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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I have a right to privacy?

15 replies

Blackout234 · 21/01/2015 14:08

As some MNetters will know, due to DV in my relationship i had to leave and come to my mothers house, I'm 24 weeks pregnant.
Anyhow, I was just sat at the table on my laptop surfing through facebook, I got a message and it made that weird "Ding" sound. my mother stuck her face over my shoulder and went "Oh who's jamie?" (Made up name). I told her to mind her own and closed my laptop lid. she does this often, More so with my iPod, I have a few chat apps on it and sometimes acquaintances or old friends will message me on kik and the like to see how im doing. If I leave my iPod on the kitchen unit for example my mother will go "Who's dan? who's beth? who's john? who's luke? Where did you meet john? why are you talking to john? are you dating john? do you like john? is he single?"
suspect I am being unreasonable, but is there not a fine line between showing an interest and downright snooping? don't want to drip feed, but I think it stems from a few years back when I lost my first rented house (Floods across south wales) and had to move in for a few months and found her going through my facebook messages, iPod, laptop and phone.

OP posts:
kaykayred · 21/01/2015 14:11

From the example you gave, I think you are overreacting. But it's more understandable given the backstory.

I think a lot of people do the whole "Who was it? Whose Bob? Are you dating Bob?" thing.

Maybe it might be worth sitting down with her, and asking her to give you a bit of space regarding who you are in contact with? Could it be that she is worried you are being "won back" by your ex, and she wants to avoid that from happening? Could it be she is desperate for you to meet someone else to "distract" you from your ex?

Likewise, did you ever discuss with her why she was snooping through your personal messages all that time ago? Was this when you were already in your difficult relationship?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2015 14:12

Lock all your devices, turn the sound down on the notification and do one of two things based on your relationship...

  1. Hmm, what.... no one.
  1. He's my hand-gliding teacher/bodyguard/other stupid job.
Blackout234 · 21/01/2015 14:16

Kay- No never really been discussed as bringing up the past with my mother tends to cause bad feeling and she sometimes twists it back on me. I was in my "Difficult" relationship then yes but there was no "difficulty" IFYSWIM, He hit me once and I left, that was a week ago, years ago no one would have forseen that so nothing to do with it really!

OP posts:
InfinitySeven · 21/01/2015 14:18

Turn your notifications off, they only irritate everyone else :)

Then come up with really stupid answers if she continues to spy over your shoulder. The more ridiculous the better, but keep a straight face. Wait until she clocks on.

Blackout234 · 21/01/2015 14:22

I dont get audio notifications on my ipod only on my laptop (Which I keep on in case im using another tab so i know someone has messaged me) i guess im being U to have notifications on ;) I feel a little bit... violated(not sure if thats a bit extreme but you get the point) and like a 12 year old using the internet for the first time.

OP posts:
Blackout234 · 21/01/2015 14:22

Although I will use the suggestion of hand gliding instructor and body guard ;P

OP posts:
kaykayred · 21/01/2015 14:26

"He is the milk tray man"

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2015 14:35

If you turn the sound down on the iPhone you get vibrate notifications.

kaykayred · 21/01/2015 14:42

You can switch off the vibrate mode!

hestialou · 21/01/2015 15:18

Shes obviously worried, talk to your mum, shes got life experience and your best interests at heart xx

ghostyslovesheep · 21/01/2015 15:21

More drama!

Sorry x turn the sound down and don't use FB etc in communal spaces if you want privacy go somewhere private

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2015 15:56

kay I was suggesting that if the OP wanted to know she'd had a text without her DM knowing, vibrate was a good idea...

CrystalHaze · 21/01/2015 16:01

It's probably irritating to you, but given your recent life events I don't blame her for being protective and wanting to know who is contacting you. Aside from your ex, you've had a stranger turn up at your door and intimidate you about mis-delivered cards and try to lure you into his car.

It's fair enough that she wants to keep tabs on what's happening in your life, given recent events.

ghostyslovesheep · 21/01/2015 16:08

what did happen over the £40 birthday money?

Onetwothreetherewego · 21/01/2015 16:37

Not have a good run of 'luck' at the moment are you Blackout, maybe thats to do with your pregnancy jumping 6 weeks in less than 4 real weeks or could it be that the house you had been living in was a crime scene or could it be that you are now nearly 20 and are not going to be a teenage mum!

I have reported on a previous thread so I'm not troll hunting - mumsnet HQ say that you are on their radar (what exactly does that mean?!) - just sad that someone seems to have so little going on in their lives that they continue to start thread after thread after thread with stuff that wouldn't happen to most people a lifetime let alone 4 weeks!

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