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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to pull DS from music class

18 replies

BouleSheet · 20/01/2015 15:59

as far as I know music is part of the curriculum - in this case it consists of one or two afternoons a week where the class do singing in preparation for an easter concert. The teacher is new (two years in the school) and DS (10) comes home from school upset (crying today) every time. The teacher seems to throw her weight around picking on the students and making unnecessary comments on their attitude (based on their facial expressions or posture as they cannot talk in class). DS really hates this teacher and in 7 years of school has never had such a problem with a teacher before. She is an old fashioned sort of teacher from what I can tell - changing her mind at random and contradicting herself often. DS has never been this upset about anything before - doesn't always love school/teachers but accepts that he must get on with it.
Anyway would it be being precious to ask for DS to be exempt from music class? He dreads the days dealing with this teacher and I'm afraid the alternative will be for him to tackle the teacher himself in which case she will probably tell him to sit down and shut up (happened other students) and I'm afraid it will escalate. Other parents have complained about this teacher before but I just want this twice-weekly upset to stop.
So WIBU to pull DS from music class?

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 20/01/2015 16:02

I'm not sure you can pull him out, what would they do with him instead.

Original poster
BouleSheet · 20/01/2015 16:03

He could sit and read a book at the back of the class but have no interaction with this teacher.

OP posts:
SunnySomer · 20/01/2015 16:07

What are you proposing he does during this lesson? Who are you suggesting will be responsible for him?
If there are issues with the teacher you need to go to either your DS's class teacher or the head teacher with specific examples and say why it's an issue. Ie that he is upset and why. They will not this is not normal for him, and should also be aware of other chikdrens' problems with the teacher, and if appropriate should provide support and development to help her improve her classroom skills.

19lottie82 · 20/01/2015 16:08

surely there are other methods you can attempt to get the situation improved / resolved, before pulling your child out of class. have you spoken to the school?

tbh we all need to deal with people who are arseholes, I don't like my boss, but I don't just walk out of my job, I need to suck it up

morethanpotatoprints · 20/01/2015 16:08

So would he not feel left out of the Easter concert and who would be responsible for him?
The teacher would be busy with the singers and class as a whole.
Who would set him work to do?

you could ask if he comes out of school for that lesson and you take him home or somewhere else for the duration of the lesson, not sure how that would work with attendance figures though

SunnySomer · 20/01/2015 16:10

Sorry - meant they will know this is not normal for him.
Him being allowed to sit and read will (should) be unacceptable to the school as it totally undermines the teacher (whatever she is like or your son thinks of her, the school would be mad to undermine her in front of the children)

kaykayred · 20/01/2015 16:13

It would be much more productive if you made a formal complaint to the school about the teacher's behaviour.

Also, it would be more effective if you went with a few other parents and made a joint complaint. Otherwise the school COULD fob you off by saying "no-one else" had complained.

You could make a clear point about bullying not being acceptable in the classroom in this day and age, and you would be interested what Ofsted has to make about the way this teacher is viewed by students.

Simply withdrawing your child from the class would come across as very precious I'm afraid. If this teacher isn't good enough for your child, then they certainly aren't good enough for other people's.

SomewhereIBelong · 20/01/2015 16:14

Speak to the head if there is a big problem, but not every teacher has to like every child, some will feel more upset about this than others - it will give him experience for secondary.

I would not ask for him to be excused from music - If there is a problem, you address it, you don't withdraw from it.

MonstrousRatbag · 20/01/2015 16:15

Sorry, I think that's a cop-out. Either she's justified, in which case your son needs to behave better, or she isn't, in which case you've got to take up the cudgels for him and find out what on earth she thinks she's playing at.

Sprinkfest · 20/01/2015 16:19

Oh ffs make an appointment to see the teacher and let her know your son is coming home in tears. Find a solution together.

If you do not get satisfaction, take it to the head.

Your solution teaches your son to run away from/avoid problems, which is a natural instinct but a poor life lesson.

I'm sorry he's being upset this way and hope it works out.

DoJo · 20/01/2015 16:22

It wouldn't so much be precious as pointless - why would withdrawing him from the class be your first approach? Surely speaking to the school about the situation would be the sensible thing to do.

Blu · 20/01/2015 16:24

I can't imagine a situation in which a teacher or school would allow a child to sit at the back, reading and not taking part or interacting in the lesson because they are not happy with the teacher.

Half of the job a teacher has in classroom control is precisely not allowing children to sit at the back doing something else!!

Talk to the class teacher or the Head and discuss your child's reaction to the things he is witnessing.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 20/01/2015 16:29

Would you pull him out if it was maths not music? You need to address this with the teacher (or perhaps form teacher) and escalate if no improvement.

browneyedgirl86 · 20/01/2015 16:33

Yabu. Talk to the teacher concerned. You can't just pull your child out of a lesson.

morethanpotatoprints · 20/01/2015 16:48

It sounds like she is trying to get the best out of the children if she is talking about facial expression and posture. Two very essential skills in singing.
I'm not surprised she would tell them to be quiet and sit down if they are challenging her authority (tackling it themselves)
Some children think it is ok to do this in a subject like music, drama, art etc.

Go and see your child's class teacher and ask what is going on and ditto to asking other complaining parents to accompany you.

WooWooOwl · 20/01/2015 17:43

You can't just pull your child out of a music lesson at school, and I'm amazed that you think there's even the tiniest possibility that that would be reasonable.

This teacher is not new if she's been at the school for two years.

Complain if you think you have grounds to, but you haven't said anything specific that she's done wrong, she just sounds strict and a bit grumpy. I thought having at least on teacher like that was almost a right of passage. Perhaps you need to tell your son to be compliant and behave the way the teacher expects him to in a lesson rather than giving him the impression that he's something special and deserves to be exempt from a lesson while the rest of his classmates have to get on with it.

ilovechristmas1 · 20/01/2015 18:09

Would you pull him out if it was maths not music?

this

ChocLover2015 · 20/01/2015 18:19

You can't do that.If you delgate his education to a school, then it is up to 'THE EDUCATION SYSYEM' to decide what to teach him.You don't get to cherry pick.I would arrange a meeting with theb school and see if you can get to the bottom of what is going on.

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