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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

anyone who trys to belittle someone for being vegetarian must have issues with themselves

67 replies

alittlethyme · 22/01/2015 14:03

I'm not really bothered, but there is a couple of people in my new job who constantly spout ignorant anti vegetarian stuff at me. Like "can't you eat cow if it just ate grass as its vegetarian" or "don't you want to eat this" while eating some food that looks and smells grim to me.

I think they are trying to be funny, but seriously its at best ignorant . are they threatened by what I eat? Why do they have issues with it?

Anyway would I be u to reply to these (very unhealthy) looking people that I feel good and like my healthy bmi?

OP posts:
kaykayred · 22/01/2015 14:58

There seems to be this sort of urban myth that all vegetarians are super smug arrogant bastards who judge others with open disdain for eating meat. Therefore, some non vegetarians will "get in there first" by goading the vegetarian. I do know a few super smug vegans that insist on ranting on about how inherently evil milk and eggs are, but even they, I'm sure, are not indicative of all vegans.

I was a vegetarian for years, and this would happen ALL the time. Sometimes if eating out with a group of people they just wouldn't notice you didn't get the steak, then you can relax. But if they do notice, or some idiot tells them, or they ask "why aren't you eating bacon, are you a vegetarian" then it's like a wall of dread. People seem to take it as a personal affront that you don't eat meat. The only time I ever talked about being vegetarian was when people insisted I explain my choices to them, which in itself is rude and irritating.

"Yeah I am vegetarian"
"Why?"
"Sorry?"
"Why are you a vegetarian?"
"do we really have to talk about this?"
"Jesus, I'm just ASKING. So why?"
"...because I love animals, and if I can survive by not eating them then that is my preference"
"So you're JUDGING ME?"
"....No, because it's a personal decision...."
"SO you think animals are equal to humans? That's so stupid"
"No...but I think they are still, you know, living things. I wouldn't want someone to eat me, so.."
"Do you eat meat substitutes?"
"Yes"
"SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL EAT MEAT"
"What? One is made out of mushrooms and the other is meat. How are they in any way the same?"
"If people aren't meat to eat meat then why do we have these teeth?"
"Er.....we can live off both types of diets just fine. We aren't biologically limited to just one type"
"So if someone said you had to eat meat or they would kill your mother what would you do" (Can I just mention how seriously FUCKING IRRITATING questions like this are?)
"I would obviously let them kill my mother"
"REALLY?"
"NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT OF COURSE I WOULDN'T WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU"

kaykayred · 22/01/2015 15:00

OP - If it's the same colleagues, the best way to deal with it is to never, ever mention your diet in any way shape or form. Don't mention any amazing tofu recipes, or your bake off, or ANYTHING that could prompt them.

If they do it of their own accord just say calmly but firmly "I'm getting pretty fucking tired of you taking the piss out of me simply because I choose to eat different foods to you. It's immature and irritating, and I ask that you stop it"

HairyOrk · 22/01/2015 15:03

I suspect the reason that a lot of people are so critical or defensive of vegetarians is because most of the ones they've met have been arrogant or smug about it.
Not that most veggies are smug - but you're more likely to know someone is a vegetarian if they are talking about it. I bet loads of people are vegetarians and few people notice.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 22/01/2015 15:12

I eat meat and have a healthy bmi and certainly don't look unhealthy. Your response to rudeness to is to be rude about them Hmm. I used to work with a vegetarian who had to let us know how sinful and disgusting we were for eating meat. None of us agreed with her so ignored her. You should do the same

Mamus · 22/01/2015 15:12

I'm a fat vegetarian so can't use the bmi retort. I find 'fuck off and eat your carcass quietly' works just fine.

RedToothBrush · 22/01/2015 15:18

Sod the popcorn for this thread.

gets out the bacon butties

I used to get 'mistaken' for a vegetarian ALL the time. Apparently I 'looked like one', whatever ever that means which tends to piss me off rather a lot. There is definitely stereotyping going on, but I don't think the OP really helps to break those either really

Lottapianos · 22/01/2015 15:19

'People seem to take it as a personal affront that you don't eat meat.'

This is so true. I gave up eating meat years ago and categorically did not make a fuss about it. I never mentioned it unless I was going to someone's house for dinner, and certainly did not go around berating anyone for what they chose to eat. Some people still acted as if I had sprouted an extra head. I went back to eating meat a couple of years ago but some people (my ILs mostly) are still convinced that I am a vegeterian, despite me telling them that I have never in my life been a vegetarian, not for one single day. And the endless questions about what you eat, what you don't and why why why are incredibly tedious.

HolyTerror · 22/01/2015 15:23

God, I get tired of the 'smug, evangelical vegetarians' straw man. I've been vegetarian for twenty years, so it's not something I tend to think of any more than I think of breathing the vast majority of the time, unless I'm actually in the process of looking at a menu. And I have zero desire to talk about it, having had too many witty 'How do you know carrots don't feel pain? huh? Huh?? Hahaha!' quips when I'm minding my own business eating my dinner.

And the only vegetarians I know who talk about it are the lapsed ones, who linger quite amusingly on the details of the fragrant bacon sandwich which finally undid them after thirty years. I'm not the High Priestess of the Meat-Free, so there's no need for indrawn breaths around the table - I'm not going to burst into tears at tales of lapsing, and neither is my stomach turned by sitting next to someone eating a rare steak. I grew up wringing chickens necks on a farm, and eating calves with names - I'm no fluffy 'Ickle bunny too cute to eat' veggie, and I'm almost certainly more okay with flesh and blood and the mechanics of turning Daisy into your dinner than someone who buys shrink-wrapped chicken breasts from Tesco.

BreakingDad77 · 22/01/2015 15:23

"Anyway would I be u to reply to these (very unhealthy) looking people that I feel good and like my healthy bmi?"

Well a recanted to me how they tried going vegan and then after some time one day on the underground, feeling exhausted and running their hands through their hair and clumps coming out that this diet wasn't for them.

You can be unhealthy and healthy on all kinds of diets.

I just get irritated by the veggies who smoke and moan about cattle ranching etc, hello - how much damage does the tobbacco industry do! Also veggies poop weighs more than meat eaters - so based on the polluter pays Grin

PlantCurtain · 22/01/2015 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlantCurtain · 22/01/2015 15:25

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BreconBeBuggered · 22/01/2015 15:30

Yes, you would BU to say something so twatty to these twatty people.

AnnieLobeseder · 22/01/2015 15:31

I feel your pain, OP. I'm vegetarian, have been for 20-odd years. And I've been hearing the same old jokes for all those 20-odd years. I really don't know why some people think it's hilarious to play "Taunt The Vegetarian", I really don't. Especially if, like me and probably like you, you just get on with it and eat your food without making any kind of fuss about it. The same old same old "but of course you can eat cows, they're vegetarian!", "I bet if I offered you a bacon sandwich you'd want to eat it", "are you sure you don't want some of this, it's delicious!" (waft gross meat under your nose) and the classic "if we're not meant to eat animals why are they made of meat?"

And each and every one of these jokers thinks they're the first person ever to tell the same tired jokes, and it doesn't occur to them that you're heard it 1,000,000 times before.

They are dicks. If it wasn't vegetarianism, they'd be teasing you about something else.

These days I just give a withering stare, and eye-roll and ignore.

Discopanda · 22/01/2015 15:41

What gets my goat as a veggie is that everyone says "you're about to tell me that meat is murder and preach your veggie ways, aren't you?!" erm, no. Yes, I PERSONALLY believe that I am healthier and happier not eating meat but it's my personal decision. Why does everybody feel a need to tell you that you HAVE to eat meat? FWIW, I don't think bacon smells enticing in the slightest, the smell of meat was a big factor in me giving it up because I don't blimming like it.

Discopanda · 22/01/2015 15:42

kaykayred I just realised that my post kind of cross posts with yours, but yours is funnier!

Hurr1cane · 22/01/2015 15:46

Hi Smile I'm a non smug vegetarian. To be quite honest I forget that I am one most of the time.

I eat processed crap and am pretty unhealthy in general, I'm only slim because I have to run around after my DS a lot.

If you don't like what they're doing then just tell them. To be honest though that wouldn't offend me.

bigbluestars · 22/01/2015 15:47

Perhaps because vegetarianism is often a moral stance not a health one.

I eat very little meat.Going out for a meal I will usually order a vegetarian option. I cook veggie food at home, if my OH cooks for me he will cook vegetarian.
But I do eat some meat, and won't get my knickers in a twist if some lamb or chicken ends up on my plate- I will happily eat it.

It's not the same as being coeliac or allergic to shellfish or intolerant to dairy- I think that is why it is so emotive.

EthelCardew · 22/01/2015 16:00

I got so bored of all the taunts and arguments, I decided to say, "I don't eat meat" instead of stating I'm vegetarian.

I was vegan for 5 years too and, by gum, got so much stick from OTHER VEGANS trying to out-vegan me, I dropped that label too.

I really find the, I'm healthier/more ethical/have a purer soul than you debate rather yawn-inducing.

OP, you'd be stooping to their level by saying what you suggested, just tell them quite seriously that it really doesn't bother you what they eat and you are fed up of them going on about it.

FightOrFlight · 22/01/2015 16:06

kaykayred

But what about if you were stranded on a desert island with a pig and no other source of food .....

That's the one that always gets me going WTF? How likely is it that I will ever be in that situation!

< insert obligatory 'mmmmm bacon' comment here >

I agree that there are lots of unhealthy and overweight veggies and vegans. If you live off a diet of crisps, chips and Oreos then you're not going to look or feel a picture of health.

A healthy, balanced diet is important whether you eat veggie, vegan or omni.

BubbleGirl01 · 22/01/2015 16:07

I am a fat, unhealthy vegetarian. My 'stance' is that I don't want to eat dead animals, simple as. When I have tried, I have images of cute furry/woolly things gambolling around green fields and just can't do it!

I would just say that eating dead things makes you feel sick, then ask them if they are 'animal lovers' and have doggies/pussy cats at home that they love like children and would they eat them too?

shovetheholly · 22/01/2015 16:17

I have occasionally had this. In my case, I have noticed that it often comes from people who are really quite weirdly attached to food in an emotional way, who couldn't contemplate in a million years going without meat because 'they enjoy it'.

Some people really believe that logic, or think that animals don't have feelings or that they can't feel fear, and fair enough. However, in a lot of cases, these comments often seem to come from a deep sense of discomfort with the hedonic logic that this implies. They will often be decent people with quite a strict sense of morality - though, as with most of us (myself included), this is more often activated when it comes to passing judgement on other people's behaviour than on their own! Also, they are not stupid so they see the problems with the defence that anything goes just because you happen to enjoy it!

Generally, people don't like the logic of applying morality to food in particular or consumption in general, not because they disagree with it but because their whole moral code would lead them to agree - but that would be awkward and demand that they take responsibility/make choices. Vegetarianism kind of challenges that, even if you never mention it except when you absolutely have to (e.g. work meals). I get how that feels - I have a friend who told me off for buying something with palm oil in it, and I got really defensive about it at first (inside) - because I totally knew she was right and that I should walk to another shop to buy an alternative that didn't contain it, and to be honest I felt guilty and ashamed that I hadn't considered it. She was right, but I didn't want to acknowledge it.

The positive thing is that sometimes this openness means that if you actually react calmly and in a friendly way, without being horrible, judgy or sanctimonious, you can actually get an audience for a meat-free diet and even convince some people to cut down or go meat-free! Not ramming it down people's throats so that you earn their trust is important, though.

bigbluestars · 22/01/2015 16:18

bubble- is it onlt cute fluffy animals you don't eat- or do you avoid the ugly ones too?

hoobypickypicky · 22/01/2015 16:26

"Your interest in my diet is unnatural and unwelcome".

Then ignore, ignore, ignore. Turn your back, walk away, stare coldly and raise an eyebrow without saying a word, do it however you like but don't give them any opportunity to continue the 'conversation'.

EthelCardew · 22/01/2015 16:54

^Perfect response, hoobypickypicky

MondayNext · 22/01/2015 17:01

Wow, I think you've demonstrated that it's a sensitive subject, OP! Sounds like most of your obnoxious colleagues are on this thread Grin