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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To actually feel sorry for Louise Gray?

59 replies

lbsjob87 · 20/01/2015 21:59

This is the lady I mean:
www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/jan/19/7-july-2005-widow-louise-gray-jailed-stealing-sons-compensation

This story just makes me really sad, yes, she stole the money, and obviously that was wrong, but it seems to me that she could have been given a suspended sentence or something.

Now, her 3 year old is growing up without her, which seems unfair, as it says she realised she was wrong and tried to pay it back but was refused.

It just seems so tragic that the family has been ripped apart twice, the first time by violence, the second by greed/naïveté/stupity/anger.

Or maybe she deserves all she gets, I dunno, I might be going soft in my old age.

OP posts:
Bakeoffcakes · 20/01/2015 23:06

I agreed with you OP when I first heard about this, but that was before I knew she'd already got £250,000 for herself and that her son agrees with the sentence.

I feel so sorry for the son and everything he's been through.

MurielWoods · 20/01/2015 23:06

She risked the welfare and security of one child (her 3 year old) in order to deceive and steal from her son.

Utterly horrible thing to do. I feel so sorry for her son Sad

FightOrFlight · 20/01/2015 23:06

£2700 a month in London isn't a huge amount in fairness.

That's on top of whatever benefits she was receiving (child benefits, tax credit etc.) assuming that her partner wasn't working/living with her or paying maintenance.

If she couldn't afford to live in London then perhaps she should have considered moving somewhere cheaper before dipping into her child's money.

FightOrFlight · 20/01/2015 23:10

Bollocks, I assumed she lived in London because of previous PP's comment! That makes it even fecking worse.

FightOrFlight · 20/01/2015 23:16

"Michael Crisp, prosecuting counsel, told the court that when Adam later asked for his money, his mother had claimed she had a tumour.

He said: "The health fears she expressed in texts were unfounded and emotional blackmail."

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-30880667

Yes, my sympathy bucket is overflowing for her ....

GoringBit · 20/01/2015 23:19

She must have known he'd find out, she must have known that doing so would be incredibly upsetting, and she must have known that it would probably affect the rest of his life. And yet she still did it. Appalling. And I've no doubt that he'll be coping with the after-effects of this long after she gets out of prison.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 20/01/2015 23:42

Did she steal it from her bereaved son after receiving quarter of a millions pounds though?

No, from her workplace.

Micah · 20/01/2015 23:47

She had lost her husband. Grief can do funny things.

My mum probably went through a similar amount in the years following my dads death. Just stupid, bad decisions. My dad had done all the finances, and she just kept living as if we still had his income.

So until I meet her personally, I'll reserve judgement.

notonyourninny · 20/01/2015 23:48

No I don't. I feel sorry for her children especially the son she stole frim and the little one.

FightOrFlight · 20/01/2015 23:51

No, from her workplace.

Not excusing theft under any circumstances but most companies will have crime insurance in place and will get the money back. Adam won't. Also the level of betrayal in stealing from work vs stealing from your son is very different.

FightOrFlight · 20/01/2015 23:56

How much did your mum steal from you Micah? because that's the issue here, not continuing to live in the manner you have been accustomed to.

YesAnastasia · 21/01/2015 09:57

My children have piggy banks & I 'borrow' from that all the time when I don't have cash on me. I intend to keep a mental note for when we're next in Toys'r'us or on holiday & I'm think it balances out but maybe it doesn't. Perhaps some would say I'm stealing from my children.

Perhaps her situation was like that on a bigger scale, bit by bit. "I just need £150 from there then I'll replace it" etc etc. It's bad & immature handling of money but prison? Surely it's about intent.

People always get higher sentences for money related offences & I never understand it. My PIL thought that that man who stole people's money through an investment/pyramid thing a few years ago should get the same sentence as a murderer.

flipchart · 21/01/2015 10:02

yes but she wasn't buying things she needed. She was being greedy.
This isn't about 'borrowing' the children's pocket money to pay for the school dinners that week, this is about buying luxuries.

hauntedhenry · 21/01/2015 10:08

I don't feel sorry for her at all. It's 43,000 fgs, not a couple of quid from a piggy bank!
Poor Adam Sad

differentnameforthis · 21/01/2015 10:16

Erm...she spent a quater of a million of her own money and then started spending her sons. No sympathy what so ever.

Greed, pure and simple

breakingHead · 21/01/2015 10:17

£2700 a month in London isn't a huge amount in fairness.

As a born and bred Londoner I have to say, it may not be a huge amount, but lots of people get by on a lot less. She could have lived comfortably on that without resorting to theft.

PureMorning · 21/01/2015 10:20

Diddums!

She stole. From her son.

Having small children shouldnt exempt you from being punished.

StarsOfTrackAndField · 21/01/2015 10:37

Erm she lived in Ipswich.

differentnameforthis · 21/01/2015 10:39

yes she spent her own money on cars and holidays. not on essentials. I have had to borrow the odd $20 from my girls account to stop going overdrawn, but it us always put back, and happens 2/3 times a yr. so I get what you are saying.

This is very different.

I also don't get the grieving excuse, yes frutter away your own compo because your grief is unbearable, but there is a line.

I am grieving for the first time in my life, and no amount of spending any money will stop it, let alone digging into money that belongs to my children.

User24689 · 21/01/2015 10:50

What I don't get with this story is that Adam was awarded £50,000 compensation but his younger sister was given £100,000. Just curious as to why that would happen?

Rebecca2014 · 21/01/2015 10:55

I feel sorry for Adam. I wonder if she touched his sister money? it sounds like she left hers alone so that makes you wonder too what sort mother she was to her son.

I think the sister got more as she was younger?

YesAnastasia · 21/01/2015 10:56

I am grieving for the first time in my life, and no amount of spending any money will stop it, let alone digging into money that belongs to my children.

Sorry to hear that, I hope you're getting a little comfort from something Flowers

I know it's bad but I agree with the OP, I feel a bit sorry for her. I can feel sympathy for almost everyone if I think about it for long enough.

Poledra · 21/01/2015 10:58

What I don't get with this story is that Adam was awarded £50,000 compensation but his younger sister was given £100,000. Just curious as to why that would happen?

I would guess that the money was to compensate them for the loss of their father, with an emphasis placed on their childhood years. So, the daughter lost more years with her father than her older brother did, thus losing more of her relationship with him, so her compensation is higher. Am not a lawyer, though, so am just surmising.

differentnameforthis · 21/01/2015 11:00

Thank you, yes

skylark2 · 21/01/2015 11:01

YesAnastasia, maybe you should try what I've done in that situation - replace the money in your kid's money box with a "mum owes you £10" note. Then it can't get forgotten.