To think dh should just get over it?

[Kab13]

His parents have got him vouchers to go clay pigeon shooting for his birthday- he will love it. However he has been informed they got it so he could have some quality time with his do and he must go with him.
Dh isn't happy. Mainly because his parents haven't been particularly easy people to get along with for the past few years and have caused a lot of upset within our family blah blah blah but it's 1 day. Just get on with it, right?
His dad does have a tendency to nag him when they are alone and it grates on dh, he feels he's never good enough etc.
Dh is upset they've given him a gift with their own agenda because his mum wants him and his dad to spend quality time together again like they used to when he was a teenager living at home etc but still surely he should just try and see the nice side to this?
He's been whining all weekend !

I think it is really important you show him you are on his side here.

I would encourage him to book to go with a friend and let the parents kick up as much of a fuss as they dare. with any luck they will stop talking to you

If they are abusive then please don't put any pressure un him to have any more contact with them than he can bear. The fact they are family doesn't give them carte blanche to fuck him up.

I'm not joining forces. Told him a million times he needs to set boundaries and stand up to them but he'd rather they caused all sorts of drama than just to say "no" to them.
He's still in FOG (fear, obligation & guilt) regarding his parents but I've had 3 years of this now and I'm starting to run out of sympathy. (Harsh I know).
He either goes or he doesn't but I do wish he'd just get on with it.

He either goes or he doesn't but I do wish he'd just get on with it.

No, that isn't quite what you said in your op. It seemed quite clear there that you think he should simply go, with the conditions imposed by his controlling parents, and suck it up. You said "he will love it". No, he won't.

I agree he is a grown up though, and should not be guilted into doing something he doesn't want to do. Have you heard of that book I linked to ?

" but still surely he should just try and see the nice side to this?"
Sorry, but there really is no nice side to this 'gift'. It's manipulative and demeaning.

There is no nice side to this. It is manipulative and unpleasant. You should be encouraging your DH to go with whoever the hell he wants, not telling him to make nice with his parents.

This is a gift for his Dad, not for him.

He needs to stop pissing about though. He either tells them straight how he feels or he goes along with all of the FOG shit.

If he can book for him & his friend to go he should do that. If he can't he needs to choose whether to accept and go with his Dad or return the tickets.

He needs to stop whinging about it/them and just deal with it.

I think he should just go because I know from previous experience regardless of whether he wants to, I tell him to do what he wants or tell him just not to he won't and will do the inevitable and keep dm and df happy.
I told him to see the "nice side" because he will go, it's through years of experience I know he will and think he may as well try and get on with them if he's going to insist on having them in our lives.
More complicated than my OP but very long story!

I just want him to deal with it without making me feel like I need to make the decision for him etc.
He's a grown up. Regardless of what his rents think.

It's a shooting accident waiting to happen
FOG is notoriously difficult to shoot straight in....
not sure I'd like to be a witness to that!

The vouchers are for two unspecified shooters, yes, so why can't your DH book it before his birthday, and have fun with his mate, and let his DF know after the event.

Anyfucker, yes I have but I think dh would have a fit if he found it in the house!

Why ?

He's only just accepted them as controlling and manipulative let alone toxic. Think he would think I'm being over the top.

I was going to suggest that his DF would be a foolish brave man to bag on his sons various perceived shortcomings while he's holding a big gun....
Anyway, is it not possible that he can go without telling his DF and take a friend with him? Or just 'accidentally' let the vouchers expire and not go at all?

spam yes, that would be interesting ahah!
He could do, I have suggested this but I think he's afraid of getting a grilling.

If he does go, then just make sure that the batteries are dead in his ear defenders. You have to keep them on at all times whilst the gun is going off so no need to hear the FIL nagging!!