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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate going to the pub my friend works in?

66 replies

FleurDeCassius · 24/01/2015 14:26

Any night me and my friend decide to go local we always go to the pub that she works in.

I have no problem with the pub itself (it can be a little bit Werewolf in London type thing sometimes though lol)

But she knows everyone in there and will end up talking to different people all night. Such as going up to get drinks and talking for ages whilst I'm sat on a table by myself.

I don't really know anyone in there, and whilst I'm friendly and can chat to most people I still find it awkward.

Aibu to not want to go?

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 24/01/2015 15:21

No idea why there is a grinny fucker in the middle of my post Confused

SurlyCue · 24/01/2015 15:22

Because she always wants to,

I suggest other places and it's met with

well she's not the boss of you, your opinion is just as valid and if you dont want to go to her pub then dont. She doesnt have to like that but you arent happy with te urrent set up either.

CSIJanner · 24/01/2015 15:23

Is she suggesting her workplace as she has pints in the line? Many many moons who when I lived above a bar, I also socialised there once a week (2 nights off) as I had drinks bought for me and it was a cheap night.

EatShitDerek · 24/01/2015 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoJo · 24/01/2015 15:26

SurlyCue

I assumed you were sneaking in an affectionate smiley for me as we have reached mutual understanding after only four posts of confusion.

fuckmeblindiknowthatcat · 24/01/2015 15:26

As a former barmaid I know it's difficult to speak to your mates in the pub especially if your boss is there.

I'd never ignore them though.

Original poster
FleurDeCassius · 24/01/2015 15:29

As a former barmaid I know it's difficult to speak to your mates in the pub especially if your boss is there.

I don't think she really has a boss.

The actually pub itself is owned by a brewery and the manager is a family member.

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 24/01/2015 15:30

I wasnt but i will now Grin

magicpixie · 24/01/2015 15:31

oh I'd hate that too, you want to catch up with friend, not make small talk with some leery old men

you will need to speak upand say you either want to go somewhere else or not at all

don't just do what she wants all the time

or suggest a shopping trip or spa or something different

DoJo · 24/01/2015 15:32

Grin Back atcha Surly!

Roussette · 24/01/2015 15:34

Have to say, I'd be fed up if I wanted to catch up with a friend and we walked through the doors of a pub and she just buggered off to chat to everyone else! Isn't the idea that OP and her friend are going out together? OP has already said she is sociable but she doesn't want to chat to all her friends' work pub punters.

It sounds to me OP like she is using you to go to her pub on a night off to chat up some bloke(s) she has an eye on. If she dumps you as soon as she walks in the door, betcha that's why. Boring for you and YANBU.

TwatFaceBitch · 24/01/2015 15:38

If you really don't want to go there then tell her. I'm sure it wouldn't end your friendship to say "no not tonight"

In a pub it's different, I don't have much in common with people that go there.

You Don't have to have anything in common with someone to have a conversation, sometimes meeting people you wouldn't normally associate with can open your mind to different things and views. it did sound quite snobbish

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 24/01/2015 15:42

I hated going for a casual drink in the pub I worked in BECAUSE I had to chat to all the regulars and couldn't actually talk to the person I went with, and also (I found anyway) you couldn't 'switch off' your work head - you felt obliged to be chatty, happy with your barstaff face on. Just say to her 'look I want to catch up, and I'd rather not go to the Red Lion I want to go to The Grape and Grain ' and if she moans just explain. She potentially doesn't realise she's doing it.

Original poster
FleurDeCassius · 24/01/2015 16:07

You Don't have to have anything in common with someone to have a conversation, sometimes meeting people you wouldn't normally associate with can open your mind to different things and views.

Well actually I went travelling by myself and worked to support myself. I once lived in a house with three Americans, one girl from China, one from Croatia, a guy from Macedonia.

I've worked in an immigration law firm in Los Angeles, I regularly dealt with clients from all over - Mexico, Korean etc

I became friends with some homeless people in LA and would buy them food/water and hang out with them.

So do not have me down as someone who is close minded and timid.

I can hold a conversation with most people.

OP posts:
TwatFaceBitch · 24/01/2015 16:15

Grin good for youGrin

QuintlessShadows · 24/01/2015 16:18

Next time she is booing your suggestions to go somewhere else just say "some other time perhaps then" and change the topic.

But know that being in THAT PUB, is more important than being with you.

Years ago, when my children were really small, and I was visiting my home town, the woman I regarded my best friend would respond to my invitation to come down for a chat and a cuppa (she was teetotal, and I had no childcare) "No, sorry, I might as well sit home and drink tea on my own then, as I want to go to "XYZ place". So, it was more important to her to go to various bars/pubs to chat to others, than actually spend time with me. I stopped inviting her. Now, in her fourties, she has calmed down a bit and is able to just pop around for a cuppa. You may have to wait a while!

AmIthatHot · 24/01/2015 16:19

I'm a bit confused by the difference between a bar and a pub.

So as a PP, Surly I think, said, in a bar, you circulate and chat to different people?

Not where I'm from Confused

QuintlessShadows · 24/01/2015 16:19

Incidentally, I was working in a pub in south east London when I was a 22 year old student. You could not drag me in there on my day off! 40-50 year old leery men seem to be the staple of some pubs.

AmIthatHot · 24/01/2015 16:19

I should have added YANBU.

Original poster
FleurDeCassius · 24/01/2015 16:25

I'm a bit confused by the difference between a bar and a pub.

Well a pub to me I would go in my jeans, most of the time there's no music, you just sit, chill, drink and chat. Generally gone to by people that live near it.

In a bar I would dress up, heels, dress - would just drink, probably dance etc

A bar in more night out, a pub is still a very low key night out.

OP posts:
Original poster
FleurDeCassius · 24/01/2015 16:27

good for you

Probably being sarcastic. Hard to tell without hearing your tone.

I'm making the point that you seem to be assuming that I would just think straight away - I have nothing in common with you so I won't bother speaking to you.

When you couldn't be further from the truth.

OP posts:
cigarsofthepharaoh · 24/01/2015 16:27

I totally agree with you. DP worked in our local bar for a few years and we always ended up there any night we went out. She'd talk to her colleagues, to her regular customers and just anyone she happened to know. I knew no one and didn't really want to talk to them (not because I'm a bitch, but because DP hadn't told them about our relationship so it would have been awkward).

I put up with it for ages and it used to cause resentment and arguments. And then I told her outright that I didn't want to go there anymore. We still went occasionally but I didn't mind so much because it wasn't every single time.

Just tell her you'd rather go somewhere else every so often - if you don't want to tell her why, just say you'd like some variety rather than same place every time.

And you definitely aren't at fault for not wanting to talk to random people just because your friend serves them drinks.

PtolemysNeedle · 24/01/2015 16:37

You and your friend want different things out of the meet ups. That's all. I have no idea why you have been jumped on.

It would annoy me to be in your position too.

TwatFaceBitch · 24/01/2015 16:38

What you said here In a pub it's different, I don't have much in common with people that go there. is what made me think other wise. But you have made it clear that it is otherwise. Fair enough. It was the huge cv that came with it, that made me chucklet. Not sarcastically.

As I said before tho, tell her no it won't hurt.

So to be clear YANBU Smile

Original poster
FleurDeCassius · 24/01/2015 16:40

Because you were attacking my character.

Defending myself without proof is pointless.

Glad you had a good chuckle at me.

OP posts: