to think you do not tell off a child with selective mutism for not saying please and thank you.

[ReallyTired]

I know a little four year old boy who goes to Sunday school at my church. He is an elective mute at nursery school, but will talk to other children at Sunday school. It has taken a long time to get him to build confidence at church. He got to the stage where he would speak to two trusted adults and two of the children at sunday school after 6 months of saying nothing.

At nursery he plucked up the courage to ask the TA to use the toilet. The TA told him off for not saying please. This was the first time the boy had spoken at nursery school. I don't understand why a school employs someone so thick and devoid of empathy. I feel the TA should have been pleased that the boy had plucked up the courage to speak and not corrected his manners.

I feel so upset that one bad experience has sent this little boy backwards in confidence. I know its unreasonable, but part of me wants to kill that TA, even though it isn't my child.

Awww - poor boy. Speaking to the TA must have taken a huge amount of courage.

I hope his parents went to talk to the school about the incident.

The TA needs educating, the teacher needs to make her aware of how she should be interacting with the child to make communicating easier for him.
Killing her won't solve the problem, education might.
If she's uninformed. If she's just a blinkered, inflexible, one-trick pony then it won't.
But you can think evil thoughts about her as much as you like.

YANBU. He should have been praised for coming along so far and encouraged to speak more.

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! This is why everyone who works with children needs to be well trained, respected and paid (I worked with some fab TAs who were worth their weight in gold but were paid peanuts fwiw).

Terrible, totally terrible. Shouldn't happen. If the little boy has a speech and language specialist (they should have one and one who has good training) the parents should tell them about this incident and ask them to go in and train any staff who the child comes into contact with.

Skatingfastonthinice
Killing a TA would be rather messy, although temporariily satisfying. I am not sure where I would hide the body. It would help the boy's education if the TA was replaced with someone who has a degree of common sense.

Primaryteach87 The little boy does have a speech and language therapist. I don't know the details though.

Awful awful awful

Poor little boy - hope it's not knocked his confidence

'Killing a TA would be rather messy, although temporariily satisfying. I am not sure where I would hide the body. '

It's a perfect multidisciplinary day.

Biology life, Death and the naming of parts

Art Draw what you see, paint with some of the available materials

DT Cook and consume (natural link to Forest Schools)

PE Bury the remains 6' deep

The TA clearly doesn't understand the boy's needs. More training needed methinks.

The only way this would be excusable is if the TA had absolutely no idea that the child had selective mutism,ie a temporary staff member drafted into cover or similar. But if that was the case I'd imagine they'd me mortified if they'd not been informed .... I would've.

Oh that is so sad. I'd be too bloody excited about hearing him speak to even have realised he hadn't said please. Hope the TA is spoken too.

I agree that the TA should not have picked him up on manners given this was the first time he had spoken at preschool. But, in slight defence of them, perhaps they were just on auto pilot for manners. I remind mine so many times to say please and thank you that at times, I've asked them 'what do you say?' When they have actually said it .

Either way, as long as it wasn't sharp and snippy, hopefully no long term damage is done and the boy will continue to make leaps and bounds in talking at preschool too.

Poor little boy! Not at all good that this has happened. If I was the parents I would be concerned about how the teacher was communicating with the TA. The teacher has ultimate responsibility for what goes on in the classroom and should be ensuring that the TA knows exactly how to respond to this little boy, in light of his speech and language needs.

How do you know this story? Is it through the little boy, then his parents then you? If so, I would be careful of getting overly concerned as parts of the story could have been 'lost in translation'/left out if that makes sense.

Why does he need to say 'please' to go to the toilet?

It's a basic bodily function.

And he's 4...

She sounds like a controlling bitch. I'd have words.

That is so sad! My dc's were both completely non verbal until they were about 7 dd much better now ds not so much. But both of their ta's were amazing. I really saw the difference a sensitive caring approach made. You are right though op, it can cause massive setbacks in confidence but he will get there with support from everyone. I think sometimes people act without thinking but it's still a crappy thing to say. Far better to model the right phrases as over time they naturally copy, rather than forcing the point. My dc's both have beautiful manners but I credit everyone around them for getting them to that point.

Poor boy he's been treated appallingly and I hope he hasn't stopped talking because of this
.
Unfortunately, being a parent of a child with sm, this is all too often my experience. People find it very hard to understand that children struggling with sm just can't speak, or add something simple like 'please', or in a lot of cases even use non-verbal nods etc.

My dd has sm too and was completely mute at pre-school. One day her nursery teacher told me that dd had been talking and she had told her to be quiet. Bearing in mind this was the first time EVER dd had spoken at pre-school, I couldn't believe what I was being told.