to want to keep him at arm's length?

[Hennightpanic]

Right - every summer I travel with my children back to my home country. While there my mum's neighbour has her dd and grandchildren over from the US and we are all good friends, especially my dd1 and her dd.

Her dd wants to come over to visit and we are all delighted. She was feeling too shy to travel on her own so her dad suggested travellling with her, initially sayinv he'd explore the country independently.

Now that the visit is drawing nearer he sounds more like he actively wants to spend the week witb us. Dd1 and the dd are not keen, they are teenagers and largely want to do their own thing. I'm not keen because I don't know him well. Also my ds has special needs abd during half term I need to plan things carefully in order not to wear him out. I feel he should go off exploring on his own, but we could one day trip together and have dinner.

A couple of people have made me feel that with him coming such a long way with his dd I should be more welcoming... what do you all think?

Sorry lots of posts on here since I read!

Re I don't really want to spend more than a day with him, and his dd is quite happy to not see him as well, but he says he's looking forward to getting to know us better confused

You could say it is very nice you want to get to know us better but that will not be possible at this time as the girls have a plan of things they want to do and I have various commitments with my son. Just say to the wife this is what you will say because it is true and can the wife just explain to the husband it is not a snub etc, it is just the reality for you.

I have met him but only briefly many years ago - which he cited as the reaon why we should see more of each other...

I'm glad that so far I have MN on my side! Will aim to be assertive!

Why don't you give him suggestions of "must sees" around the county and help him located cheap accommodation

That way you can assert your needs whilst being accommodating of him being busy for the week.

He also has very unrealistic ideas about the British rail system...

I think his wife needs to tell him not to impose himself on you. I would if it were my DH.

His wife should be telling him not to push himself on you, especially if she knows how you feel about it. Could you get her to sort it out? Do you have a DP? If so what has he said?
You ANBU at all, I certainly wouldn't be comfortable hosting for a man I barely know.

Hope this awkward situation gets sorted ASAP for you OP.

I think his wife is trying her best

Ask his wife why is he so pushy?

Be explicit - use Brian's suggestion. I hate guests that foist themselves on me.

It's one of the difficulties of living far away from people... It's a tricky balancing act between being welcoming and having people outstaying their welcome

So his daughter won't travel alone but doesn't want to see him during the trip
Seems to me if she'd grown up a bit and decided to do the trip alone, which is what she wants anyway, this wouldn't have happened. Is she sure she can't fly alone? Especially as it looks like daddy is going to tag along?

Well the flights are booked now anyway

So coming on her own is not an option

He can get to know you at dinner. Then leave.

Sweeping generalisation and I might be doing him a terrible injustice but I wonder if he's one of these men who has no absolutely idea how much work it is having guests and thinks he'll be no trouble at all!

His wife needs to tell him bluntly, look, the girls don't want you cramping their style and Hennight has enough on so you need to sort out how you are going to amuse yourself for most of the week.

I feel a bit sorry for him as I suspect the idea of a week travelling around on his own has lost it's appeal (I would love it!) but it's not fair to land himself on you.

I wouldn't want to feed and entertain a woman I didn't know well for a week either (although at least I could wander around in my jammies!)