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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that my DD has not received a party invite

26 replies

Donatello68 · 21/01/2015 21:41

One of my 9 yo DD's school friends has sent out a party invite to the whole year at school and has left her out. She said that she ran out of printer paper but that my DD is invited. I have said that my DD can't go without an invite. The mother concerned is always asking me for lifts for her daugher as she lives locally despite having a nanny, au pair, cleaner, gardener etc and doesn't work while I am a single working mum. Only last Weds she asked me to bring her daughter back from a school concert. One of the other girls in DD's class texted DD a photo of the invite which seemed a mean thing to do too. I am not aware of DD being nasty to this girl or being in trouble. AIBU?

OP posts:

Madeyemoodysmum · 21/01/2015 21:46

That seem odd. If you know the mum well I'd just ask her or say dd can't find invite or something.

I'm sure its a misunsderstanding. If it isn't then no more favours!

WipsGlitter · 21/01/2015 21:48

If you're sure it's really everyone then contact the mum.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 21/01/2015 21:48

Who said she's invited, the girl or her mum?

JohnCusacksWife · 21/01/2015 21:49

Save yourself hours of angst and just ask the mum!

AnyoneforTurps · 21/01/2015 21:50

Are you sure that the classmate didn't text a picture of the invite out of kindness, so your DD would have one? She is only 9 so may not realise that, in adult eyes, this isn't the same as being given one by the host mother. Why assume it was done out of malice?

Original poster

Donatello68 · 21/01/2015 21:50

The girl has said that DD's invited. The mother is difficult to speak to and goes hot and cold.

OP posts:

FamilyAdventure · 21/01/2015 21:50

I think you have to ask. If the daughter has invited your DD verbally, it's not unreasonable to clarify.

If you and mum are close(ish) and the girls are good friends then it is possible that they did run out of paper and didn't give an invitation to the person they could most easily invite verbally IYSWIM

helensburgh · 21/01/2015 21:52

I think you need to ask, but if a " not bothered" sort of way.

The only thing that surprises me if 9 year olds texting!.,

Viviennemary · 21/01/2015 21:52

I think you will just have to ask. I know you won't want to but it's the only way. And you do know the Mum and she does ask you for favours so you shouldn't feel bad about asking. If she's invited the whole class and missed out your DD that's very wrong.

Littleturkish · 21/01/2015 21:55

Of course you have to ask, you have a responsibility to your daughter to step in and sort this out before it escalates.

Just ask her!

bobinks · 21/01/2015 21:56

Have you asked your DD what she wants to do - are they close friends? If your DD wants to go and she has a verbal invite then I'd let her and don't worry about the lack of paper invite. If your DD doesn't want to go, respect that too and play it down. I'd make up a few reasons not to do the favours for this mum for a few weeks - sounds like she might be taking you for granted. And just keep an eye out for escalating mean behaviour - a one off thing like the text is forgivable at this age but not if it becomes regular. Have you told the girl's mum about the text? If it were my child sending a text like that I'd want to know so I could talk to my kid about it and let them know it wasn't a nice thing to do. I'd probably make them say sorry to your DD too, if it upset her.

Smartiepants79 · 21/01/2015 21:57

Just ask her.
"Oh by the way, your Dd has said my DD is invited to her birthday but she's had no invite. I thought I'd better just check...."

attheendoftheday · 21/01/2015 21:59

I think you have to ask. I'd go for a "Your dd has said to my dd she's been invited but I couldn't find an invite so I wanted to check."

Original poster

Donatello68 · 21/01/2015 22:00

This girl has previously Facetimed my DD whilst at a party that my DD was not invited to (there were only about 6 girls at the party) to say what a great time they were all having. Lovely child!!

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 21/01/2015 22:00

Ask the mum what's going on because I highly doubt that the 'entire' school year has been invited excluding one child.

AnyoneforTurps · 21/01/2015 22:05

This girl has previously Facetimed my DD whilst at a party that my DD was not invited..to say what a great time they were all having

That is mean - I can see why you dislike her.

CrapBag · 21/01/2015 22:08

So this child is a bit of a brat, the mother is difficult, why do you do her favours again?

Given the facetime incident, I wouldn't take this girls word for it that your DD is invited. You are going to have to speak to the mum for your dds sake.

Original poster

Donatello68 · 21/01/2015 22:09

Thank you for all your advice!! DD is invited - mother wasn't home last night to oversee invitation writing. Phew! Panic over... Thanks again.

OP posts:

AnyoneforTurps · 21/01/2015 22:09

crapbag The mean girl who sent the text is not the girl who is having the party.

Italiangreyhound · 21/01/2015 22:09

Donatello68 please ask the mum, however hard she is to get hold of, please do it and once you know she is invited and you have the details just proceed as if you had been given an invite. The printer running out is reasonable although in this day and age she could email or text the details to you.

I am sure you feel cross and maybe this woman has been unreasonable in asking for favours from you but IMHO on this occasion the most important thing is for your daughter not to be left out and not to feel left out.

I would take up any issues about other favours at a later date. I am not saying you were going to now, but I would leave all that out and just say her dd had told your dd she is invited but you don't have the details yet.

I would totally take the other child texting a picture as being a favour not a snub.

Italiangreyhound · 21/01/2015 22:11

Oopse, cross posted, sorry I did not see your update! Ignore me!

MrsTawdry · 21/01/2015 22:11

Oh good! Similar happened to my Dd When a little lad asked her to his party...the invitation was scribbled on scrap paper! I had to check it was real and his Mum assured me it was ....she had let him "design his own" I thought maybe he'd been told only to ask a certain amount and was sneaking an extra in!

Original poster

Donatello68 · 21/01/2015 22:11

Sorry to clarify - 'party child' is nice - 'friend of party child' is evil FT- ing one!

OP posts:

CrapBag · 21/01/2015 22:13

Ah I get it. So that text was deliberate because she knew your DD didn't have an invite! What a little cow!

Glad it's all cleared up though.

fallon8 · 21/01/2015 22:33

Think of the money you will save...and no chance of a court case.consider it a bkessing

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