I did the right thing right? - Cuttin 'D' M out for good. (long)

[WrappedInABlankie]

I am so pissed off! Once again darling 'Mother' has managed to screw us over once again!

She met this 'man' married cheating scumbag before last christmas, didn't tell anyone just went out last minute, always on the phone etc fair play she's been single a fair why after cheating on my father and leaving. Last Christmas she was foul! this 'man' was on holiday and she couldn't speak to him so everyone had to feel the brunt of it, she was angry, rude, shouty and glued to her phone waiting for him to text.

Things only got worse, we use to go to a pole class together she'd promise me she's be there minutes before I'd leave (wouldn't go if she wasn't there) I'd get there and she would of called some other people at the gym and tell them she wasn't going as this 'man' had called and wanted to see her. She'd then make up a lie to tell me why she hadn't been.

She'd promise she'd come see me and DS and then wouldn't call or show up and when you finally get a hold of her she'd say "we'll ..... called so i saw him instead!"

I put up with this for 2 more months, constant broken promises of seeing DS and then no showing until the day before my sisters wedding she had once again promised to see me and DS went to see him instead no message all day we had plans and she couldn't care told me not to bother her or speak to her.

It was DS's wedding she needed to get an outfit and we were sorting out my bridesmaid dress. She went into every shop that you couldn't get a buggy in, DS was asleep and she was in one for over an hour leaving me and DS outside in the cold and rain (january 13, by the sea) then yelled at me telling me to get the fuck over it and told DS to 'man up' wasn't even two. On the way home she nearly drove into another car because she was texting him and driving then told me to 'shut the fuck up' when i called her up on it as DS was in the car

I went to DSis wedding where he showed up, uninvited, proceeded to give my DS lolly's, chocolate etc without asking and as it was 11 and he wasn't allowed them I wasn't impressed. Even had the cheek to tell me how to hold DS, how to feed him (he was nearly 2) and how to play with him all the while HIS WIFE AND CHILD WAS AT HOME TOTALLY UN-AWARE HE'S CHEATING! He's going around telling everyone how horrid I am, I won't give him a chance etc to all of these people that he's never met before at my sisters wedding. They even had to find him a seat, dinner, etc because he wasn't invited.

Safe to say I left early after my mother left all her friends at the reception to go have sex with him and when she came down everyone had left.

The next day once again a no show! I gave her another chance the following week, half an hour late, next time didn't show up, next time didn't show up.

I had an ectopic in march and was kept in for a week nearly needing surgery, the hospital called her as she was my next of kin. She turned up on the phone to him was on the phone for two hours whilst the put me on a drip and scanned me. Only when they said i'd need some overnight stuff she got off the phone to say "for fuck sake, well fucking done I'm suppose to be seeing .... tonight and now I've got to run around after you and stupid DS, I'm busy and I have a life". The nurse was shocked and apologised for calling her when she left, thankfully DS stayed with my sister I was there over my birthday, she didn't even text/call or come and see me as she was seeing him not even a card.

She was going away booked it right over DS birthday and his party that promised to see him before she went. Ditched us again, promised to call him before she got on the plane. She didn't called her 'boyfriend' if you can call him that instead so promised to call whilst out there, got her phone blocked due to texting and calling him so much so didn't contact me or DS at all.

The last straw was in April she got back and promised to ring me when she landed as she now hadn't seen ds in about a month, didn't happen. Turned out she left her friend at the airport to make her own way home to go see this man. When she did call about 8 hours later Promised to come see DS before he went to bed at 7pm. 9pm she rocks up she'd been with him all day in bed as he was "poorly and missed her".

She then told me that she would contact SS and get DS placed with her and I'd never see him again, she'd get her friends at the hospital to make up fake mental health records about me to get me sectioned for the rest of my life and proclaimed that she and this man had already seen my file and saw that SS was involved (they weren't)

I cut contact after this, called the police and made sure it was on record as she went round telling everyone she was taking me to court.

My sister begged me to see her and let her see DS as she was telling her how unfair it was and how she missed DS. In November I gave her her final chance, she was aware of this. She saw DS once and arranged for dinner the next time, she said she'd forgotten and had invited a friend round but invited me round with DS. She and her friend stood there and she watched her friend tell me "you're a horrible person, you'll end up sad and alone and that's why nobody wants or loves you" she didn't utter a word.

She hadn't seen DS in 3 weeks since christmas occasional facetime's in the week. However every Monday she'd see DS before nursery (it's the house right across the road from her) last night she called and once again arranged to see DS, promised him she'd be there and was looking forward to it. I got there this morning and he pulls up (wife thinks the affair is over, moved house with their daughter and thinks he's at work) She opens the door, ignore's DS saying hello and lets him in and shuts it.

She then texts me saying "I understand you're angry with me" I've replied saying "Don't ever talk to me again, you had one chance and one chance only and you blew it more than once. He must be worth it"

She's read them and tried to reply. No doubt she'll try to contact me tonight when I get DS but I'm done. Completely done she only got one more chance for my sister. I'm 18+1 with DS2 and she won't be involved.

The fact she can throw away her relationship with me and DS for a man who's married with a child and cheating on his wife angers me.

No doubt she'll read this but If she does, i mean it. I'm done DS deserves a hell of a lot better than you and so do I

Sorry it's long this is just a summary of the past year there is plenty more sadly. I just needed to get it out

Oh god OP he sounds awful too. I think NC with him might be the way forward too. It didn't surprise me at all to see that she had at least one golden child, she's made him as toxic as she is- if not worse and he's lapped it up and joined her. So sad.

I wouldn't bother with your brother then OP, he hasn't acted like family any more then your mother has. Maybe tell your sister what you intend to do? Go NC with mother and brother? Make sure you speak to someone for advice on it, especially if she's threatening to use her position of 'power'. I can be sure to say that the NHS would not be impressed to hear of someone trying to abuse their power, they get enough bad press anyway that they would bury your mother.

Maybe call 101 for advice? Especially if he's threatened to stab you before. If she gets het up, he might try being threatening so it's best they know and you know the best ways to try to less it.

OP, your updates are shocking.

Really, really, REALLY - do yourself and your child the best favour you'll ever do and stay away from them. Even your sister, I'm sad to say - you'll simply get dragged back in. And before you know it, their lives and the way they run their relationships will affect your DS.

Honestly, in your position I'd be turning my back completely and looking to move a long way away.

I'll be keeping in contact with My Dsis. She is lovely. Honestly nothing like them at all, she adores DS and he her he only issue is she wants everyone to be a big happy family.

However she's aware of what happened today she won't pressure us for a 'family reunion'

Crickey OP, I'm so sorry you have such a nasty mum and a brother who threatens to stab you when pg! Welldone for getting your DC's away from these toxic twats.
You know you have made the right decision. All the best for a toxic free future!

Betty

He not mentally right imo. He walks down the street threatening to stab people, he asks things like "what would happen if i shoved this screwdriver through your skull?" or "what would you do if I cut your head off" when Lee Rigby was murdered he said "cool, i'd love to cut someone up" My mother thinks it's hilarious he's a racist, homophobic and god knows what else she just enables him

Hasnt this been posted before?

You GP files will not match the hospital files and Nhs England can investigate. Get your files and report if necessary. Otherwise have nothing to do with them.

Cut mother and brother out of your life immediately and permanently. I've never said anything like that to anyone before, but these people are dangerous physically (brother) and emotionally (mother). Nasty pieces of work.

Don't be frightened by your mother's threats. Continue to report them all to the police and ss. Consider reporting her threats re your records to the NHS, and that she says she has had access to them.

Tell your sister that you don't wish to discuss them any more with her.

Thank you all

Spoke to Dsis just now and told her there will be no reunion, they are dead to me as far as I'm concerned. She said she couldn't blame me and apparently when asked why she didn't bother seeing DS she "didn't know we were there" We get there the same time every week without fail, she knows. DSis said it's her loss she's sorry it happened

Wow, you have the patience of a saint and she has narcissistic traits and very probably a personality disorder to boot. It sounds like the behaviour of a demented teenager. Tho actually thats disrespectful to teenagers as i know many - and they are all lovely, sensible people.

Yes go NC. I did it 20 years ago and its the best thing i ever did, along with counselling to cope with the low self esteem the emotional abuse left me with. The only way i could come to terms with it was to say to myself that just because someone is deeply unhappy or disturbed, it doesnt mean i have to accept it purely because they are a relative. I wouldn't let a non relative do what my parent did so there is a line, and if that line is crossed its time to remove yourself and learn from it and move on. Good luck , you sound a nice person and i hope you find the peace NC will definitely give you.

My goodness what a vile and toxic individual. Yes go NC and never look back, better no mum, than one that you have described. Don't give her anymore chances, you gave her loads and she blew them, every one. She does not sound like she likes you or ds much, lest alone love. She wants ds to live with her, noway, she dannot be trusted with him for 5 mins! Cut loose!

OP make sure you bookmark this thread on google or whatever. Sadly, I have a feeling your sister may try again given a length of time :( If she's still under your mum's thumb she will start getting bullied and she may cave and try to convince you. If you book mark this you can reread and stay strong but remember how strong you are now.

Dear God cut them out. Your mother is bad enough but your brother? He's ....

Cut them out. Permanently. your children need to be away from them

I've blocked and deleted her on everything. What's app, iphone, facebook, email, everything. She's gone forever. Might as well be dead because that is what she is to me

That's great, stay strong.

what laughing says.

Build a new and much, much better life without her and your brother. can't believe he threatened to stab you, specially when preg :/

Meerka

He's a mentally disturbed drug addict who thinks trying to behead someone in broad daylight in the middle of the street is "cool" it's because she's allowed it he didn't even go to school half the time and she didn't do a thing Even when he was put on suspended timetable Apart from be proud of him when he had the "smarts" to text her for answers for his gcse's .

I just think it could be worse I could be 21 this year and like him. No friends, always on my own, can't pay a bill, doesn't have a job, mummy hands me everything on a plate, don't even own a wallet or a bank card as he loses his pin and then forgets where they are, made so many enemies can't even go to the next town to sign on for benefits so gets no money unless mummy gives it to him. It's a sad sad life he's so dependant on her he might as be wearing a nappy and be breastfed

It could indeed be a lot lot worse - you have sense and decency. You are doing the right thing in distancing yourself. Your mother is letting down your little boy so badly and your brother shouldn't be allowed within half a mile of him.

Best of luck

Op, you have done the right thing going NC with both of those toxic people (mother and brother), they are like two peas in a pod. I think I remember you from a while back, and your mum worked in a hospital and she was trying to section you. Well like others have said, this won't happen, so don't worry. Who is going to give residency to somebody who is living with a dangerous and volatile individual, god forbit she raises. Go NC forever and never look back. Write this down for your sister and show her. Tell her to respect your wish not to contact your mum, and to not bring it up with you again.