to think it's ok doing what ever gets you through in terms of pregnancy and newborns

[jemima1988]

I had HG when I was pregnant I was in hospital 13 times in total it was horrible! when I could eat I ate what I fancied despite everything! I wasn't going to try and force something down thar wasn't going to stay.

now the cheeky monkey is here I again do what I need to to get by. I choose to breastfeed the past few nights my ds has woke me up 11-12 times a night between the hours of 21:30 and 08:00 if you do the math that's no sleep! so I've been keeping him in bed with me. I have followed all the safe Co sleeping guidelines and i am sick to death of hearing....

he will never be out of your bed now
you need to put him down and let him scream if he won't settle

your putting him in danger

your being selfish

AIBU to think you do what you do to get by? as long as it's safe?

I was judged for not wanting to breast feed pre-baby, I was judged for breast feeding past 6 weeks when she was finally born, the judging continued until she stopped at 16 months, judged for co-sleeping from 4 weeks, judged for using a sling, judged for putting her in 'boys clothes', for not insisting she eats food if she's not hungry, for not potty training her until she's ready.

You. Will. Be. Judged. For. Everything.
Motherhood seems to be open to public opinion, you'll hear 'rod for your own back' so many bloody times you'll want to scream.

Just do what works for you. I've apparently done everything wrong since day 1, yet I have a confident polite little 2 year old and that's all that matters to me.

Practise your responses when people comment and your shut-downs when people get rude and be confident in the knowledge that you're doing what works for your baby!

Opinions are like arseholes...everyone has one. For some reason, when it comes to pregnancy or babies people feel entitled to express their (usually unsolicited) opinions in a very forthright way when they probably wouldn't on other issues. I have never really figured out why that is

Some people also think that if you parent in a different way to them then you're judging or criticising their choices, so they get defensive and became judgy and critical themselves ...and the whole daft cycle of judgeyness carries on.

I would simply refuse to play that game. My response when someone tells me I'm doing something wrong is to smile sweetly and say "well, I realise X isn't for everyone but it works for us". Then change the subject. Anyone who doesn't take the (not very subtle) hint and persists is just plain rude. Most people back off at that point.

I never give advice to pregnant women/new mothers unless they ASK. If they do ask then the only advice I give is " do whatever you need to do to get some sleep". I stand by that. You're doing absolutely fine.

"to think it's ok doing what ever gets you through in terms of pregnancy and newborns"

YABU to think this, since it would encompass things like "I put whisky in my baby's bottle to help him sleep".

All the things you actually mention? YANBU to do them. But no, it's not okay to do "whatever gets you through" without the slightest consideration of whether it's safe or not. It's about your baby's best interests as well as yours.

I did what was necessary to get me through sometimes but by god, I often wished I hadn't. Ploughing miles with the pram in all weathers for example, because that was the only way DS1 would nap in the day. I didn't realise when I started them what little habits would come come to bite me on the butt. Fwiw I was always very anti co-sleeping and actually DC turned out to be great sleepers from an early age, maybe because they got so little contact once the lights went out!
Whatever suits one doesn't suit another however, and as long as you're doing your best that's all that matters.

dexterjamesmummy

DS is 19wks. Some nights he is in his crib, usually starts the night there and around 4am he sleeps with me. I'm too tired to battle him back to his crib then so I just cuddle him. He's happy, I'm happy. I don't tell anyone cod of all the judgyness.

I also had HG. Hospitalised only once thank goodness! But yes I ate what I fancied and again, stopped telling people. I had a set of answers that I wheeled out as they were 'acceptable' or normal and only my closest friends and family (and midwife) knew what was really going on!

Baby groups are the worst. Everyone is so judgy and so desperate to show how much better they are doing then you. It makes me sad.
I have my NCT friends and other mummy friends (have a 2.5 DD too) so I stick with them.

Do whatever you need to to survive I say. Dd goes to bed and sleeps all night now. I bf her to sleep til she was 18months, and fed her through the night til she was 1.
If I hear one more person say 'rod for your own back'... I'll tell them where to shove said rod

I co-slept with my 4 year old. He simply wasn't happy sleeping sol, so we just did what we needed to do to get through. I'm a big believer in making your own choices when it comes to newborns, because there are days and nights when, frankly, your own sanity and health have to come first; if you're so sleep-deprived you can't function, what use are you to any of your children?

If you need to co-sleep to survive, do it. If you need to move from breast to bottle, do it. If you need to put gin in baby's bottle, try very hard not to, but everything else is absolutely fine. If anyone offers you advice just smile calmly and carry on with your own routine.

Also, try and find a lovely, supportive and honest bunch of real-life mummy friends; ones who'll admit their day has gone to shit, that they fed their 4 year old cocopops three times that day because they just hadn't the energy for cooking and who enjoy a regular laugh at the expense of themselves and everyone around them. Those girls will save your sanity on frequent occasions.

And don't be afraid of saying you're having a rough day. Everyone is. They just don't want to be the first to admit it.

skylark are you being deliberately obtuse? I think we can all infer from the tone of the post, that the administration of alcohol to aid , or other blatantly harmful practices, is not what the OP wanted to discuss.

dexterjamesmommy I am so sorry for your loss there are no words