To think Relate might save us?

[Sussexbelle73]

My relationship with DP is in total meltdown- we can't talk without arguing, don't have sex, barely share a bed these days. Most days I want to scream at him and generally can't bear to be in the same room as him. I feel lonely, unsupported and like I am going through the motions. I am miserable and pretty sure he is too. Its affecting our 2 DCs too.
He has agreed to relate but part of me wants to go just to get some support to end it but I also feel like we need try for the kids.

AIBU to think Relate might save us? I am pinning my hopes on it!

We have accessed couples counselling and found it helpful but (forgive me) I really do love DH; it's just his behaviour was awful.

He accepted he needs to change which is a start I think ... It sounds like you just don't want to be with your dp.

Sorry to hear you're having such an awful time of things at the moment. I know that Relate counselling has helped a lot of people I've met. I think whether you decide to stay together or separate you are still going to be parents to your DC and improving the communication and relationship, even if that turns into one of co-parents rather than partners, will be worthwhile.

Sometimes people seek therapy because they need the therapist to give them 'permision ' to do the thing they know they need to do - it sounds like this applies to your situation? that's not a 'bad' reason to seek help and it can make the decision to leave easier for you, although it will become clear pretty quickly if you aren't properly engaging with the process and are just going through the motions.

I tried relate but ultimately realised there was no relationship. It was solely "for the children".
If the children are your only motivation and this isn't for the relationship itself then progress is difficult.
Being open to counselling is good. But you do need to be very reflective. What do you want? Is this you wanting to reslove disputes constructively or hoping for a personality transplant for one or both of you? Counselling will not change you, just give you tools to change behaviours.
Best of luck with your future as a family, whatever path that is for you.

Perhaps you need to go into the sessions, not hoping that it will "save" the relationship but that it will give you the tools to move forward in your lives. This may mean going forward as a couple, or it may mean separating and going forward into a new chapter of your lives. Right now you are stuck in this rut, feeling lonely and unsupported. You are both unhappy with the current situation so something needs to change. It may be that Relate helps you work things out or that it helps you to reach a decision to end the relationship. Whatever the outcome, can it be any worse than staying as you are now?