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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to vent about comments on my pg bump here...

46 replies

guinnessgirl · 20/01/2015 13:44

... so I don't give the next rl commenter a smack?

I am 18wks pg and already looking bloody huge quite large due to the fact that my abdominal muscles separated when I was pg with DS and never fully recovered, so this time round my belly is ballooning at a frankly alarming rate. I am feeling a bit sensitive about it as I'm worried about potential long term damage, being so big already and getting sore and having to take extra care re lifting, exercise etc. I'm only 18wks FFS, how bad will it be by the time I'm full term?!

Unfortunately it seems that the world and his wife think it's OK to make comments about my growing bump expressing disbelief that I'm so big already, am I sure there's just one in there, gosh you're huge, are you REALLY only 18wks, etc etc. I'm already worried and feeling like a big fat lump so these comments are really not helping!

And yes, before anyone says it, I KNOW every person who comments probably means well, wanting to make conversation, trying to make light of it, blah blah blah. I know this, which is why I haven't been rude or short with anyone yet. But AIBU to think that if you want to make a comment, you don't point out to a probably hormonal and quite likely a bit insecure pg women how huge she is? Rude, no?

OP posts:

Felyne · 21/01/2015 09:57

I tried a deadpan answer of "Uh, I'm not pregnant" a couple of times just to watch them squirm in embarassment and confusion. (I very obviously was pregnant rather than anything else)

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 21/01/2015 11:32

Actually, I just remembered so twat I worked with making lots of comments about my weight during my pregnancy, horrid comments.

Why didnt I knock the twat out.

NoImSpartacus · 21/01/2015 11:42

YABU. Commenting on the bump that is carrying a growing baby is NOT the same as saying "gosh aren't you fat". You just can't win with some pregnant women, they are SO bleedin precious.

TiedUpWithString · 21/01/2015 12:00

OP, I empathise. My mother told me very gravely when I was 14 weeks that my bump was excessively big and I must be carrying a very large boy.

I also got told I was waddling at work by a man with a beer belly bigger than my pg one. I replied- at least this bump will go very quickly. You on the other hand have a lot of work to do on yours. What's your excuse? Shut him up. .

DD was born 5.5lbs.

mupperoon · 21/01/2015 12:05

My dad phoned to ask me whether I'd had the baby for the nth time about a week before my due date. When I said no, slightly huffily, he said "oh come on mupperoon, you're the size of a barrage balloon". Thanks Dad!

Unfortunately my real name does not rhyme with balloon.

Original poster

guinnessgirl · 21/01/2015 13:47

Tiedup, that is an amazing riposte. Well done!

and to the posters saying that people are just trying to make conversation - the old maxim of 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' springs to mind. Honestly, if the only contribution someone can make is a comment including the words 'huge', 'massive' or 'enormous', they'd do better saying nothing. It's not rocket science

OP posts:

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 21/01/2015 13:54

In my case, someone saying to me, "Dont stand on the end of the jetbridge, you might break it," Is implying he thinks I was fat. This was during my pregnancy.

daisychain01 · 21/01/2015 15:39

I think it calls for desperate measures - a laminated sign saying

"You mention my bump, I smasher-yer face"

YADDDNBU - why can't people talk about the colour-scheme in the new lo's nursery or something, is it that difficult ???

daisychain01 · 21/01/2015 15:41

The Paddington-bear stare is another option

Blackout234 · 21/01/2015 16:06

I'm 24weeks and look like a whale. about 5 people have said "aww its lovely you'll have a winter baby!" I'm due in September..... another said "awww you'll have her before you're 20!" i'm 20 in 3 weeks D:

Blackout234 · 21/01/2015 16:11

FYI I'm not actually due in Sept, Just said it as being due in september would've made me about 6 weeks (Which had the desired effect and made them squirm) XD

FarFromAnyRoad · 21/01/2015 16:15

Perhaps all well meaning/interested/people who don't get much chance for a conversation/nostalgic/any combination of the above should all just STFU forever more and never dare to make conversation with a pregnant woman. Every time I read these threads on here with someone hopping mad because someone dared make small talk with them it determines me further to never ever engage in conversation with anyone who might be expecting. The tone of your OP manages to convey your belief that everyone speaking to you is some kind of evil-wishing anti-Christ.

TheBooMonster · 21/01/2015 16:18

I find the endless comments about the bump quite intrusive. No one looks at me and thinks it's ok to say "jeez your boobs / bum / eyes are small" and yet, everyone comments on the bump. This time round I'm already bigger than I was when I delivered DD (had IUGR with her) so I tend to point that out to anyone daring to say I'm small. Could have hugged a woman at tumble tots though who looked at the bump, had a think then said "I like your hair like that" and what is with the bump grabbing?! doing it to any non-pregnant person would be considered to be assault, so why is it ok to do it to a pregnant person, especially one you don't know!

GlitzAndGigglesx · 21/01/2015 16:20

I've been told by a colleague she can't wait to see me "walk pregnant" like a lady who went on mat leave last year did . Same woman keeps asking when I'll show. I'm 12 weeks drowned in layers to keep warm!

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2015 16:21

FarFromAnyRoad I totally agree.

kaykayred · 21/01/2015 16:29

Doesn't the general rule that personal remarks about people's appearance are rude continue to apply when they're pregnant?

People comment on people's appearances ALL. THE. TIME.

You have never made a comment on someone's appearance EVER?

"gosh you're so tall" "gosh you have such long legs" "are you okay you look a bit pale" "wow, that sun burn must have been painful" "did you cut your hair?" "your hair is so LONG these days" "That shirt is making my eyes bleed!!"

Aside from the long hair one, I have heard literally all these comments applied equally to men and women. The shirt one especially to men.

Granted not by strangers in the street, but sure as hell by colleagues.

Original poster

guinnessgirl · 21/01/2015 17:09

Farfromanyroad, oh come ON. There's plenty of innocuous and pleasant things you can say to someone who's pregnant. Comments on appearance could include 'you're looking lovely', 'pregnancy really suits you!' 'what a beautiful bump - when are you due?' 'you've really got the pregnancy glow! You look fab!' etc etc. All complimentary and likely to make the pregnant woman feel more confident, not less so. Even if they're not true and she looks tired and fed up - sometimes a boost is nicer than the truth, especially if I know I look knackered really!

Plus, my OP absolutely did NOT make it seem like anyone daring to comment is evil. How ridiculous. I love talking about it to anyone who is genuinely interested, so long as they remember their manners!

OP posts:

Mousefinkle · 21/01/2015 17:18

If a person is really fat it's often not even obvious they're pregnant so it's generally not fat people that get these comments. It's more petite people or people who are all bump and don't gain anywhere else or indeed those who end up having humongous babies, as I did. Some people do just 'carry big' though and the baby will be pretty small.

I had massive babies so got these comments constantly. "sure it's not twins? They do sometimes miss a baby." was a favourite . And "gotta be a ten pounder in there." And "only 26 weeks?! Sure you're not further along?"

All annoying and unnecessary. Why not just ask how far along someone is if you really must and leave it at that, maybe ask if they know the sex as well- whatever. But no comments on bump size. I used to get so paranoid about it with my first especially...

They were all large babies though which was genetic, both DH and I were 9 lbs+ as were our parents. Genes have a lot to answer for... poor vagina.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 21/01/2015 18:44

Blackout I was sat for 30 seconds trying to work out how you're 24 weeks before looking at your next post

12daysofpissedoff · 21/01/2015 19:14

Im not pg, but I do have a fibroid the size of an 18 week pregnancy. Am having it removed next month. Cant wait - mainly because of the strangers asking me when Im due

LokiBear · 21/01/2015 19:39

Commenting on the size of your bump is rude. It is not small talk. When I had a huge cyst on my eye no one mentioned it. When I mentioned it people went to great lengths to tell me that it wasn't that big and they barely noticed it - to spare my feelings. No one sat there going 'wow, your cyst is huge, gosh that is going to be painful to remove! When I had a cyst removed I ended up a complete wreck -19 stitches and couldn't sit down for a week. Your going to suffer when they remove that, it is massive!' Yet when I was pregnant, almost everyone commented. As a first timer it made me worry.

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