About introducing people?

[cailindana]

AIBU to think that if you are a host and there are people in the room who don't know each other, it's your duty to introduce them?

I have been in a fair few situations in the last few years (house parties, children's parties with parents present, evening class type things) where no introductions were done. I find it really awkward, standing around not knowing everyone else's name. I always make a point of introducing myself and, if I'm "host," of introducing everyone who might not know each other. IMO it makes everything much more sociable. It immediately breaks the ice and gets people talking. In fact, I hosted a big party years ago involving many unconnected friends and many of them became friends at that event and are still friends to this day.

Am I odd? It seems very few other people do introductions.

I have to say I have very little patience with the whole "I'm shy so I'm not going to make any social effort but then whinge endlessly when no one talks to me" thing. I do get that some people are shy but I think you either have to tackle the shyness or accept that it will stand in the way of you socialising.

Roussette the same thing happens to me! I hate introducing people because I forget the names of people I know really well. I fully expect to forget the names of my own family members if I have to introduce them to anyone.

But I think a lot of these 'social conventions/basic manners' are considered a bit old fashioned these days

Maybe in your part of the world, Ragwort

Whatever the occasion or type of gathering, in my book the host introduces people to each other and says one or two things about them to give an 'in' for a bit of conversation.
For example, "Jill, this is Sarah, she's a teacher. Sarah, Jill has just come back from Spain." Then if they wish, the two can use this info to ask about the job or the holiday.
Of course, some people are perfectly capable of walking up to a stranger and introducing themselves, but it's much easier if the host does it. The host can also put similar people together. For instance, if she knows that two people in the room love gardening, a skilful host will do the honours and they can find common ground and maybe have an interesting chat.

It's hard work and requires a lot of tact and confidence to be a good host.
Maybe this is all very old-fashioned now, but it's how we've always done it.

I'm a shy person so I do get where you're coming from saying that introductions are hard, but still, I think YABU.

I think that when you arrive at a party and you don't know anyone, then the host should introduce you to someone/a group of people. And if you join a conversation at party, the person who knows you should introduce you if they know you don't know the other people. (But often, a person won't even know who you do and don't know at a party so you should be ready to introduce yourself anyway.) And even if the host doesn't do introductions when a guest arrives, it's probably just because they have a hundred other things on their mind (or are a bit pissed), and is not something to be judgmental about IMO. Especially if it's getting late and it's a big party which is in full swing, I don't think it's rude if the door is answered by some other guest and you don't end up even seeing the host til after you've introduced yourself to some people.

Beyond this, I think the guest has to fend for him or herself - the host can't be everywhere at once to make introductions. If there are 10 people who come to a party not knowing anyone, and they each speak to 10 people over the course of the evening that's 100 introductions. Clearly the host can't do them all! And the host has other things to do -- make drinks/food/clean up spills and if it's a kids party, watch over children. It would be ruder of the host to be constantly looking over the shoulder of the person they were talking to (or abandoning children at a birthday party!), on the lookout for an introduction that needed doing.

Bottom line: I think that if you go to a party where you know there are going to be people you don't know then you are going to have to go prepared to introduce yourself at some point. But fortunately it is expected that at a party you chat to new people, so starting conversations isn't weird like it would be at a bus stop! Remember, lots of people feel shy, so a lot of the time people will be delighted that you have been the one to go up to them.

So, I assume you just avoid all social and work situations then? I've covered that in my subsequent post BunBaker

For example, "Jill, this is Sarah, she's a teacher. Sarah, Jill has just come back from Spain." Then if they wish, the two can use this info to ask about the job or the holiday.

It's a kids party, "Stranger who is presumably Olivia's Dad, this is stranger who is presumably Thomas's Mum but might be the nanny or just some weirdo who wondered in at the same time and likes nicking jelly and squash", is about all most of the hosts know of the kids parties could manage.

I find that if I haven't been introduced, saying "Hi, I'm Olivia" will invariably result in others telling me who they are.

Although I agree with OP that introducing everyone is optimal, I have found myself in the position of remembering everyone's names except one and therefore felt unable to introduce any of them!

It can be embarrassing to forget a name but if it happens I tend to admit it and just say my brains gone numb and iIve forgotten your name. People dont usually mind.

Due to a hobby that involves going out and about most weekends and running a forum and training courses associated with it, I "know" a lot of people and they all know me as the organiser and therefore (I think) easier to remember my name. The problem is, I often cannot remember their names as I get a mental block - particularly as some of them have different user names to their real life name. It is excruciatingly embarrassing to bump into someone, chat (and I can remember everything about them but their name) and be unable to introduce them to whoever I am with at the time.

I think it is only polite to introduce people if you are talking in a group and some of them have not met before. I have said to my OH that if I don't introduce him immediately, then he must introduce himself as I can't remember their name, and hopefully the other person will do the same!

I am happy to introduce myself but will sometimes do so with sideways death ray stare at the host/common denominator (assuming a close enough relationship). It's rude not to introduce people. Fortunately, most of my friends cop on immediately, because it's usually an oversight. I don't understand how you can be talking to Jane, have John wander up to join in, and not think of saying 'Jane, do you know John? He works in XYZ. John, Jane and I met at ABC'.