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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think...seriously???

37 replies

laughingmyarseoff · 19/01/2015 11:56

I'm loathe to put a link and give this person a lot of clicks and activity so I'll refrain and just describe.

It's a man describing how he can get any woman because we're all wired genetically to fell for the tricks he knows. And of course he explains it but charges for the truth of it.

It starts off describing how he couldn't get dates:

He sounds like such a stalker with his crush imo. This woman he crushes on tries constantly to let him down but he doesn't get the hint. She even goes so far to say she's under house arrest! Comon, get a clue! Surely you'd know wouldn't you? No he calls/texts her shit loads instead, grabs food, a sexy nighty and sends flowers. He turns up at her house, sees her with what he calls 'joe average' (in comparison to him) and realises she's been trying to get rid of him the whole time.

Should she have been honest with him: hell yes. ButI wonder if she was and in his obsessive crushes he ignored it.

He just doesn't get how bad his behaviour was despite admitting she was shocked and freaked to see him on her doorstep. He sees it as him trying and failing with women because of the women but he admits to being so bloody clingy with his actions. A woman would be called clingy and desperate and the words were applying when I listened to him describing his interactions with his crush. It sounds more like stalking then anything else to me. Freaky.

Then it speaks about how all of us love fifty shades of grey and want an 'obsessive crush'. I agree some women love erotica, a lot more then people think, myself included but the way this guy speaks he's targeting women and sounds so stalkery.

What's worse is several people I know have liked it on facebook and I just have to shake my head.

I can see it maybe getting people into bed but maintaining a relationship? Just really made me feel uncomfortable (which to be fair it stated at the beginning) but I also disagree with it barr possibly getting you laid.

So AIBU to think if you behave as he has above with the constant texting, calling, emailing, sending gifts to someone who rejects you then it's bloody stalking! And that actually maybe it's that behaviour that should have been addressed not trying to manipulating women?

AIBU: Does anyone else agree that they love 50 shades and want something called an obsessive romance? Basically what you get in 50 shades.

I was torn between wondering what woe he is attracting and thinking his behaviour would have had me running if I'd been his crush then and now.

But maybe that's because I like erotica but loathe 50 shades of --shite'' grey.

Without me putting the link does anyone else know who i mean? I'd put the link but I really don't want to give it traffic and I really don't want people as baffled and annoyed as I was.

OP posts:

Marshy · 19/01/2015 13:25

Memory and drop, obvs must learn to proof read

Original poster

laughingmyarseoff · 19/01/2015 13:29

Thanks :) I had to go onto the laptop but I found it and I'm really happy that he didn't like it, he liked another article - normal one- and it's from the same paper, recommended.

OP posts:

Babycham1979 · 19/01/2015 13:31

I should hope so, Laughing. Me too.

'Don't start a conversation with a man'; 'don't call him, wait for him to call you'? Oh, Christ. Surely this nonsense went out with Jane Austin! The most likely effect of this kind of behaviour that I can see is Mr Right moving on to someone that's less of a pain in the arse!

Crinkle77 · 19/01/2015 13:33

Those tactics wouldn't work with me and I don't want an obsessive crush either. He sounds seriously deluded and I think someone like that should be avoided at all costs. They are the types to become jealous and obsessive when they are in a relationship with you.

BreakingDad77 · 19/01/2015 13:59

I'd agree with flora, We are different. Yes, there are a range of psychological tricks you can catch MANY people out with. But not ALL. Especially when you move that to something like attraction which is always subjective and influenced by many factors

Its not that hard to get dates say online, if you write a normal profile, look normal, actually send someone a message based on their profile rather than just spamming cut and paste. The thing is when you meet in real life it can be quite quickly apparent that this 'connection' you have created in your head is exactly that 'created'.

I think he sounds like an 'angry nice guy'

Original poster

laughingmyarseoff · 19/01/2015 14:34

It was the 'be easy to live with' that made me wonder Babycham, does that mean being a second mother to your DP . Eurgh.

Crinkle They wouldn't work on me either, I agree they sound like they could well be the obsessive types when dating- if you even get to dating with these peoples.

BreakingDad77 (cool name btw), getting dates isn't too bad it's keeping the connection you're right, getting laid is even easier which sounds like this guy wants to do most. He does sound like angry chip on shoulder nice guy.

OP posts:

TinklyLittleLaugh · 19/01/2015 14:56

I had a flat mate back in the nineties who did the rules and got married to the man she wanted. Lots of it was common sense, just stuff about not being too desperate and needy. But yeah, my DP would have just run a mile, if I'd tried that sort of game playing.

It's interesting to learn that this sort of stalkerish obsessive type behaviour is a thing now. DD(19) has had a couple of guys very publicly lay siege to her, posting desperate lovesick statuses on Facebook and all that sort of nonsense. She actually went out with the second one. I think he just ground her down with his pestering, at a time when she was feeling a bit vulnerable. I warned her against it but she insisted he was just a nice guy who was super keen on her. I think they lasted two weeks before she decided he was a bit of a funny one. Of course now he's all betrayed and heartbroken.

SorchaN · 19/01/2015 15:39

I don't think I'd want a relationship with the sort of man who would respond to 'the rules'.

And I definitely wouldn't want a relationship with anyone who had an obsessive crush on me. I'd be calling the police early on.

BreakingDad77 · 19/01/2015 15:53

I guess some women though are brainwashed into thinking they 'must' be in a relationship and fall foul of this 'romancing' masking as stalking.

Original poster

laughingmyarseoff · 19/01/2015 17:40

Is she still living by the rules Tinky and with her DP? I hate gameplaying.

Your poor DD, she'll know to stay away next time hopefully but it's not fun to see.

SorchaN Same too. I had someone like that, a nice guy, when young and it was really not fun.

BreakingDad77 That sounds right, I think that's what he's using.

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TinklyLittleLaugh · 19/01/2015 18:56

Ah Rules Girl was one flat mate I lost touch with a very long time ago Laughing, basically the day I moved out.

DD is fine, it's all a bit of a learning curve at 19. To be honest she just wants some fun before she goes to University in September, but the lads left in our town, who haven't gone away to University, seem to go into settling down, moving in and having a baby mode at 20. DD is having none of that.

Original poster

laughingmyarseoff · 19/01/2015 19:21

Sounds like maybe that was for the best then Tinky.

Having fun is always good but not when they start getting all clingy and desperate, not pretty and pressuring. I'm glad your DD knows what she want and congrats on her for uni.

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