AIBU to be feeling totally overwhelmed with DC3?

[Purpledaisy3]

Ok, totally self-pitying and 1st world problem post warning.

I've got 3 children, 2 from a previous relationship and a 6mo with my OH.

OH got a new job shortly before I concieved. He earns good money but he works really long hours, he leaves around 7:30am and is back anything from 7:30 to 9pm, and even then there's occasionally weekends, nights away and he's answering calls and e-mails at home (he has contacts in China so the e-mail 'pings' start at 3am). When he gets home he's exhausted so eats dinner, watches some tv and goes to bed before starting again tomorrow.

I'm finding it really hard to balance the needs of my older children (eldest is a hormonal teenage girl, middle has behavioural issues), looking after a baby, keeping a house clean, etc. In addition to this I've been trying to set up a small business and I'm starting to think about going back to work and I'm panicing about childcare (neither of us has any family in a 40mile radius). As I type I'm getting more wound up that there's a huge pile of ironing that I should be doing and I'll be late starting cooking if I don't get it done because baby will want to breastfeed beforehand, the bathroom is a mess and the dog still hasn't been walked, etc. How is this going to work around a full time job? OH has suggested that if/when I go back to work I could go part time, but TBH I really miss my work and am a bit upset that he's so dismissive of my contibution to the household.

OK I know I need to seriously get a grip, and that I'm being really selfish because I'm aware other people have it way harder than me and overall we have a relatively comfortable lifestyle, but it's all just really getting me down now and I don't feel like I'm enjoying being a mum or looking forward to anything at all. AIBU or do you think I'm going a bit PND?

I stopped ironing when DC1 was born (12 years ago!). DH wears these things called "non-iron" shirts from M&S - brilliant they are. He also irons his own stuff if it needs it.

I thin he needs to be left with the baby for a whole day and make sure you don" t hoover, cook anything, shop for him. Book yourself a day spa somewhere and go. He is clueless about how bloody lonely and knackering being with a small is. Also, start researching nurseries or local CM so you can go back to work. Even if your salary only covers the fees, an ironing lady and food bill then it is still worth it over the longer term. He's running away because he can.

Having dc3 is overwhelming and a bigger adjustment than number 2. My dc is 6 now and it's only in the last year I feel calm and in control. Dh has a similarly demanding job but when the first two were little he would be home quite early to help. You should absolutely get someone to do your ironing and frankly you should get a cleaner in now and again. You deserve some help. Also I don't think suggesting you get a part time job is minimising your contribution but quite the opposite. Your dh understands you do a lot for the family at home. Tbh I have been a SAHM since dc3 because my dh's job means I can't rely on any help from him. In the last two weeks he's been in the UK for a day and a half.