To ask if mum's felt MORE nervous / scared second time around..... (labour and beyond)

[Mammanat222]

Bit late now as its my due date tomorrow but I have been feeling increasingly nervous about it all.

Last time I read my hypnotherapy books and listened to my cds and had no apprehension about labour it didn't work for me and I had a 51h labour but this time as I know what to expect I'm terrified.

I also have a DS and I am worried about him. I am worried about leaving him / the upheaval of it all / how our relationship will change.

I am concerned how I'll cope with a newborn and toddler.

I am not sure how our finances will be with a new baby.

Last time round I was cool, calm, collected and didn't have a fucking clue about any of it this time I am the opposite.

Just to clarify I have no anxiety issues or history of anything like this. I'm a 'do-er' normally and I just get on with things. I wonder if it's now the new arrival is so imminent I am just having a wee flap?

Is this normal?

My second is four weeks old. I had a very traumatic labour first time round and was convinced the same would happen again. It didn't and from what the midwives told me it is pretty standard that second labours (assuming VB first time round) will be quicker and easier.

We've had 3 weeks of calm followed by our just turned 3 year old DD erupting in the last week. It's been a pretty horrible week but even now I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

I just keep telling myself it will be ok and the bond I see developing between them definitely keeps me going.

My second labour was much faster, about 1/4 time, so it was great not being so drained by the time baby was born.

I tended to sort Ds1 and 2 on a quicker to resolve basis. Sorting Ds1 with a kiss is quicker than sorting Ds2 with a feed. At 4 and nearly 2, they are great buddies now.

I was less scared as I knew that the pain was temporary and after the baby was born I would forget about it and it would all be worth it.

First time round it was fear of the unknown.

Yep. Second time round my waters broke before labour started and I was physically shaking in my living room as I started to realise how shit scared I actually was of doing it all again. 1st labour was very normal, no complications, but that doesn't stop you thinking 'what if' 2nd or third time round. Childbirth is scary and unpredictable. Even the professionals often don't have a clue what's going to happen, so I think it's perfectly normal to be anxious about it. My second went alright on the end, still horrifically painful but much quicker, and I was better prepared for what was going to happen.
Good luck op!

I was def more concerned as found it all v difficult first time but my worries were unfounded, labour, delivery, recovery and baby all much easier and I quite enjoyed having a toddler and a baby as more sociable.

I think you just do cope so anything you can do practically now to give you a head start when the baby is here is a good idea ( organising house, freeze food, prepare ds off the top of my head so dont know if it would work but start a quiet time for ds practice putting a dolly in a cot and teaching your ds to tiptoe away very quietly, pos start winding down on things that will be hard to keep up when baby is born rather than trying to do as much fun stuff as possible in the next few days! )

I can identify with this. The worry about whether dd1 would be ok when I went into labour was an added stress but of course she was fine. And my labour the second time couldn't have been more different, 3.5 hours compared to 29! Just remember your dc1 has 'paved the way' as it were!
As for afterwards, can't remember much now tbh, bit of a blur! But I think the increased difficulty of having time to sleep is offset a bit by the fact you know what you're doing and will probably be more relaxed about the baby than first time round. Best of luck!!

Be careful about always putting the eldest first, the baby will have to fit in and nap on the go etc but equally be positive about the baby, point out funny things it does, put it first sometimes, encourage older child to 'help' with baby etc. I followed a tip from one book about agreeing with the toddler that the baby was a pain and I think I must have overdone it !

I think so, we have dd 6 and ds is 2 soon. When I had dd I didn't know what to expect, labour for me turned out to be straightforward, 16 hours, no stitches, out the next morning etc but speaking with other mum's that wasn't the case. So when ds was due I was worried as I know now there are more things that can go wrong, dd couldn't latch so I worried about bf. I was worried about how dd would take to being a big sister. Ds was a clingy baby and had reflux, hardly slept. Dd slept through from 3 weeks old and napped for hours during the day. Although I thought I felt confident about doing it all again because ds was a completely different baby I felt like a new mum all over again.

I'm 15 weeks and have a 13 month old. I'm shitting myself so much about labour I'm struggling to even make plans for how I'll cope with two. I'm scared of the mlu and if I see one of the mw that was there when ds was born I know I'll freak out. I'm so much more tired and unfit than I was with ds. Ignorance is bliss with regard to labour. I'd wake up sweating for weeks after his birth, it gradually got better but now I'm pregnant again the nightmares have come back.
Everyone has always said what an "easy baby" ds has been but it really didn't feel like that when he was waking every 90 minutes-2 hours for months!
This baby is very, very much wanted but I'm terrified of giving birth to him/her.

My first was pretty horrific, but I was really excited about my second thinking I might get a chance to 'do it right' but that didn't go to plan either. I am still looking very eager for the labour and newborn-ness of dc3 dh thinks I am mental, I think he is more scarred than me

As for the cost and time of having a newborn and another dc, there is 8 years between dc1 and dc2, but there will only be 1 year between dc2 and dc3. It will be hard I am sure, but we will manage. You will too. Good luck!

You're not being silly, I think this is natural.

I wasted weeks of sleepless nights fretting about the birth ahead during my 2nd pregnancy. My first was very long, induced, ventouse etc etc. The second was amazing and put all my demons to rest from #1. My MW said a second vaginal birth was usually much easier than a first, even with me needing so much help first time round. She was right.

You will figure out what works with having 2 DC. It won't be a breeze everyday, but it's a million times easier than looking after a toddler while heavily pregnant, and you've managed that ok haven't you?