in every respect other than time keeping.

They live 30 mins away, I have offered to do the pickups and drop offs but they have flat refused that offer and made a huge deal of doing it themselves...

DH and I work at same place so travelling in separately would be a bit daft.

Argh!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 25/01/2015 23:11

So two of you are going to be late for work....... Hmm

I suppose the only other thing you could try, would be to pretend you MUST leave, 1/2 hr before you actually need to in reality ?? Would that work ?

sooperdooper · 25/01/2015 23:11

Why can't you drop your ds off in the morning?

sooperdooper · 25/01/2015 23:14

Cross posts! Give them a chance, if they're late within the first week say you do drop offs no arguments, or find alternative child care - tell them this now

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 25/01/2015 23:14

Well then you're just going to have to stop stressing and wait for the inevitable to happen, and in the meantime hope that the nursery has a vacancy for the other 2 days you'll need.

evelynj · 25/01/2015 23:14

We'll at least if his parents are late he will be too & you can blame him in work!

ILovePud · 25/01/2015 23:15

That's tricky, at least your DH will be able to speak to his parents then and there if there's a problem, I'd imagine it would feel more awkward if you were having to broach this. It sounds like they adore your son and hopefully this will be enough to stop them jeopardising the arrangement by turning up late.

CrapBag · 25/01/2015 23:16

Well if they are that unreliable then I would TELL them you are dropping DS and picking them up and make it clear it is to up for discussion.

Your DH needs to be on board as it sound's like he will go along with whatever his parents want.

simpson · 25/01/2015 23:17

I think you will have to give them a chance (& tell them to be there 30 mins before needed).

Spincyclist · 25/01/2015 23:17

My parents are pathologically late for everything too. However they do make a massive effort when they know I have to get to work. It might be better than you think.

I would still ask your ILs to come 15 mins early, TBF. If it doesn't work out, the world won't end, you'll just have to find a Plan B. Good luck with your return to work. I found the anticipation was worse than the reality.

ToffeeCaramel · 25/01/2015 23:31

I think you need to insist you drop off and pick up as it will remove the stress about being late.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 25/01/2015 23:39

For the first week, travel separately.

You need to have a relaxed head on to start work again. You are worrying about this and it is affecting your relationship too. He thinks it will be fine, he does the waiting for the first week.

Let him take the stress if he thinks it will all be fine.

If it's fine, it's fine.

If there is any lateness at all, you start doing the pickups. They DO NOT GET TO FLAT OUT REFUSE THIS. It's not up to them - the choice is, get DS picked up and dropped off, or he goes to nursery full time.

Original poster
Ollieowl · 26/01/2015 00:04

Thanks for the input everyone.

To be fair to DH he's trying to be sensible and is accepting his parents offer of help to help things financially, as well as to give them time with DS. And he will not be shy of telling them they are in trouble if they're late.

Guess best plan is to wait and see what happens (and try and stop talking about it until then!!)

OP posts:
sockmatcher · 26/01/2015 00:12

You are stressed about returning to work and challenging that into this worry.

Give them a chance!

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